A retarded, thick-lipped checkout assistant who stares at the ceiling while serving you and grunts instead of speaking.
Dad: Shall we go to Asda then?
Monkus: Only if we can go to David's till.
Dad: David the Grunting Spacker?
Monkus: Yeah. The fat spaz makes me piss.
Monkus: Only if we can go to David's till.
Dad: David the Grunting Spacker?
Monkus: Yeah. The fat spaz makes me piss.
by Benny Twadge June 19, 2009
A variety of chimp which has mastered the rudiments of speech. These creatures inhabit urban areas, attracted to cities by burger bars such as McDonald's. They can be trained to drive motor vehicles, which they frequently steal. Also known as nignogs.
My car's been nicked!
Must've been a talking chimp. There are thousands around here. Blame McDonald's.
Must've been a talking chimp. There are thousands around here. Blame McDonald's.
by Benny Twadge April 27, 2009
A short, stocky man with a shaved head. Close to pensionable age but believes himself to be young and with-it. Drives a small white van. He thinks its cool to cook food outside with his drag-act "girlfriend", believing that sharing a garlic bread at a green plastic table is all that is required for a barbecue. Also known as Mr Boring, Mr Ugly and The Arsehole.
Pork Scotch is a total twat
Its gay to wear a buffalo hat
Your girlfriend's really a man in drag
Your boring face makes people gag
Its gay to wear a buffalo hat
Your girlfriend's really a man in drag
Your boring face makes people gag
by Benny Twadge April 18, 2009
A filthy article that has never been washed but which Pork Scotch uses to dry dishes. Normal people don't go near it apart from when they use it to kill spiders or to wipe up gunk from the kitchen floor.
Flondibulus: Bog roll's finished, is there any more?
Mickus: No, use a Pork Scotch tea towel. It couldn't get any filthier so the fat twat will never know.
Mickus: No, use a Pork Scotch tea towel. It couldn't get any filthier so the fat twat will never know.
by Benny Twadge May 19, 2009
Look at that fat old twat with an iPod.
You're talking stupid. That fat twat is Pork Scotch.
Ah! So its a Pork Pod!
You're talking stupid. That fat twat is Pork Scotch.
Ah! So its a Pork Pod!
by Benny Twadge August 16, 2009
A monster in almost-human form that dates clinically-obese security guards. Also known as Girlfriend of the Porky Scotcher, this vile creature is so horrifically ugly that those who look at it have been known to retch with such violence they vomit their livers out onto the ugly bitch's shoes.
Oh shit, its The Thing!
What?! You don't mean The Thing With Teeth Halfway Down Its Neck?
Yes! Nogtard vomited his liver on the bitch's shoes last week.
I know. The Porky Scotcher picked up the liver and barbecued it.
What?! You don't mean The Thing With Teeth Halfway Down Its Neck?
Yes! Nogtard vomited his liver on the bitch's shoes last week.
I know. The Porky Scotcher picked up the liver and barbecued it.
by Benny Twadge May 24, 2009
A huge bunch of keys carried by little fat security guards because it makes them feel important. The only keys actually used are the ones to his house, his mum's house and his silly white van. The 58 others are ones he's found.
Look at that guy's keyring! He must own lots of houses and cars.
Wrong! What we have here is a cretinous security guard. They're only Pork Scotch Keys. He found most of them. Hasn't a bloody clue what they're for.
What a nobhead.
Wrong! What we have here is a cretinous security guard. They're only Pork Scotch Keys. He found most of them. Hasn't a bloody clue what they're for.
What a nobhead.
by benny twadge May 24, 2009