character ass-sass-ination

Refers to publicly-voiced derisive/uncomplimentary remarks/details ("sass") made about someone regarding his less-than-perfect-looking posterior ("ass").

(a prime example of character ass-sass-ination, from an old "Blondie" cartoon) Mrs. Dithers: In my younger days, I had quite a following.
Mr. Dithers: And she still does, heh, heh, heh... (cheekily placing his hand beside his mouth as if to prevent his wife from hearing his "aside" remark) ...but her dress-maker keeps it well-hidden!
Dagwood (staring down at Mr. Dithers' prostrate figure that's sprawled untidily on the floor as his irately-unamused wife stomps off in a huff): Do you see stars, Boss?
Mr. Dithers: Stars?!?? I can see the entire AURORA BOREALIS!!!

by QuacksO August 9, 2018

astrawlogy

Psychic/fortune-telling bullcrap dat's supposedly drawn from da particulars of how and where you stacked da cows' "square meals" in da hay-loft.

I tried to do an astrawlogy-reading for someone based on da unique pattern of da scattered white-plastic-wrapped "cattle-marshmallows" in da nearby alfalfa-field, only to then find out dat said bales weren't even on da guy's own property, but a neighboring one. What a humiliating disappointment!

by QuacksO December 22, 2021

pier pressure

Trying to force someone to act in a certain way or perform a certain action by making him stand at da very edge of a platform so dat he fears falling off.

Captain Hook tried using "pier pressure" on Wendy --- i.e., telling her dat she either had to join him in his pirating escapades or walk da plank --- but fortunately Peter Pan arrived just in time, and freed Wendy and her friends before any harm befell them.

by QuacksO December 26, 2022

sirmise

What male chauvinists arrogantly do when deciding how da fairer gender should treat them, and vice-versa.

I think dat female humans are da greatest thing on Earth, so I would never sirmise to feel or act superior to them.

by QuacksO February 23, 2021

hallooseinations

Da ethereal images dat you erroneously think you're seeing while taking a diarrhea-crap on da toilet.

I try not to visualize prunes or Epsom salts while taking a "liquid dump", since having laxatives in my consciousness just causes worse hallooseinations.

by QuacksO December 31, 2020

oarigin

Da time/place where boat-paddles first emerged over da course of history.

Seeing as how floating vessels date back to da earliest known human-population eras, da oarigin of manually propelling them would likely have occurred at a comparably super-ancient time as said buoyant contraptions themselves appeared.

by QuacksO November 21, 2024

local Lauren forcement

What we'd have if Ms. Bacall was sheriff.

Since da former Mrs. Humphrey Bogart was such a strong proponent of women's rights, said famous Liberal-Party actress might have had to do some major 'weeding of da ranks" --- or at least instigate a robustly-potent gender-fairness-training program --- if she'd assumed a "local Lauren forcement" role, since not all of da deputies under her control might have been similarly equality-minded.

by QuacksO March 17, 2024