Definitions by YAWA

I'm on COVID

The universally proffered excuse for failing to show up for work, meet a project deadline or generally suck at meeting the current demands of existence.

Wasn't that work product due 2 weeks ago?
Are you coming to work today?
Why is your mortgage payment 3 weeks late?
Universal response: Cain't, I'm on COVID.

I'm on COVID by YAWA January 27, 2022

bullshit vaccine

An imaginary vaccine that inoculates an individual from succumbing to derisive conspiracy theories, propagating political disinformation and ascribing to novel, ineffective COVID treatments that do more harm than good.

Hey, did you hear that urine therapy, oleandrin, hydroxy chloroquine, ivermectin and demon sperm can KILL COVID and ALL variants?
Yeah, sure. Why don't you get in that line over there. You REALLY NEED a bullshit vaccine.

bullshit vaccine by YAWA January 26, 2022

anecdotal proof 

The erroneous extension of personal experience into the general population.

So last week i had COVID. I took (insert quack cure X here) and now i’m better. X works!
Statistically, you were going to get better without any treatment; lucky X didn’t kill you.
***anecdotal proof***

anecdotal proof by YAWA January 15, 2022

Delta-Cron 

An emerging SARS CoV 2 mutation that combines the virulence of the Delta variant and the transmissibility of Omicron.

Ok. It looks like Omicron is a highly contagious variant, but causes far less illness than Delta.
Right on!
Not so fast. Delta-Cron is coming; the worst of both worlds.
I wish that vaccine micro-chip would just kill me now.

Delta-Cron by YAWA January 9, 2022

viral clearance 

The new-normal, standardized return-to-work, school, just about any large venue proof of negative COVID test requirement.

Hey, wanna get a cup of coffee before work?
Nahhh, can't. Gotta get my daily viral clearance and the lines look pretty long.
Well, good luck on that. I just got a govt check, so I'm stayin' home!

viral clearance by YAWA January 7, 2022

USB odds

The probability of any given event resulting in a positive outcome constrained by the odds of initial USB plug insertion; which should be fifty percent, but in reality is closer to zero.

So, do you think we'll win the lottery this draw?
I'll give it USB odds.
Yeah, I NEVER get that fucker in on the first try.

USB odds by YAWA December 31, 2021

Off-Season Santa 

The fully-bearded dude that drives around in a convertible mustang with a trunk full of dope.

Hey, did you score some smack?
Naww. But I did rustle up some serious meth from that Off-Season Santa over there!

Off-Season Santa by YAWA December 30, 2021