Petroligarchs

Fossil-fuel fascist assholes who stymie climate legislation and take nightly baths in cash

Science researcher Tyler woke up one morning, popped open his laptop and started reading more headlines about global climate emergency and how massive storms will become more deadly. "We keep burning fossil fuel like it's just everyday fucking life," Tyler thought. "Meanwhile these Petroligarchs keep buying politicians and lobby for more oil wells in sensitive ocean areas when we should be changing over to clean energy right fucking now." Tyler switched browser tab to Greenpeace.com and felt better.

by Uncle Joosie October 01, 2021

Qpublicans

former "Grand Old Party" people who transformed into violent seditious conspiracy nutbags

In a closed-door caucus meeting Qpublicans gave Marjorie Taylor Greene a standing ovation because lunatic-fictional QAnon conspiracies about eating babies and Jewish space lasers are absolutely fine with assholes formerly known as republicans.

by Uncle Joosie February 04, 2021

Opera Poop

a bowel movement spread out over 2 or 3 intervals—like an opera or play.

early one morning, Timothy took a noticeably low-volume crap, and then flushed and washed his hands. A few minutes later he realized it was an Opera Poop—one that required a second and possibly a third visit to the toilet.

by Uncle Joosie June 27, 2017

Stretch & Shake

A body reset for a dog.

When Brady the lab got up from sleeping he did a stretch & shake to wake himself up.

by Uncle Joosie May 20, 2018

Faulty Walnut

dysfunctional prostate

Bob was having trouble peeing and, after a physical showed high PSA levels, his doc broke the news. “you have prostate cancer but it’s very treatable.” Bob went home and told wife Barb about his faulty walnut.

by Uncle Joosie March 23, 2022

Tesla Graveyard

where Elmo’s shitty cars go to die

Elon Musk, 47th president of Murrica, is so toxic from Nazi canoodling that nobody wants his vehicles. as a direct result of Apartheid Clyde being terrible, Tesla Graveyards are popping up all over the country

by Uncle Joosie February 09, 2025

Phone-noser

Assholes who walk with their nose in their phones—while crossing the street, dog-walking, driving or at the gym. Phone-nosers are the fuckers who'd crash right into you if *you weren't the one paying attention.

Carlotta's blood pressure rose when she saw a phone-noser almost get hit by a car while crossing the street with his dog.

by Uncle Joosie September 18, 2017