Uncle Joosie's definitions

Petroligarchs

Fossil-fuel fascist assholes who stymie climate legislation and take nightly baths in cash

Science researcher Tyler woke up one morning, popped open his laptop and started reading more headlines about global climate emergency and how massive storms will become more deadly. "We keep burning fossil fuel like it's just everyday fucking life," Tyler thought. "Meanwhile these Petroligarchs keep buying politicians and lobby for more oil wells in sensitive ocean areas when we should be changing over to clean energy right fucking now." Tyler switched browser tab to Greenpeace.com and felt better.

by Uncle Joosie October 1, 2021

Sportwashing

Murderous regimes whose reputations get laundered by pro-sport leagues

In 1936, Berlin Olympic Games engaged in Sportwashing of Nazi atrocities during Holocaust. In 2022, the PGA Tour is actively Sportwashing Kingdom of Saudi Arabia by collaborating on lucrative-golf events at The Former Guy's shithole in Bedminster. famed golfer Greg Norman, in another bit of Sportwashing, called brutal-bonesaw murder of Jamal Khashoggi a "mistake."

by Uncle Joosie September 25, 2022

Me Toobin

horrified Zoom attendees forced to watch Jeff Toobin jerk off

Jane attended virtual staff meeting on Zoom and noticed a strange action happening in one of the boxes. Just then she spotted Jeffrey Toobin massaging his trouser snake and was about to reach climax. "OMFG did you see that?" she texted her work pal. "We just got Me Toobin'ed! Gross!"

by Uncle Joosie October 20, 2020

Don Poorleone

broke-ass mobster donald j trump

Don Poorleone was trending on Twitter because Casino Mobster is getting sued to oblivion and can't even rub two nickles together

by Uncle Joosie March 24, 2024

taint team

when a prosecutor needs to get between a prick and an asshole.

In order to preserve evidence integrity, Mueller used a taint team to execute a warrant against Michael Cohen—bringing him one step closer to a courtroom.

by Uncle Joosie June 10, 2018

Fat Dracula

correct nickname for Ted Cruz

Belinda was switching channels after a long day at work and landed on Fixed Noise. bearded and obese Rafael Ted Cruz was on with Tucker Carlson to slam the libs and Belinda said "I don't got enough Chardonnay to sit through Fat Dracula. fucking pass dude."

by Uncle Joosie February 25, 2022

Asked to be remembered to her

formal Southern for "tell her I said hey"

New Yorker Lorna overheard her mother, a native southern belle, finishing up a phone call with a gal pal in Virginia. "oh well it's just lovely to have spoken today, Bobby-Jo. please tell your mother that I asked to be remembered to her!!" Lorna, having heard that salutation, fell on the floor laughing. "Ma! that's the funniest thing I've ever heard omfg! why didn't you just say 'tell her I said hey'?? I am now deceased and it will now be a running joke because imma tell all my pals and even abbreviate to ATBRTH"

by Uncle Joosie January 7, 2023