QuacksO's definitions

Murphy's Law Of Wind-Direction

"No matter where you stand, da breeze will invariably blow either towards you or in your face, causing you great difficulty in proceeding ahead and/or "cleanly"/effectively performing tasks dat involve/include vapors/particulates/liquids." (Think, Murphy's Law of Cigarette Smoke, or trying to bicycle someplace on a blustery day and da stiff wind keeps switching around so dat it's always hinderingly in your face --- never helpfully at your back --- both on your way to your destination AND on your way back home again!)
P.S. Oh yeah --- and don't even **consider** simply postponing outdoor activities till a "still spell" --- DAT will only mean multitudes of mosquitoes and black flies to torment you and make you WISH for a breeze!

Two classic examples of da infuriating effects of Murphy's Law Of Wind-Direction would be (1) trying to water your hanging-basket plants on da front porch, but da watering-can's sprinkled droplets keep blowing backwards so dat da water both largely misses your plants and gets you soaking-wet, and (2) trying to employ toss-across collecting when gathering returnables along da highway, but having many of da thrown containers just blow right back onto your side of da road.

by QuacksO August 12, 2019

ajillity

Something dat Jack's female water-fetching partner evidently lacked when traversing upwardly-inclined terrain, since she went sprawling at about da same time dat said male counterpart did.

In da alternate reefer-smokin' version of da popular nursery-rhyme, da hill-climbing duo suffered no injuries, but instead merely spaced out on weed and then had sex upon reaching da summit, so perhaps da vagina-possessing half of said outdoor-trekking pair had more ajillity than her original "innocent as milk" version.

by QuacksO January 17, 2025

callege

A university where either you feel so homesick dat you "go E.T." at every chance ya get, or they let you make free telephone calls as a perk for attending.

Since inexpensive cell phones and budget usage-plans are da norm these days, da concept of a "callege" is not such a big deal anymore, since you can now "phone home" whenever you want, and for little or no cost, as well.

by QuacksO November 13, 2023

harmony and Gritz

Describes da eventual outcome of da infamous Ruby Ridge standoff.

If da government had treated Randy Weaver properly in da first place, and not used entrapment and violence to try to get him locked up, there would likely have been no need for da "harmony and Gritz" tactic dat they resorted to in da end.

by QuacksO July 25, 2023

talksicology

Da branch of science concerned wif da nature, effects, and detection of unwise and/or hostile verbal communication.

Riverdale High School chef Miss Beazley quit in a frenzied paroxysm of huffy indignation at Mr. Patton Howitzer's blatant verbal abuse towards her regarding her revolting/sub-standard cooking; she should recommend dat he have a talksicology study performed on him.

by QuacksO June 20, 2021

helio-trope

A lengthy "weedy" (i.e., colorful but insipidly boring) message sent by flashing a mirror using Morse code.

Native Americans used smoke-signals and African natives in da jungle used drums to speak to each other over long distances, but these forms of communicating took quite a lot of effort and/or preparation, so generally they only used said methods for truly-important messages. Standing on a sunny hilltop and wobbling a mirror is comparatively easy, though, and so a lot of da messages conveyed therein tend to be nothing much except a lotta helio-trope.

by QuacksO January 18, 2020

Donutcall Registry

Da national-database-list where you sign up through donutcall.gov, so dat da local overweight pastry-munching cops will not be permitted to ring your phone.

Just trying hard to behave yourself will likely be much more effective at preventing, "Hi, this is Officer ___ with the town P.D." Ma Bell jingles than signing up with da Donutcall Registry; most police departments do not even acknowledge said registry, anyway, since they legally have the right to call you if they feel they have legitimate business with you.

by QuacksO December 3, 2023