Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

Polar Whortex

Inuit slang for an eskimo woman's vagina. To be inside of it is a wonder of nature as it is both sludgy and moist but subzero in temperature at the same time.

Nanook loved his wife, but hated how cold his lovesicle would get when he would stick it in her polar whortex.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 2, 2019

Jerusalem Feet

A nickname for people who have dirty soles and heels, resembling those of people who lived in biblical times. Typically the result of walking in sandals all day and not washing off the excess filth afterwards.

Guy: Goddamn, my wife climbed into bed last night with dirt ass heels and toes looking like she had Jerusalem Feet.
Friend: Jerusalem Feet?
Guy: YEAH!, bitch looked like she'd been walking with Jesus and the apostles all day.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 11, 2025

fruit punch bowl

Slang for a gay man's rectum after several partners have finished inside him in rapid succession.

12 guys just ran a train in the bathroom on some total slut and turned his ass into a fruit punch bowl.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 3, 2019

herd of pachyderms

A group of 3-8 fat women, who travel together on social outings for protection and moral support. They are known to frequent Ladies Night and all-you-can-eat buffets.

I came to the bar to find some hot action, not get trampled by a herd of pachyderms.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 12, 2019

Holey Tingle

The sensation one feels after taking an unbelievably massive shit. You will notice that your anus is exhausted and you experience pins and needles sensations like when your foot falls asleep. A side effect of the Holey Tingle is a tendency to not want to sit down but also need a nap.

Guy 1: Dude, I just crapped off about 5 pounds and now my asshole is throbbing, but like, in a good way.

Guy 2: That my friend, is what we call the "Holey Tingle"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023

GFYOF

An acronym for "Go Fuck Your Own Face".

My boss: You know you're 2 minutes late right?

Me: It's snowing and the roads were a mess
My Boss: I don't care that's not an excuse
Me: GFYOF

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 5, 2018

Zedite

A slur for Gen Z members, who much like the demonic spirits from the Evil Dead franchise, spew vitriol and negativity and will "swallow your soul" by forcing you to believe what they do, OR ELSE; they clearly want to take over the world. They are known for being judgmental, irritable, socially maladapted and staring into device screens like a zombie.

Gen X Dad: I accidentally talked about how great life was in the 90's around my daughters college friends and they all went berserk and began screaming at me like demons.

Friend: Kinda like those possessed people in Evil Dead?

Gen X Dad: Yeah like deadite's, except Gen Z'ers... so "Zedite's"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023