Definitions by QuacksO
"Will Rogers" second chance
Refers to the rare and off-the-scale-wonderful "lucky break" obtained in the following scenario: you are "just suffering" to say something rude/impolite, but then of course you immediately regret said verbal-indiscretion just as soon as it's slipped past yer flapper. But then --- by the grace of Fate --- the unwitting recipient of your snide remark either hadn't been paying attention properly when you'd uttered your auditory barb, he is a bit hard-of-hearing, or you hadn't been speaking loudly enough to be heard over the distance and/or other background noises that were present at the time, and so your "victim" never actually understood --- nor did he suffer any emotional distress from --- your insult, and so he innocently/apologetically asks you to repeat yourself. But of course, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO SAY THE MEAN STATEMENT A SECOND TIME --- now that you've "relieved your internal pressure" by initially making the simmery-tempered remark and then THINKING that the other person heard you, you can now proceed more clear-headedly, and so you can simply say, "Nuthin'" or, "Never mind" when the other person asks you what you'd said.
I was heatedly peeved about how long it had taken the local garage to repair my car, so I made a regrettably-choice remark as I entered the office to pay my bill. Fortunately, though, the office's connecting-door was still somewhat ajar as I spoke, and so the din of the noisy garage-tools drowned out my derogatory statement, allowing me a classic "Will Rogers" second chance to just clamp my tongue. Yup, Ol' "Willie R" was right --- "Never miss a good chance to SHUT UP."
"Will Rogers" second chance by QuacksO November 14, 2018
cullprit
Da pathetically-inept/bumbling "bottom of da heap" or "floor-sweepings" type of crook who is such a doofus in his commissions of his crimes dat he puts all criminals to shame.
"helpful" legs-lift
Refers to the playful "pretend assistive" action of raising someone's ankles up off the bed/couch in an apparent effort to aid him in standing back up ("Okay, your feet are up so far; you can lift more of yourself up now!"), but in reality you are effectively **preventing** him from standing up, since he would need to have his legs **lower** than his head and torso in order to be able to sit up and get to his feet. :P
Employing da "helpful" legs-lift is a good way of sarcastically conveying to a huge-a** lazy-bones who has groaningly asked for your assistance in rising dat he is obviously much too big/bulky/heavy for a much-smaller/lighter/weaker person like you to actually lift to his feet, and dat he will therefore need to just clamber back up under his OWN steam.
"helpful" legs-lift by QuacksO November 13, 2018
u.l.p.e.
Stands for "unauthorized local percussion expert", and refers to a self-possessed a**h**e living near you who fancies himself such a pro on da drums dat he plays dem from early morning, almost continuously all day, and late into da night, disturbing da public peace and keeping all his peace-'n'-quiet-loving neighbors awake till all hours.
{{Thump-thump-thump, thump-thump-thump, thump-thum-thuh-thuh-thuh-thuh-thump; thump-thump-thump, thump-thump-thump, thump-thum-thuh-thuh-thuh-thuh-thump...}}
Citizen: Ooooooohhhh, brother --- there goes our u.l.p.e. bangin' on his confounded drums again! How can he play 'em all day and half da night like dat?! Don't his arms and wrists ever get sore? Doesn't he ever sleep???
Citizen: Ooooooohhhh, brother --- there goes our u.l.p.e. bangin' on his confounded drums again! How can he play 'em all day and half da night like dat?! Don't his arms and wrists ever get sore? Doesn't he ever sleep???