carl j. maltese's definitions

Jack

Symbolic, alagorical name of that which is evil, bad, or wrong in certain novels, such as "Lord of the Flies."

"In 'Lord of the Flies' by William Golding, the character that represented evil was named 'Jack.' The character that represented good was named 'Roger,' and the character that represented order & rationality was named 'Piggy.'"

by Carl J. Maltese April 15, 2007

Creationism

Creationism explained:
God + Adam + Eve -times- Cane -minus- Abel + Seth -divided by- Lilith -times- Eve's sister-in-law -divided by- dinosaurs -times- 42 -times- E=mc2 -divided by- Infinity + H2O -times- Monosodiumglutinate -minus- The Monolith + hot air + the sound of a honking horn + The Secret Ingredient -minus- your opposable thumb = ALL THAT IS AND EVER SHALL BE! AMEN!

I hope that clears things up for you.

According to the Religious Right, "evolution" was just Darwin trying to explain his wife to his friends and the idea caught on! "Creationism" is, of course, the ONE TRUE and ONLY explanation for human existance. Anybody who says otherwise should have their opposable thumbs chopped off!

by Carl J. Maltese October 17, 2007

taser

Although the word "taser" is not an acronym, one particular model is labeled as: TActical System of Electrical Response.
Sort of completes the pantheon of great acronyms. Or somthing like that.

Scenario 1-
Police Officer: "Halt eveil-doer, lest I be forced to use my TActical System of Elictrical Rosponse upon ye!"

Criminal: "Huh?"

Scenario 2:

Police officer: "Freeze scumbag!!" -sound of taser firing-

Criminal: "AAAaaagghhhh!"

by Carl J. Maltese March 29, 2007

tea dumping psychos

One of the many colourful slang terms that the British have for Americans.

"The damn tea dumping psychos! Five-thousand-pounds worth of tea thrown right off the bloody ships! The bloody crates are all completley soaked through, making the tea totally unfit for drinking. Even for Americans."

by Carl J. Maltese April 1, 2007

Scurv

1970's term for who are now referred to as burnouts and dirtbags.

"You know that new kid around the corner? The one with the hippie parents? He's a real cigarette smoking Scurv!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 15, 2007

Hanes grazer

Derogatory term for a homosexual male. First used by Howard Stern.

"Are you just another turd tapping Hanes grazer!?"

by Carl J. Maltese April 13, 2007

bloodskank

Any sleazey looking, and knowingly disease infected girl/guy whoring themself on the streets.
Whoring on the streets usually limits access to soap and toothpaste.
"blood:" syn. w/ blood born diseases.
"skank:" syn. w/ dirty, unwashed, & skin conditions.

"I made the mistake of picking-up a sleazy bloodskank whoring herself for crack money. Now, all the soap and toothpaste in creation won't clean my disease infected crotch!"

by Carl J. Maltese March 28, 2007