Definitions by Turkey Trot
Vehicular Hypochondria
A mechanical condition where your car leaks fluids, blows smoke, and makes horrible noises...until you take it to the shop and the mechanic can't find anything wrong with your vehicle. After spending $45 an hour for a diagnostic check which revealed nothing, the vehicle runs perfect.
Customer: "The Check-Engine Light and Service Engine Soon Light both came on. I smelled a burning smell, like something electrical. Then there was this grinding noise on the right side."
Mechanic: "I drove it around for 30 minutes and I didn't hear or smell anything. If you notice anything, bring it back and we'll deduct the price of today's service from the repair."
Customer: "I think my car's suffering from Vehicular Hypochondria! I swear it sounded like it was going to die! Now it's perfect. Go figure!"
Mechanic: "I drove it around for 30 minutes and I didn't hear or smell anything. If you notice anything, bring it back and we'll deduct the price of today's service from the repair."
Customer: "I think my car's suffering from Vehicular Hypochondria! I swear it sounded like it was going to die! Now it's perfect. Go figure!"
Vehicular Hypochondria by Turkey Trot September 26, 2012
Fuckit List
Opposite of Bucket List, which is the things you want to do before you die, a Fuckit List is a list of things you don't want to do and in fact, would rather die than do. The jobs are usually tedious, boring, redundant and pointless.
Fuckit List:
1. Clean the garage.
2. Clean the gutters.
3. Install new toilet.
4. Strip and wax basement floor.
5. Remove poison ivy from back wall of garage.
6. Scrub garbage can.
Fuckit List:
1. Clean the garage.
2. Clean the gutters.
3. Install new toilet.
4. Strip and wax basement floor.
5. Remove poison ivy from back wall of garage.
6. Scrub garbage can.
Wife: "Honey, did you remember to reseal the driveway?"
Husband, watching ball game on TV: "I'll get to it.."
Friend: "Is that on your 'Honey-Do List'?"
Husband: "No, it's on my Fuckit List...it ain't gettin' done in this lifetime!"
Husband, watching ball game on TV: "I'll get to it.."
Friend: "Is that on your 'Honey-Do List'?"
Husband: "No, it's on my Fuckit List...it ain't gettin' done in this lifetime!"
Fuckit List by Turkey Trot July 19, 2011
Computer Time
That warp in the space-time continuum that happens when you get on the computer "for a few minutes" to check your email and the next time you look at the clock, it's 4 hours later. Similar to what happened to people in the movie "Looker".
Also akin to the NFL minute.
Also akin to the NFL minute.
Man: "Honey, I'll be up for dinner in a few minutes, I've got to check my email."
Woman: "You said that last night. By the time you check your email, read the headlines, check your stocks, play Zuma, look for car parts on eBay, watch a few YouTube videos and download music to your iPod, it'll be midnight! A few minutes in 'computer time' is like a few years in dog years!"
Man: "True dhat!"
Woman: "You said that last night. By the time you check your email, read the headlines, check your stocks, play Zuma, look for car parts on eBay, watch a few YouTube videos and download music to your iPod, it'll be midnight! A few minutes in 'computer time' is like a few years in dog years!"
Man: "True dhat!"
Computer Time by Turkey Trot April 3, 2011
Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday Sinners
Catholic. You go to church on Saturday night, get your church on. Then Sunday start your new week of debauchery and sinful living. Spoof on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Michelle to her co-worker: "I'd like to invite you to church this Sunday."
Betty: "Thank You, what church do you go to?"
Michelle: "It's the Church of Latter-Day Saints."
Betty: "Oh, I used to go to the Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday sinners! We had bingo, spaghetti suppers with a beer garden, wine with Communion. You go to church Saturday night, look all churchy, then the next day go back to being you! Come next Saturday, get reset to zero again."
Michelle: "Oh, never mind then..."
Betty: "Thank You, what church do you go to?"
Michelle: "It's the Church of Latter-Day Saints."
Betty: "Oh, I used to go to the Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday sinners! We had bingo, spaghetti suppers with a beer garden, wine with Communion. You go to church Saturday night, look all churchy, then the next day go back to being you! Come next Saturday, get reset to zero again."
Michelle: "Oh, never mind then..."
Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday Sinners by Turkey Trot March 31, 2011
Church Police
People you know from church, but are not really friends with outside of church. They notice you at Wal-Mart on Sunday afternoon after you skipped church that day and approach you to announce that they missed you in church, expecting either a doctor's note or an explanation as to where you were.
Wife: "Shoot! I ran into the Church Police while I was at Wal-Mart."
Husband: "Who was it?"
Wife: "Betty and George."
Husband: "Did they say anything?"
Wife: "Yeah. 'We missed you today at church.'"
Husband: "What'd you say?"
Wife: "One of the kids was sick."
Husband: "Who was it?"
Wife: "Betty and George."
Husband: "Did they say anything?"
Wife: "Yeah. 'We missed you today at church.'"
Husband: "What'd you say?"
Wife: "One of the kids was sick."
Church Police by Turkey Trot March 14, 2011
SPONGE
Affirmative Action, my ass! I'm calling my local chapter of SPONGE. I'm sick to death of Section 8, welfare, food stamps, free lunch, Title I, and the United Negro College Fund. It's high time whitey got some bennies.
SPONGE by Turkey Trot February 18, 2011
Studies show
A term used to validate some erroneous claim. Usually the sources of the "studies" are not revealed. People will use the anonymous "studies" as some sort of statistical evidence.
Studies show that a person's level of happiness is directly linked to his or her involvement in community service.
Studies show by Turkey Trot January 21, 2011