Definitions by Nicholas D
Noe Valley
A neighborhood in San Francisco bounded roughly by Dolores St. on the east, Diamond Heights Blvd./Market St. on the west, 21st St. on the north, and 30th St. on the south. Lots of shops and restaurants, but not a big nightlife spot since everyone - OK, maybe not everyone, just about 98% of people - have a couple of young kids and a dog. A very yuppie place where people from the Marina neighborhood move to settle down, usually moving on to Marin County when their kids start school. When in Noe Valley, be sure to watch out for the legions of double-wide strollers that will run you over if you're not careful. Pretty much the polar opposite of The Brook in Harrisburg, PA.
Brad: "Well, we're finally moving into our new place in SF! I can't say I love Noe Valley, but at least we're close to some good bars and stuff. I'm at least glad we're still pretty young and not like those boring old yuppies with two kids and a dog."
Jen: "I know, this is great! Here, try this organic, sustainable white truffle sheep's milk barrel aged frozen yogurt."
Brad: "Where'd you get that?"
Jen: "At the farmer's market."
Brad: "Since when do you go to those?"
Jen: "Oh, I just stopped by after my yoga class this morning."
Brad: "Yoga?"
Jen: "Yeah, I just signed up. The fro-yo is yummy, but I wish it were vegan."
Brad: "Ew, vegan, really?"
Jen: "Yeah, we should probably stop eating animal products. Or at least make sure each animal gets at least 100 square feet, eats food prepared by a well-trained chef, and has a personal masseuse."
Brad: "What? Where did this come from? Who are you?"
Jen: "I'm pregnant."
Brad: "Pfft! Seriously?"
Jen: "It's twins. A boy and a girl. I'm thinking we should name them Bentley and Addison."
Brad: "You're kidding, right? Those are names?"
Jen: "Here, check out this stroller site. This double-wide is made by a small local artisan and is only $600."
Brad: "SIX HUNDRED?"
Dog: "Woof!"
Brad: "WTF?"
Jen: "Oh, this is Mr. Woofingtons, the Welsh corgi I just adopted."
Brad: "Mr. Woofingtons?"
Jen: "So, yeah, I'm so excited to live here too! I love this neighborhood!"
Brad: "WHY, NOE VALLEY, WHY???"
Jen: "I know, this is great! Here, try this organic, sustainable white truffle sheep's milk barrel aged frozen yogurt."
Brad: "Where'd you get that?"
Jen: "At the farmer's market."
Brad: "Since when do you go to those?"
Jen: "Oh, I just stopped by after my yoga class this morning."
Brad: "Yoga?"
Jen: "Yeah, I just signed up. The fro-yo is yummy, but I wish it were vegan."
Brad: "Ew, vegan, really?"
Jen: "Yeah, we should probably stop eating animal products. Or at least make sure each animal gets at least 100 square feet, eats food prepared by a well-trained chef, and has a personal masseuse."
Brad: "What? Where did this come from? Who are you?"
Jen: "I'm pregnant."
Brad: "Pfft! Seriously?"
Jen: "It's twins. A boy and a girl. I'm thinking we should name them Bentley and Addison."
Brad: "You're kidding, right? Those are names?"
Jen: "Here, check out this stroller site. This double-wide is made by a small local artisan and is only $600."
Brad: "SIX HUNDRED?"
Dog: "Woof!"
Brad: "WTF?"
Jen: "Oh, this is Mr. Woofingtons, the Welsh corgi I just adopted."
Brad: "Mr. Woofingtons?"
Jen: "So, yeah, I'm so excited to live here too! I love this neighborhood!"
Brad: "WHY, NOE VALLEY, WHY???"
Noe Valley by Nicholas D July 28, 2012
Venezuelans
A word meaning "white people" that you use when you don't want others to know what you're talking about. Similar to 2520. Derived from white people -> crackers -> Caracas -> Venezuelans.
Juan: "All right, finally here. Hope this party is good."
Hiroshi: "Word."
(walk in)
Juan: "Shit, man. This looks pretty lame."
Hiroshi: "I know, right? Lots of Venezuelans in here."
