Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

adrian peterson'd

The act of a child getting their ass whooped by their parent for a petty reason.

Last week I was picking my daughter up from school, when another kid dropped his backpack on the ground and got totally Adrian Peterson'd by his dad.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018

Polar Whortex

Inuit slang for an eskimo woman's vagina. To be inside of it is a wonder of nature as it is both sludgy and moist but subzero in temperature at the same time.

Nanook loved his wife, but hated how cold his lovesicle would get when he would stick it in her polar whortex.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 2, 2019

Jerusalem Feet

A nickname for people who have dirty soles and heels, resembling those of people who lived in biblical times. Typically the result of walking in sandals all day and not washing off the excess filth afterwards.

Guy: Goddamn, my wife climbed into bed last night with dirt ass heels and toes looking like she had Jerusalem Feet.
Friend: Jerusalem Feet?
Guy: YEAH!, bitch looked like she'd been walking with Jesus and the apostles all day.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 11, 2025

Zedite

A slur for Gen Z members, who much like the demonic spirits from the Evil Dead franchise, spew vitriol and negativity and will "swallow your soul" by forcing you to believe what they do, OR ELSE; they clearly want to take over the world. They are known for being judgmental, irritable, socially maladapted and staring into device screens like a zombie.

Gen X Dad: I accidentally talked about how great life was in the 90's around my daughters college friends and they all went berserk and began screaming at me like demons.

Friend: Kinda like those possessed people in Evil Dead?

Gen X Dad: Yeah like deadite's, except Gen Z'ers... so "Zedite's"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023

Buska

Fecal remnants. Either from pooping or a shart.

My mom busted me out for the buska streaks in my dirty underwear.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 12, 2019

herd of pachyderms

A group of 3-8 fat women, who travel together on social outings for protection and moral support. They are known to frequent Ladies Night and all-you-can-eat buffets.

I came to the bar to find some hot action, not get trampled by a herd of pachyderms.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 12, 2019

Whinabifida

An ailment that afflicts young children and invokes feelings of constant boredom, disappointment and unfulfillment. These emotions are usually in spite of an abundance of trips to the park, treats and presents. They then express these ideas verbally ad nauseum, in high pitched and annoying tones of voice.

Parent: My kid always complains about how we never do anything fun and that it's unfair. It's all the time doc...
Pediatrician: sounds like your child is suffering from Whinabifida.
Parent: How do you treat that?
Pediatrician: Acetaminophen and a pillow over their face while they're sleeping.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin June 15, 2019