benny twadge's definitions

Pork Scotch Keys

A huge bunch of keys carried by little fat security guards because it makes them feel important. The only keys actually used are the ones to his house, his mum's house and his silly white van. The 58 others are ones he's found.

Look at that guy's keyring! He must own lots of houses and cars.

Wrong! What we have here is a cretinous security guard. They're only Pork Scotch Keys. He found most of them. Hasn't a bloody clue what they're for.

What a nobhead.

by benny twadge May 24, 2009

Maltby Heroes

The legendary drivers of Maltby lorries who display Pork Scotch's cone in the back in order to taunt important security guards and provide amusement to everyone else. Otherwise known as comic geniuses.

Flobule: Look Dad, the cone's still there! Why don't they take it out?

Dad: Because they're heroes, son. Maltby heroes.

by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009

koala head

Name given to someone with a head which is exactly the same shape as a koala's head. Usually only fat bald security guards can achieve this interspecific resemblance. The effect can be heightened if the koala-headed person has his hair cut in the Pork Scotch style.

Why has someone brought a koala to the braaivleis?

They haven't. What you're looking at is the Porky Scotcher. The ugly bastard has a koala head.

by Benny Twadge August 2, 2009

talking chimp

A variety of chimp which has mastered the rudiments of speech. These creatures inhabit urban areas, attracted to cities by burger bars such as McDonald's. They can be trained to drive motor vehicles, which they frequently steal. Also known as nignogs.

My car's been nicked!

Must've been a talking chimp. There are thousands around here. Blame McDonald's.

by Benny Twadge April 27, 2009

Chimp Food

Fried chicken and rice and pea. These food items are never paid for, always stolen, because as everyone knows "chimp no need pay mon".

Chimp in takeaway: me wan' fried chicken and rice and pea mon.

Assistant: One portion of Chimp Food? That will be £4.50 please.

Chimp (before running away): chimp no need pay mon.

by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009

Scotchy's Shit-Wagon

Alternative name for the Pork Scotch Van or half-car after a huge frozen dump was put on the roof of it. The crap thawed out overnight and was nicely baking in the sun the next day before the Scotchers emerged for their daily jaunt to buy barbecue food. Scotchy didn't spot it at first so he drove round with a turd just a few inches from his fat bald koala head.

Bloody hell what's that I can smell?

That'll be Scotchy's Shit-Wagon. He still hasn't persuaded Goofy Granny to clean it off.

Filthy old bastard.

by Benny Twadge August 22, 2009

The Thing With Teeth Halfway Down Its Neck

A monster in almost-human form that dates clinically-obese security guards. Also known as Girlfriend of the Porky Scotcher, this vile creature is so horrifically ugly that those who look at it have been known to retch with such violence they vomit their livers out onto the ugly bitch's shoes.

Oh shit, its The Thing!

What?! You don't mean The Thing With Teeth Halfway Down Its Neck?

Yes! Nogtard vomited his liver on the bitch's shoes last week.

I know. The Porky Scotcher picked up the liver and barbecued it.

by Benny Twadge May 24, 2009