OD Smith's definitions

takeshi kitano

Quite simply one of the best directors in the world right now, as well as being the epitome of cool in his acting persona, "Beat" Takeshi (taken from his stint in stand-up double act, The Two Beats) in most of his own films, as well as the likes of Battle Royale, Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, Gonin and (oops) Johnny Mnemonic.

Best known for his Yakuza films (such as Sonatine and Brother), as well as Hana-bi and the truly fantastic Zatoichi - both of which winning the Venice Film Festival in 1997 and 2003 respectively.

Also known for presenting Takeshi's Castle - which makes as much sense as Francis Ford Coppola's Saturday Night Takeaway if you think about it. Not to be confused with the qually brilliant and prolific (if borderline deranged) Takashi Miike.

Zatoichi
Sonatine
Brother
Hana-bi

by OD Smith March 21, 2005

England Header Rule

A rarely exercised rule in football where it doesn't matter if a player is committing common assault on the goalkeeper (which is known in the rulebook as a "foul"), the headed goal is legitimate because an England player scored from it - because, as we all know, England deserve to win every match they'r ein because they'r ebetter than everyone. Any referee that doesn't know this is obviously a complete idiot that cannot do his job properly, and therefore deserving of death threats.

Sol Campbell vs Argentina, 1998.
Sol Campbell vs Portugal, 2004.

by OD Smith March 22, 2005

queer duck

A cartoon NOBODY has ever seen (the fact it hasn't even got five votes on the IMDb proves this), but everyone knows of it because it was on that 100 Greatest Cartoons thing - instead of Invader Zim or Ghost in the Shell.

"Has anyone seen Queer Duck?!?"

by OD Smith March 21, 2005

ES40

The least charming aspect from those charmless fuckers at New Deal.

Whenever you get an increase in your benefits, be it when you're placed on a six month course or turn 25, you will receive one of these in the mail. It states that you didn't apply for one of the shitty jobs they gave you without your consent three months ago (every time), and that if you do not explain why, you will have that hard earned £20 extra taken from you.

Basically, they hope you get so pissed off you write "Fuck you" on the slip, at which point they'll cancel your claim.

"Why did you not apply for a job that is three hours travel for you with a wage that does not cover travel expenses? We want our money back, just because we're a bunch of wankers who can't do our jobs properly, so should be in your place."

by OD Smith April 15, 2005

Brooklyn Beckham

Stupid name for a child with stupid parents. You know the kid will need counselling after the huge amount of bullying he'll receive at school - and that's before the kids remember who his parents are...

"Thank you Mummy and Daddy for not conceiving me in Scunthorpe."

by OD Smith March 31, 2005

whine/11

An example of whenever George W Bush tries to push through another totalitarian policy onto the American people, citing 9/11 or the "terrorist threat" as the sole reason.

"We must fight these terrorist killers."
The Patriot Act.

by OD Smith March 14, 2005

jimmy carr

Tosser that seems to present 72% of Channel 4's output, especially their 100 Greatest lists, but is about as funny as a case of cholera. He must have a damn good agent, though.

"I wonder who'll be presenting The 100 Greatest Nazi War Atrocities on Channel 4? Oh look, it's that wanker Jimmy Carr. Can't they afford somebody better or something?"

by OD Smith March 7, 2005