carl j. maltese's definitions

PTL

1) "Praise The Lord!"

2) "People That Love"

3) "Pass The Loot"

4) "Pay The Lady"

Bob : "The PTL club, founded by Jim and Tammy Baker, was brought to ruin by a combined conspiricy involving Jessica Hahn, Howard Stern, Berkley Brethard, Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swaggart, Pat Robertson, the Liberal/Leftist Media, Ronald Reagan, Fawn Hall-and/or-Donna Rice, Playboy and Penthouse, National Lampoon Magazine, and Satan Himself!"

Eric: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 20, 2007

raining like a double-cunted cow pissing on a flat rock

An archaic "hick" term for heavy rain or snow fall.

"Sheeeeeet! It sure is cumin' down out there! Raining like a double-cunted cow pissing on a flat rock!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 28, 2007

SHIELD

Supreme Headquarters International Law-enforcement Division.

Fictional super-spy organization from Marvel Comics' "Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD"

This "organization" also provided a thread of continuity within nearly all of Marvel Comics' titles from the mid-1960's until the early 1990's.

"Just as it looked like the end for Captain America, a helicopter full of SHIELD agents showed up in the nick of time!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 12, 2007

howard stern

The greatest DJ who ever lived. Period.
The only man with any guts to stand-up to the Powers-That-Be and tell the uncensored truth!
The first truly alternative morning radio show worth listening to, as compared to the "Morning Zoo Crews."
The only one worth listening to.
The ONE!

"Howard Stern has the distinct honor of having a public rest-room named after him on the Jersey Turnpike!"

by Carl J. Maltese May 31, 2007

the joy of meaningless studies

What you experience in junior college, community college, and/or beauty school.

"After twelve+ years of elementary-junior-senior-high-school and an exciting job in the lucrative field of fast food preperation, I just can't wait to experience the joy of meaningless studies in junior college!"

by Carl J. Maltese July 16, 2007

dresses that can only be worn once

Those expensive prom dresses you just had to have.

"I fail to see why all those stupid girls would waste such an incredible amount of money on dresses that can only be worn once. I mean, the guys wear rented tuxedoes. Why can't the girls get rental dresses?"

by Carl J. Maltese June 16, 2007

prom

Something Your future employers are not going to ask you about or care about.

Human Resources Person: "So, what sort of experience do have for this job?"

Trendoid Preppyuppie Throwback: "Well, I went to my senior prom in a stretch limo that cost my father...."

Human Resources Person: "Uh, that's not what I asked you. Do you or do you not have experience? Hmmmm?"

Trendoid Preppyuppie Throwback: "Well, uh....my father's rich and I dated a cheerleader and....did I mention I went to the prom?"

Human Resources Person: "NEXT!!"

by Carl J. Maltese May 26, 2007