aretegroup's definitions

soiled laundry quandary

That morning-after hesitation when a house guest wonders if they are obligated to wash their own sheets after having sex with a middle-aged bartender in a friend’s guest room.

Kevin stood outside Rob’s bedroom door, holding a bundle of sloppy, soaking sheets, frozen in a soiled laundry quandary.

by aretegroup February 9, 2019

e-humanism

The act of making online donations to feel better about your grossly consumer lifestyle that often directly negatively impacts the causes you donate to online.

Darlene is such a cunt. She thinks she's saving the world with her practice of e-humanism, but her day-to-day consumerism defeats her supposed online sensitivity.

by aretegroup August 30, 2014

Tuchas tease

the act of getting off from licking a toilet seat that an attractive person just sat on

Pat really liked Gerry, enough to commit to a tuchas tease after Gerry left the water closet.

by aretegroup January 11, 2019

SPF Facial

When you ejaculate into a tube of facial sun
block and give it to your partner who refuses to accept a facial during sex.

“How’s the sex with that new summer hottie you’re seeing?”
“Just OK. The only way I get close to finishing the way I like is to SPF Facial the sunblock.”

by aretegroup June 27, 2018

burning a loaf

Burning a loaf. A human defecation that follows a large and particularly spice-laden meal that emits a complex aroma with notes of tar and smoldering rubber.

Shad, where have you been?

—I was off burning a loaf after stuffing myself st the Indian buffet.

by aretegroup April 21, 2018

alpha-talker

A conversationalist who demands the majority of conversation time often to the dissatisfaction of others in the conversation.

"Hey honey how was your time out with the girls?"
"It was OK, but I couldn't get a word in edgewise because Debbie is such an alpha-talker."

by aretegroup September 2, 2015

costco effect

Over purchasing because the price per unit is too attractive to pass up.

Aw, Mike why did you buy three 48-ounce bottles of ketchup? The Costco effect got you. The second two are going to expire before you get to them.

by aretegroup March 30, 2015