Juan: "Sweet, I'm Venezuelan."
Hiroshi: "No, I'm talking about 2520s, you know what I'm saying?"
Juan: "Oh... Yeah, it's totally like a country club in here. Won't be long before a game of croquet or water polo breaks out. I FUCKING HATE WHITE PEOPLE!"
(music stops and everyone stares)
Hiroshi: "Damn dude, so much for subtlety. Let's blow this bitch."
Hiroshi: "Word."
(walk in)
Juan: "Shit, man. This looks pretty lame."
Hiroshi: "I know, right? Lots of Venezuelans in here."
Juan: "Sweet, I'm Venezuelan."
Hiroshi: "No, I'm talking about 2520s, you know what I'm saying?"
Juan: "Oh... Yeah, it's totally like a country club in here. Won't be long before a game of croquet or water polo breaks out. I FUCKING HATE WHITE PEOPLE!"
(music stops and everyone stares)
Hiroshi: "Damn dude, so much for subtlety. Let's blow this bitch."
Venezuelans by Nicholas D July 27, 2012
lips and lungs
"Bitch, get off the wood, you're no good
There goes the neighborhood hooker (slut!)
Go ahead and keep your drawers
Givin up the claps and who needs applause
At a time like this, pop the coochie and ya dead
The bitch is a Miami Hurricane head
Sprung, niggas call her 'lips and lungs'
Nappy dugout, get the fuck out
Cause women like you gets no respect
Bitch, you better run a check"
-Ice Cube, "Check Yo Self"
Kevin: "Man, I got the best head ever last night."
Rasheed: "Who was the ho?"
Kevin: "Some crack-smoking chickenhead from The Brook. She was hella broke down, but for a couple of rocks, she hoovered the shit out of my dick."
Rasheed: "For real? What was her name?"
Kevin: "Marqueesha. Marqueesha Johnson."
Rasheed: "The fuck? Break yo' self, fool! That's my sister!" *pulls out gun and points it at Kevin's head*
Kevin: "Sorry man, I had no idea. Just chill."
Rasheed: "Haha! Just messing with you, man." *puts gun away* "My sister gets around like a fucking record. She's been smoking pole since she could walk. Best get yo' shit checked out though. Good chance you got the clap."
Kevin: "Good one. I thought you were really gonna spark metal on my ass. Guess that explains why it itches."
There goes the neighborhood hooker (slut!)
Go ahead and keep your drawers
Givin up the claps and who needs applause
At a time like this, pop the coochie and ya dead
The bitch is a Miami Hurricane head
Sprung, niggas call her 'lips and lungs'
Nappy dugout, get the fuck out
Cause women like you gets no respect
Bitch, you better run a check"
-Ice Cube, "Check Yo Self"
Kevin: "Man, I got the best head ever last night."
Rasheed: "Who was the ho?"
Kevin: "Some crack-smoking chickenhead from The Brook. She was hella broke down, but for a couple of rocks, she hoovered the shit out of my dick."
Rasheed: "For real? What was her name?"
Kevin: "Marqueesha. Marqueesha Johnson."
Rasheed: "The fuck? Break yo' self, fool! That's my sister!" *pulls out gun and points it at Kevin's head*
Kevin: "Sorry man, I had no idea. Just chill."
Rasheed: "Haha! Just messing with you, man." *puts gun away* "My sister gets around like a fucking record. She's been smoking pole since she could walk. Best get yo' shit checked out though. Good chance you got the clap."
Kevin: "Good one. I thought you were really gonna spark metal on my ass. Guess that explains why it itches."
lips and lungs by Nicholas D June 3, 2012
break the plane
In American football, it means that the ball broke the imaginary plane extending upward from the goal line. Signifies that a touchdown occurred.
In bed, it means that the tip of the penis entered the vagina or anus to some extent. This is typically considered the point at which sexual intercourse has occurred.
In bed, it means that the tip of the penis entered the vagina or anus to some extent. This is typically considered the point at which sexual intercourse has occurred.
Sam: "Come on, baby, let me beat it up."
Christina: "No, I'm a good girl. I don't do that kind of thing with guys unless I'm in a serious relationship."
