benny twadge's definitions

koala head

Name given to someone with a head which is exactly the same shape as a koala's head. Usually only fat bald security guards can achieve this interspecific resemblance. The effect can be heightened if the koala-headed person has his hair cut in the Pork Scotch style.

Why has someone brought a koala to the braaivleis?

They haven't. What you're looking at is the Porky Scotcher. The ugly bastard has a koala head.

by Benny Twadge August 2, 2009

Pork Pod

An mp3 player used by fat ugly security guards who think they're cool.

Look at that fat old twat with an iPod.

You're talking stupid. That fat twat is Pork Scotch.

Ah! So its a Pork Pod!

by Benny Twadge August 16, 2009

Scotchy's Shit-Wagon

Alternative name for the Pork Scotch Van or half-car after a huge frozen dump was put on the roof of it. The crap thawed out overnight and was nicely baking in the sun the next day before the Scotchers emerged for their daily jaunt to buy barbecue food. Scotchy didn't spot it at first so he drove round with a turd just a few inches from his fat bald koala head.

Bloody hell what's that I can smell?

That'll be Scotchy's Shit-Wagon. He still hasn't persuaded Goofy Granny to clean it off.

Filthy old bastard.

by Benny Twadge August 22, 2009

David the Grunting Spacker

A retarded, thick-lipped checkout assistant who stares at the ceiling while serving you and grunts instead of speaking.

Dad: Shall we go to Asda then?

Monkus: Only if we can go to David's till.

Dad: David the Grunting Spacker?

Monkus: Yeah. The fat spaz makes me piss.

by Benny Twadge June 19, 2009

Chimp Food

Fried chicken and rice and pea. These food items are never paid for, always stolen, because as everyone knows "chimp no need pay mon".

Chimp in takeaway: me wan' fried chicken and rice and pea mon.

Assistant: One portion of Chimp Food? That will be £4.50 please.

Chimp (before running away): chimp no need pay mon.

by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009

Maltby Heroes

The legendary drivers of Maltby lorries who display Pork Scotch's cone in the back in order to taunt important security guards and provide amusement to everyone else. Otherwise known as comic geniuses.

Flobule: Look Dad, the cone's still there! Why don't they take it out?

Dad: Because they're heroes, son. Maltby heroes.

by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009

Pork Scotch Tea Towel

A filthy article that has never been washed but which Pork Scotch uses to dry dishes. Normal people don't go near it apart from when they use it to kill spiders or to wipe up gunk from the kitchen floor.

Flondibulus: Bog roll's finished, is there any more?

Mickus: No, use a Pork Scotch tea towel. It couldn't get any filthier so the fat twat will never know.

by Benny Twadge May 19, 2009