Telephony's definitions

synthetic gunfire

The sound of gunfire from a handgun, rifle, automatic weapon, etc. created solely by hardware or computer software synthesis. Found most frequently in computer video game or demo choons.

No guns are fouled and no poor, innocent, helpless, defenseless bullets are damaged or destroyed when synthetic gunfire is employed.

The title zax for the Commodore Amiga video game, "Datastorm" is just loaded with synthetic gunfire! How kewl!!!

by Telephony October 20, 2015

coffee penus

When you have to uranate every five or ten minutes because you've been drinking too much coffee.

(Rick): {dialing telephone}: beep beep boop beep boop boop beep

{ring...ring...ring...}

(Rick's boss): Hello, this is National Plastics Conglomerate, how may I help you?

(Rick): Hey boss, can't come in today. Got coffee penus and I'd never make the 40-minute commute without pissing all over myself.

(Rick's boss): YOU'RE FIRED!!! ***CLICK!!!***

by Telephony November 13, 2011

A Spoonful of Medicine Helps the Sugar Go Down

A parody of the song, "A Spoonful of Sugar" from a Mary Poppins movie.

♪ Just a... ♪
♪ Spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down ♪
♪ The sugar go down-wown ♪
♪ The sugar go down ♪
♪ Just a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down ♪
♪ In a most delightful way ♪

by Telephony July 1, 2015

ashhole

An inconsiderate smoker.
The ashhole will flip lighted cigarette stubs out of his automobile window, crush out his used siggerets on the sidewalk instead of extinguishing them in a sand urn or putting them back in the pack, continue to smoke around a nonsmoker who asks him politely to move (the ashhole just sits there like a lump of coal), drop cigarette stubs into a beer can at a party without telling anybody which can, etc.

Josh, move the hell away from that lady! She's politely asked you twice to move, and you just sit there puffing away. Jeez you're such an ashhole!

by Telephony June 23, 2018

faggy clothes

Another term for, "gay apparel".
N.B., the word gay didn't mean back in the 19th century when the song, "Deck the Halls" was written what it means in the 21st century. :-/

Definitions:
19th century: Gay = bright & lively, NOT homosexual.
21st century: Gay = a total faggot man! Do I have to spell it out for you? ;-)

Deck the Halls: how it's supposed to go:

♫Deck the halls with boughs of holly, ♫
♫Fa la la la la, la la la la. ♫
♫Tis the season to be jolly,♫

♫Fa la la la la, la la la la. ♫
♫Don we now our gay apparel, ♫
♫Fa la la, la la la, la la la. ♫

How it COULD go:

♫Deck the halls with boughs of holly, ♫
♫Fa la la la la, la la la la. ♫
♫Tis the season to be jolly,♫
♫Fa la la la la, la la la la. ♫
♫Putting on our faggy clothes, ♫
♫Fa la la, la la la, la la la. ♫

by Telephony November 11, 2016

Meat Santa

A butcher; especially in the month of December.

{Butcher}: Here's your prime rib, all wrapped up real nice.
{Customer}: Thank you, and have a merry Christmas, Meat Santa!

by Telephony December 5, 2018

range rover

No, not the SUV that goes by the same name...a range rover is a creature like a cockroach, ant, or rat) that walks, runs, or skitters across a range (loosely defined as an oven with a stovetop).

Marge, get the bugicide because there's a fucking range rover in the kitchen!

by Telephony May 29, 2016