Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

Caliphaggot

A member of the muslim terrorist group ISIS that rapes other men as a power move to exert dominance; he will claim it is not about being gay, but that he is raping an infidel in the name of Allah.

I've been reading the news reports about all the ways those ISIS guys are torturing their victims, like anal rape because they're a bunch of Caliphaggot's.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 8, 2019

hyper duke

When you really have to shit but don't have the time to relax and enjoy it, so you push it out as fast as possible, in an effort to get back to your day.

I had to shit really bad, but Rick and Morty was about to come on, so I had to make it a Hyper Duke

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018

Capitol Hilldos

A portmanteau of Capitol Hill and Dildos, which stands as a derogatory name for the United States Senate and House of Representatives, because much like a sex toy, they rarely accomplish anything without being handled aggressively and serve only the purpose of fucking you.

Reporter on TV: and in other news, Congress has once again demonstrated what Capitol Hilldos they are by jamming $500 Billion of Corporate Bailout spending into the Coronavirus stimulus package, screwing our financial future but making sure their campaign donors won't have to sell off their yachts and summer homes...

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 29, 2020

Breech Baby

An insult for someone of lacking intelligence or who generally has simple concepts go over their head. The connection being that like a baby being delivered feet first, their brain isnt getting enough oxygen.

I told my neighbor that huffing spray paint is bad for his brain but he just replied "but it fucks me up so good...". That guy is such a breech baby.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 5, 2022

Jerusalem Feet

A nickname for people who have dirty soles and heels, resembling those of people who lived in biblical times. Typically the result of walking in sandals all day and not washing off the excess filth afterwards.

Guy: Goddamn, my wife climbed into bed last night with dirt ass heels and toes looking like she had Jerusalem Feet.
Friend: Jerusalem Feet?
Guy: YEAH!, bitch looked like she'd been walking with Jesus and the apostles all day.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 11, 2025

Whinabifida

An ailment that afflicts young children and invokes feelings of constant boredom, disappointment and unfulfillment. These emotions are usually in spite of an abundance of trips to the park, treats and presents. They then express these ideas verbally ad nauseum, in high pitched and annoying tones of voice.

Parent: My kid always complains about how we never do anything fun and that it's unfair. It's all the time doc...
Pediatrician: sounds like your child is suffering from Whinabifida.
Parent: How do you treat that?
Pediatrician: Acetaminophen and a pillow over their face while they're sleeping.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin June 15, 2019

herd of pachyderms

A group of 3-8 fat women, who travel together on social outings for protection and moral support. They are known to frequent Ladies Night and all-you-can-eat buffets.

I came to the bar to find some hot action, not get trampled by a herd of pachyderms.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 12, 2019