A variety of chimp which has mastered the rudiments of speech. These creatures inhabit urban areas, attracted to cities by burger bars such as McDonald's. They can be trained to drive motor vehicles, which they frequently steal. Also known as nignogs.
My car's been nicked!
Must've been a talking chimp. There are thousands around here. Blame McDonald's.
Must've been a talking chimp. There are thousands around here. Blame McDonald's.
by Benny Twadge April 27, 2009
A monster in almost-human form that dates clinically-obese security guards. Also known as Girlfriend of the Porky Scotcher, this vile creature is so horrifically ugly that those who look at it have been known to retch with such violence they vomit their livers out onto the ugly bitch's shoes.
Oh shit, its The Thing!
What?! You don't mean The Thing With Teeth Halfway Down Its Neck?
Yes! Nogtard vomited his liver on the bitch's shoes last week.
I know. The Porky Scotcher picked up the liver and barbecued it.
What?! You don't mean The Thing With Teeth Halfway Down Its Neck?
Yes! Nogtard vomited his liver on the bitch's shoes last week.
I know. The Porky Scotcher picked up the liver and barbecued it.
by Benny Twadge May 24, 2009
A retarded, thick-lipped checkout assistant who stares at the ceiling while serving you and grunts instead of speaking.
Dad: Shall we go to Asda then?
Monkus: Only if we can go to David's till.
Dad: David the Grunting Spacker?
Monkus: Yeah. The fat spaz makes me piss.
Monkus: Only if we can go to David's till.
Dad: David the Grunting Spacker?
Monkus: Yeah. The fat spaz makes me piss.
by Benny Twadge June 19, 2009
Alternative name for the Pork Scotch Van or half-car after a huge frozen dump was put on the roof of it. The crap thawed out overnight and was nicely baking in the sun the next day before the Scotchers emerged for their daily jaunt to buy barbecue food. Scotchy didn't spot it at first so he drove round with a turd just a few inches from his fat bald koala head.
Bloody hell what's that I can smell?
That'll be Scotchy's Shit-Wagon. He still hasn't persuaded Goofy Granny to clean it off.
Filthy old bastard.
That'll be Scotchy's Shit-Wagon. He still hasn't persuaded Goofy Granny to clean it off.
Filthy old bastard.
by Benny Twadge August 22, 2009
The legendary drivers of Maltby lorries who display Pork Scotch's cone in the back in order to taunt important security guards and provide amusement to everyone else. Otherwise known as comic geniuses.
Flobule: Look Dad, the cone's still there! Why don't they take it out?
Dad: Because they're heroes, son. Maltby heroes.
Dad: Because they're heroes, son. Maltby heroes.
by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009
What's the name of that Jamaican wrestler with the mop on his head?
That's Kofi Kingston and he's no Jamaican. He's from Ghana, which is only about 5,000 miles from Jamaica.
That's Kofi Kingston and he's no Jamaican. He's from Ghana, which is only about 5,000 miles from Jamaica.
by Benny Twadge May 04, 2009
A 7-foot tall cretin with giant, flapping tabs. A mentally retarded twat that can eat 3 fried pigs for breakfast and is therefore detested by its grandfather's wife, who takes the piss out of its ridiculous crash-helmet hairstyle.
Why is there nothing in the fridge, Trace?
We've had a visit from Bullivant. It was hungry after its 3-pig breakfast.
We've had a visit from Bullivant. It was hungry after its 3-pig breakfast.
by Benny Twadge May 03, 2009