Terry Deary's definitions

elephant impression

n. (sometimes "elephant impersonation") To open your pockets out, unzip your fly, and whip it out, thus your pockets bearing vague resemblance to elephant ears, and your walloper to the beast's trunk.

The more ardent of impersonators will paint his beef dagger grey, then gel his pubes outwards and paint them white, to give the impression of tusks.

The kids weren't amused by his balloon shapes or his juggling, and Coco the clown was running out of ideas. He had to make sure these kids had fun or he wouldn't get paid for the gig. All of a sudden, he had a stroke of genius!
"Say, kids..." whispered Coco, "do you like wild animals?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" yelled the brats excitedly.
"Well, what luck!" the clown laughed, "'cos I just happen to have my pet elephant with me today!"
"Hooray!" shouted the kids.

Coco was fined £5000, put on the Sex Offenders' Register and sentenced to 3 years without parole for indecent exposure to minors.

Elephant impressions are not suitable for children under 10 years old.

by Terry Deary August 29, 2006

backdoor surprise

v./n. inf(!) to unexpectedly penetrate someone's anus; often, of a heterosexual couple engaged in doggy style intercourse, when the male withdraws from the vagina, and hilariously re-inserts into the anus without prior warning.

NOT to be confused with the equally amusing Cadbury Surprise.

Betty: ... but then, as I... as I was about to... come, for some reason he pulled out... and then... *breaks down sobbing* he.. he put it... oh god! *sobs uncontrolably*
Psychiatrist 1: He gave you a BACKDOOR SURPRISE!? What a guy!!!
*hi-fives Psychiatrist 2*
Psychiatrist 2: Man, that is awesome!

by Terry Deary July 21, 2008

bawspank

v. fig. to pwn somebody.
v. lit. to slap someone's testicles.

Lads, remember when Shakespeare got bawspanked by Joe Tash?

Me: What's yu0r favourite movie?
Shakespeare: The Bawspank Redemption

by Terry Deary June 3, 2005

Bella

n. British rhyming slang for the popular and very strong (5.2% abv) Belgian lager, Stella Artois. Generally used by the politically-correct or mild-mannered public house frequenteur, because the better-known synonym for Stella Artois in the UK is wifebeater.

Barman: What'll it be?
Barfly 1: What's cheap?
Barman: Carling, Foster's...
Barfly 2: Don't get cheap on me, you tightwad! Two pint of Bella, please.

by Terry Deary December 7, 2006

ball goggles

n./adj. (Scot. pron. "baw goggles") A deviant sexual practice wherein one covers his partner's eyes with his clockweights. Most probably popularised due to the humiliation factor for the blinded partner.

I couldn't believe my luck when my girlfriend's sister asked me to give her a pair of ball goggles for her birthday!

by Terry Deary August 29, 2006

whip it out

v. inf. A common phrase used to describe the occasion of a man suddenly producing his penis, often when completely unexpected and for no reason whatsoever.

Jim: See the game last night?
Dave: Yeah, United were unlucky to lose.
Jim: Think they'll sack the manager now?
Dave: They might have to. What do you think Gary?
*Gary whips it out*

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

gonk

n. Has several, widespread meanings - often depending on geography - such as blowjob or underwear. Can also be used as a generic insult.

The word is best used, however, to describe enemies who must be eliminated in videogames.

Me (playing Goldeneye: Jesus, I'm getting blasted to fuck here! There's way too many gonks!
You (advising me): There's one to your right...
Me: Oh shit, I'm dead. These gonks just didn't stop. Fucking gonks.

by Terry Deary December 7, 2006