Sam: "Just the tip, just for a minute, just to see how it feels?"
Christina: "OK, sure, but no more than that...and you can't tell anyone."
Sam: "Of course."
(inserts tip)
(10 seconds later)
Sam: "Oh, oh, OH!"
Christina: "Oh no you didn't just..."
Sam: "YES! Gotta go."
(Sam hurriedly dresses and runs outside to roommates who are playing Xbox and smoking the reefer)
Sam: "Hey guys, guess what just happened!"
Rasheed: "Did you chuck it in her?"
Sam: "Hell yeah, bro! Skeet skeet! Time to put another notch in the bedpost."
(high-fives all around)
(Christina comes out)
Christina: "Um, no you didn't. That didn't even count."
Sam: "Let's take a look at the instant replay, shall we?" (pulls out tape)
Christina: "You VIDEOTAPED it? You asshole!"
(video playing)
Rasheed: "Did he break the plane? Yes he did! Touchdown! Count the chuck!"
(high-fives all around)
Sam: "So...ready for round 2?"
Christina: "Dream on. Compared to you, a one minute man sounds like a good thing. You're never going to hit it again. Oh and all the girls in town will know about your 3-inch needle dick before long. I bet you pee on your nuts. Later, chump."
Christina: "No, I'm a good girl. I don't do that kind of thing with guys unless I'm in a serious relationship."
Sam: "Just the tip, just for a minute, just to see how it feels?"
Christina: "OK, sure, but no more than that...and you can't tell anyone."
Sam: "Of course."
(inserts tip)
(10 seconds later)
Sam: "Oh, oh, OH!"
Christina: "Oh no you didn't just..."
Sam: "YES! Gotta go."
(Sam hurriedly dresses and runs outside to roommates who are playing Xbox and smoking the reefer)
Sam: "Hey guys, guess what just happened!"
Rasheed: "Did you chuck it in her?"
Sam: "Hell yeah, bro! Skeet skeet! Time to put another notch in the bedpost."
(high-fives all around)
(Christina comes out)
Christina: "Um, no you didn't. That didn't even count."
Sam: "Let's take a look at the instant replay, shall we?" (pulls out tape)
Christina: "You VIDEOTAPED it? You asshole!"
(video playing)
Rasheed: "Did he break the plane? Yes he did! Touchdown! Count the chuck!"
(high-fives all around)
Sam: "So...ready for round 2?"
Christina: "Dream on. Compared to you, a one minute man sounds like a good thing. You're never going to hit it again. Oh and all the girls in town will know about your 3-inch needle dick before long. I bet you pee on your nuts. Later, chump."
break the plane by Nicholas D February 19, 2012
flyover states
A pejorative term used by residents of either coast to refer to all US states that do not border an ocean, particularly those in the Midwest.
Person 1: "Where are you from?"
Person 2: "Chicago.
Person 1: "Where the hell is that? Is it a foreign country like Africa or something?"
Person 2: "No, it's in the US."
Person 1: "What state? Probably some lame state like East Dakota or Toronto or Mt. Rushmore."
Person 2: "Illinois actually."
Person 1: "AHAHAHAHAHA LOOOOOOSER! It must suck ass living in the flyover states! Picking corn and milking cows and going to pig shows and shit. Your life sounds terrible."
Person 2: "Yeah...where are you from?"
Person 1: "Stockton, beeotch. Eat that."
Person 2: "Where is that?"
Person 1: "Um, hello, California, duh."
Person 2: "Oh that place. I remember seeing it in a Most Depressing Cities in the US article. Must be awesome sitting in front of your foreclosed mobile home watching Teen Mom reruns on an old black and white TV, wishing you'd catch a break and get cast in the next season, all while trying not to get shot."
Person 1: "Yeah, it is awesome."
Person 2: "Chicago.
Person 1: "Where the hell is that? Is it a foreign country like Africa or something?"
Person 2: "No, it's in the US."
Person 1: "What state? Probably some lame state like East Dakota or Toronto or Mt. Rushmore."
Person 2: "Illinois actually."
