QuacksO's definitions

Alamony

Veterans widows benefits paid to Elizabeth Patton-Crockett and other wives of the deceased patriots from the Texas Revolution massacre.

For some divorced husbands, having to pay alamony actually feels comparably painful to being killed in action at the infamous Mexican chapel.

by QuacksO August 30, 2018

go-to guy

An ultra-forgiving and soft-hearted dude --- often a clean-living fellow who is financially-solvent and caring/respectful to everyone, but who seldom is able to "hang on to" a lady for more than a month or two because he is somewhat naive/awkward and/or he simply lacks "hot hunk" appeal --- whom a selfish/irresponsible lady views as merely a "spare tire" --- she keeps "running back to him" over and over again each time her successive brief flings with other guys go sour... like many of the other gals who have briefly dated him, she actually gets along okay with this one particular dude most of the time --- he always treats her with kindness and respect, and he's "always there for her" and helps her out with stuff in her life. But then whenever she meets someone new, she gets all starry-eyed and flippantly brushes off the clueless guy in her eager reckless headlong dash for seemingly greener pastures, but then when the new dude gets fed up with her mindlessly-consumptive ways and/or shallow attitude and goes off in a huff again, she immediately comes bawling and blubbering back to her "original" guy in floods of penitent tears --- "How could I have ever even DREAMED of leaving you? How utterly STUPID of me... you are indeed the best thing that ever happened to me!" (Yeah, sure --- just until she meets somebody else, that is, and then here we go all over again!)

Clueless dude with his heart on his sleeve: I hate being a go-to guy for a lot of the gals I meet... I wanna be one of the "regular tires" on their car, not just the spare donut to rattle around in their trunk and then briefly slap on whenever one of their "regular tires" blows out, and then get casually tossed back into the trunk as soon as another "regular tire" comes along!

by QuacksO August 4, 2017

Oakcursed

Da premium (and premium-PRICED) brand of moo-juice dat your roomie always insists on choosing at da supermarket, and you (A) cannot for da life of you tell any difference in taste from just da regular $1.23-cheaper-per-gallon ($4.99 vs. da $3.76 state-minimum price) "generic" store brand, and (B) always have to end up buying full gallon-jugs (even if there was only a small amount left in da bottle to begin with) of said outrageously-priced premium-brand milk for said roomie whenever you drank his up because you were absolutely crazy-thirsty and da supermarket was closed at da time.

I try to tell my roomie dat da store-brand of milk is actually identical to his confounded Oakcursed brand; the jug just gets slapped wid a different label --- "It's all just da same milk from da same farms and comes from da very same creamery, Dude --- you're just payin' extra fer da premium name!" --- but he won't listen... claims dat "da generic stuff is nasty", whereas da premium brand "tastes a lot fresher and more flavorful". Yeah, right --- just like "da old records sound better", as opposed to da modern CDs dat were made from da very same master-tapes! :P :P

by QuacksO August 11, 2018

fortune teller

A con-man who TELLS you b**ls**t advice/predictions and charges a FORTUNE for said "divine rvelations"/

Harry Houdini had little patience or respect for so-called fortune tellers, and he was able to expose the vast majority of them as nothing but frauds and humbugs.

by QuacksO March 29, 2019

It's not my problem

What you say when someone else asks for your help with a so-called "emergency". While this response may indeed be fully valid/appropriate in cases where the asker is unreasonably seeking assistance and/or should be seeking said assistance elsewhere, it unfortunately can also be abused, wherein the speaker may be wrongfully denying the asker reasonable or "Golden Rule" help --- in other words, the same type/degree of assistance that HE HIMSELF would logically expect from others if HE had a similar unexpected crisis in his OWN life.

Stranded motorist: Thanks so much for coming out in the rain to give me a jump-start, Buddy! Bless your heart!
Redneck hippie in an ancient Ford F-150: No problemmo, Dude --- it's only what I'd want myself if I was in this same situation. I'm just sorry you walked all that distance to ask me for help... there's a fairly well-off family who lives a good quarter-mile nearer here than I do, and they have several nice vehicles that they could have helped you with.
Motorist: Yeah, well I actually DID ask there, and the smooth-skinned older hombre who came to the door with a TV-remote in his hand just told me curtly, "It's not my problem --- you should have remembered to turn off your headlights."

Redneck: Really?!?? Well, that totally SUX --- I guess HE'S just never had any problems like this, and so he doesn't know that errors like that can happen to anyone!

by QuacksO January 1, 2017

infurriating

Describes any hair-covered mammal whose actions cause frustration/rage.

Two examples of infurriating animals would be cats and squirrels --- da felines shed all over the house, and da chattering tree-dwellers always abscond with your bird-seed before your feathered friends can get it!

by QuacksO August 29, 2020

accommadate

To rearrange/re-word a sentence to allow for a "pause" punctuation mark --- i.e., the lower half of a semicolon --- to be added to and used in said sentence.

This sentence is too long to allow me to read it aloud without pausing for breath; please make necessary adjustments to accommadate me here.

by QuacksO August 16, 2022