Telephony's definitions

bloody hatchet wound

Slang term for the female cunt; esp. if that pussy's owner is on the rag.

Don't fuck Jessica tonight; she has a bloody hatchet wound and you'll get your dick covered in her menstruation!!!

by Telephony September 30, 2018

wheezer

An alternate term for an inhaler.

Hey Ethyl!
Can you please bring over my wheezer? I'm having a bit of trouble with my athsma.

by Telephony November 23, 2013

carperpetuation

The act of, when vaccuming, running over a piece of lint or string eight or nine times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, examining it, then throwing it back down to give the vacuum one last chance.
Repeat as frequently as necessary.

Linda!
You're doing carperpetuation again!
Just take that fucking piece of string over to the wastepaperbasket or flush it away in the shitbowl instead of pissing away the whole goddamn day trying to vaccum it up!

by Telephony August 6, 2014

Sataned eggs

They're like Deviled eggs, but when secretly made with copious amounts of hot sauce they become hellishly, unbearably hot. Truly, they've become SATANED EGGS!

Holy shit Daniel! These aren't Deviled eggs, they're Sataned eggs! PASS ME THE MILK, HURRY!!!

by Telephony February 21, 2018

On the Rag Again

A phoney-bologna fake made up song, sung to the Willy Nelson song, "On the Road Again".

♪On the rag again!♪
♪I just can't wait to go on the rag again!!♪

♪The life I love is making music with my (menstrual) pads♪
♪And I can't wait to go on the rag again!!!♪

♪On the rag again,♪
♪See those bloody tampons swirling down the toliet!♪

♪She's a fucked-up friend♪
♪Keeps insisting that those panty liners keep coming...keep coming!♪

♪On the rag again,♪
♪I just can't wait to go on the rag again,♪
♪The life I love is making music with the head,♪
♪And I can't wait to go on the rag again!!!♪

by Telephony July 28, 2016

ombusher

How one often spells the word "embouchure" (because "embouchure" sounds like it should be spelled "ombusher") -- the use of the facial muscles and shaping of the lips when playing a wind instrument like a tuba or trombone.

You're putting too much pressure on the mouthpiece. Relax the ombusher. Don't use any muscles you don't need.

by Telephony January 4, 2011

pissblanket

A plastic mattress protector; used to prevent a mattress from becoming wrecked if somebody has enuresis (if they piss the bed). They are often found on beds at group homes and similar facilities.

Robbins then thinks about the pissblankets on every bed in the joint, so he rips the pissblanket off of one of the beds, goes around and unscrews all of the light bulbs he can get to, pours the generous helping of light bulbs into the pissblanket (approx. 24 bulbs), gathers up the edges, and whirls the bulging pissblanket over his head -- striking the wall with it a number of times until he is absolutely, positively, 100% certain that all of the bulbs inside are busted. He then crams the pissblanket and its cargo of broken bulbs into a nearby wastepaperbasket.

by Telephony April 16, 2011