Person 1: "AHAHAHAHAHA LOOOOOOSER! It must suck ass living in the flyover states! Picking corn and milking cows and going to pig shows and shit. Your life sounds terrible."
Person 2: "Yeah...where are you from?"
Person 1: "Stockton, beeotch. Eat that."
Person 2: "Where is that?"
Person 1: "Um, hello, California, duh."
Person 2: "Oh that place. I remember seeing it in a Most Depressing Cities in the US article. Must be awesome sitting in front of your foreclosed mobile home watching Teen Mom reruns on an old black and white TV, wishing you'd catch a break and get cast in the next season, all while trying not to get shot."
Person 1: "Yeah, it is awesome."
flyover states by Nicholas D February 4, 2012
jenny from the block
A term referring to someone who fronts like he/she is down with the hood but has in reality led a privileged upper- or upper-middle class existence for most of his/her life. Comes from the ridiculous song of the same name by J-Lo, who is a known prima donna and knows next to nothing about life in the ghetto.
Dave (after making shot and getting fouled): "And one."
Kevin: "What?!? Like hell I fouled you on that!"
Dave: "Who cares, man? I schooled your ass anyway. Count it."
Kevin: "Whoa. You better check yo self, dogg. You can't be calling that shit in street ball games. Somebody would bust a cap in your ass. You're lucky I didn't pack heat today."
Dave: "Ha, like you know anything about street ball."
Kevin: "I've been around, man. I used to play in a game where like half of the people were black."
Dave: "Wow. Did you really just say that?"
Bill: "Yeah, I bet you got into some really rough games growing up in that $5 million mansion in Atherton."
Kevin: "Whatever. I also played ball with our landscapers all the time as a kid and they were straight from the barrio, muchachos."
Dave: "Dude..."
Bill: "Give it a rest, Kevin. Nobody buys your bullshit. We all know you're a total jenny from the block."
Kevin: "What?!? Like hell I fouled you on that!"
Dave: "Who cares, man? I schooled your ass anyway. Count it."
Kevin: "Whoa. You better check yo self, dogg. You can't be calling that shit in street ball games. Somebody would bust a cap in your ass. You're lucky I didn't pack heat today."
Dave: "Ha, like you know anything about street ball."
Kevin: "I've been around, man. I used to play in a game where like half of the people were black."
Dave: "Wow. Did you really just say that?"
Bill: "Yeah, I bet you got into some really rough games growing up in that $5 million mansion in Atherton."
Kevin: "Whatever. I also played ball with our landscapers all the time as a kid and they were straight from the barrio, muchachos."
Dave: "Dude..."
Bill: "Give it a rest, Kevin. Nobody buys your bullshit. We all know you're a total jenny from the block."
jenny from the block by Nicholas D January 18, 2012
down with
Connor: "Hey, man."
Jake: "What's up. Whoa...nice...um...shirt."
Connor: "You like it? It says 'CRIPS' but it's red, which is the Bloods' color. It's meant to be ironic."
Jake: "Um yeah. I know this is Brooklyn and it's a mecca for hipsters like you, but there are some gangbangers around these parts and you seriously might get shot."
Connor: "No dude, it's all jiggy. If a gangster tries to run up on me, I'll just be like, 'No, dude, I'm not in a gang. It's ironic - get it?' and he'll be like 'LOL, that's a good one!' and we'll have a good laugh about it. Trust me, I'm down with the hood."
Jake: "Riiiiight. Nice knowing you."
Jake: "What's up. Whoa...nice...um...shirt."
Connor: "You like it? It says 'CRIPS' but it's red, which is the Bloods' color. It's meant to be ironic."
Jake: "Um yeah. I know this is Brooklyn and it's a mecca for hipsters like you, but there are some gangbangers around these parts and you seriously might get shot."
Connor: "No dude, it's all jiggy. If a gangster tries to run up on me, I'll just be like, 'No, dude, I'm not in a gang. It's ironic - get it?' and he'll be like 'LOL, that's a good one!' and we'll have a good laugh about it. Trust me, I'm down with the hood."
Jake: "Riiiiight. Nice knowing you."
down with by Nicholas D January 18, 2012