Monkey's Dad's definitions

Viral Darwinism

Natural selection as observed by Charles Darwin; the survival of those who can comprehend the nature of a virus.

'The "protesters" are proudly hastening their own extinction', she thought, as they chanted the name of their ignorant leader. 'Many of them will die in a fog of pure Viral Darwinism.'

by Monkey's Dad April 22, 2020

Prozacco

Prozac with bubbles. Sparkling white wine with miraculous antidepressant properties.

She turned off the news, opened a bottle of Prozacco and felt her spirits effervesce.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020

Nuclear Family

A family so potentially explosive that no one dares breathe, knowing that a single-word detonation could destroy everyone in its blast radius

They sat at the dinner table, a nuclear family, Mom, Billy and Sue careful to not make eye contact, no one making any move that could detonate their father's explosive rage. Hiroshima would look like a day in the park, in contrast to the inevitable wreckage.

by Monkey's Dad October 7, 2021

French Astronaut

Codeword for a fussy eater.

Named for Frenchman Thomas Pesquet, whose meals in the International Space Station will include lobster, beef bourguignon, cod with black rice and almond tarts with caramelized pears.

"We've got a French Astronaut at Table Seven. Prepare to have everything sent back."

by Monkey's Dad April 25, 2021

no news is the truth

An ambiguous statement, meaning variously that all news is in some measure false, that an absence of received information on a given topic is meaningful, or that there is no greater reality than nothingness; take your pick, add your own.

"Has the jury reached a verdict yet?"
"They've been deliberating for months, and no news is the truth."

by Monkey's Dad July 16, 2023

Volksvegan

The ultimate enlightened car.

Her Escalade-driving neighbors had sneered at her Prius as a 'tree-hugger'. She'd go them one better, unloading her cloth bags of tofu, kale and cbd-infused quinoa from the back of her new Volksvegan.

by Monkey's Dad June 20, 2020

duover

After a separation, another chance at being a couple.

After so many years as a couple, being alone again was painful for each of them. The endless blind dates and occasional hookups made them feel more alone, rather than less, and left them missing the other. They both wondered what would happen if they tried again, to join forces, to be a pair, to give themselves a duover.

by Monkey's Dad March 8, 2020