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Definitions by Submitters of Words

Conservative Black and White Thinking Disorder 

The tendency for conservatives to think largely in terms of black and white for every single issue on the planet. Mostly a result of an absolutist religious upbringing, I believe.

An example,

Bob, a 43 year old loving father of two, with a spotless criminal record, assaults a sixteen year old girl. Everyone is shocked and puzzled. When caught, he has a nervous breakdown and is put in a mental institution. There, he undergoes various tests and scans. Doctors discover a giant tumor in the part of the brain responsible for sexual activities.

They remove it via surgery, and he's back to normal again. There's no doubt about it - from similar cases we can see that tumors in that part of the brain drive normal men crazy. What to do?
Liberal: After having considered all the evidence, I don't see any point in incarcerating him. He's not a threat. I fucking hate worthless child molesters but he clearly can't be held responsible for this. Probation should do, just in case I'm wrong. (though i doubt it)

Moderate: The science involved certainly seems to indicate that he's not responsible for this disgusting deed. Given his prior record, he doesn't seem like a threat. Still, I'm not totally convinced. A year in prison maybe? More testing, in any case.

Conservative: Why the fuck are we even talking about this? Tumors don't do anything anyway, that's just a THEORY! Has everyone lost their fucking mind, he attacked a helpless child! Stone him to death! Oh wait, I forgot that we don't live in Afghanistan or Iran. Well in that case, give 'im the lethal injection. Shit, that's not allowed for non-murderers? SHIT! I swear, liberals are bleeding this fucking country dry! DEATH TO LIBERALS!!! *waves rebel flag*

Conservative Black and White Thinking Disorder is a major problem in the US, sadly. Mostly as a result of religious faith.

For another example, see black and white thinkers.

Super Fucking Obnoxious 1500 Character Limit 

I've seen definitions 10,000 "characters" long, but for some reason we're restricted to only 1500 now. Which sucks.
The Super Fucking Obnoxious 1500 Character Limit is the worst thing to happen to this site in a long time... some definitions are meant to be long, people!

Conservative 

People who tend to have black and white opinions on nearly every issue in the universe. Don't realize the importance of situational ethics. This is most likely the result of a fundamentalist religious upbringing.
A nine year old girl, tragically, is raped and impregnated by her stepfather. What to do? According to the religious absolutist, abortion is, under all circumstances, 100% wrong. Unless the birth is life-threatening, she can't abort.

Moderate: I don't normally support abortion, but here it's necessary.
Liberal: I think abortion is a right that belongs to the mother. I would support her right to choose if this girl was nine or twenty nine, raped or non-raped. (although i would personally disapprove of it in the latter).
Conservative: Fucking baby killers! It's an innocent fucking BABY we're talking about!
(as opposed to a non-sentient cluster of cells, lacking a nervous system and the ability to feel pain)

Situational Ethics 

A system of ethics that evaluates acts in light of their situational context rather than by the application of moral absolutes.
Situational ethics:

Imagine you are invited to dinner at the house of a friend. You arrive, exchange polite conversation, enjoy a few appetizers and sit down at the table. Midway through the main course you suddenly begin shouting at the other guests, overturning the chairs, grab the host out of his chair and begin physically assaulting him.

That would be considered highly inappropriate behavior - unless, of course, you had just observed him choking, you took charge of the situation, instructing one guest to call for help, another to wait outside and flag down the ambulance while you cleared obstructions out of the way and administered the life-saving Heimlich maneuver.

No Child's Behind Left 

The official dogma of the Catholic Church.

Credit goes to Christopher Hitchens
"no child's behind left"

Ok, maybe that's a stretch. But there's definitely at least a grain of truth to it.

Celestial Dictator 

Who else but a celestial dictator would set up an eternal concentration camp for nonbelievers?

Antipasti 

The FSM version of the antichrist

Also known as "antipasta".
The antipasti will surely doom us all...