Soon 2. B. Unemployed's definitions

helper pillow

While in the missionary position, placing a pillow underneath the hips of the one on the bottom. This raises the hips upward to create a more enjoyable and deeper penetration.

Honey, wait, this bed is too saggy. Let's get a helper pillow.

by soon 2. b. unemployed December 26, 2012

polishing Yul Brenner's head

Masturbatory term.

My mom said I'd grow hair on my palms if I kept polishing Yul Brenner's head, but I'm determined to wear that hair off.

by Soon 2. B. Unemployed March 18, 2011

paddle whacking

Masturbatory term.

I saw that tweet from Jessica Alba and just had to start paddle whacking.

by Soon 2. B. Unemployed March 18, 2011

documentress

A female contractor tasked with writing technical documentation for large software products.

Bill: Say, Mark, who's the new girl?
Mark: She's the new documentress.
Bill: Wow, I feel my pencil getting sharper already.

by Soon 2. B. Unemployed March 18, 2011

dingle phlegm

The thick, clingy cum that hangs off your penis when you pull out of your mate.

"Baby, that ride was awesome. It felt like you came a gallon. Be careful when you pull out so your dingle phlegm doesn't drop on the helper pillow."

by Soon 2. B. Unemployed January 7, 2013

hermaphrogeek

A female geek who has totally lost any semblance of womanhood.

Fred: Yo, Ted! I haven't seen Cheryl in ages. What the heck happened to her?
Ted: I don't know. She totally got into Warcraft and now she seems to have turned into a hermaphrogeek. I can't tell if she's still a girl or not.

by Soon 2. B. Unemployed July 10, 2012

scoreboard injury

The act of faking an injury in an athletic competition in which your team is losing by a lot so you don't have to play anymore.

Dad: I'm sorry your basketball game turned out so bad. But did you see the way Mary collapsed in the middle of the floor? It was an Academy Award-winning slow motion fall. Eyes rolled up to the ceiling with a slow spin to the floor. No one touched her!
Daughter: I know. Scoreboard injury. She had to lay there for a while to make it look good.
Dad: Well, at least the other girls on the team who care about playing got playing time.

by Soon 2. B. Unemployed January 1, 2012