Monkey's Dad's definitions

party of one

The hot New York dinner reservation, during the coronaviral epidemic.

"Jack, party of one, your table is ready," Jack said quietly, as he sat down in his kitchen, prepared to enjoy his own company, and his justly famous mac'n'cheese.

by Monkey's Dad April 10, 2020

hand insanitizer

The suggestion that you need to wash your hands, and wash them again, specifically with a product that no longer exists, until you become insane with anxiety.

She had scrubbed and scoured her fingers and palms until they were raw, her bottles had all been emptied, and she was on the edge of crazy, needing to find more hand insanitizer.

by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020

friend or faux?

Uncertainty about the genuineness of someone's affections.

She is always inviting me to lunch, texting, bringing small gifts, but there is something in her eyes which makes me wonder - is she friend or faux?

by Monkey's Dad October 6, 2020

Pharmageddon

Massive loss and suffering, resulting from potential failure to develop a vaccine against Covid-19.

As the hopes of the world were focused on Big Pharma, the dates kept getting pushed back - probably October, maybe by the end of the year, sometime in 2022, well, the virus keeps mutating, so... - the number of infections and deaths mounted, and it came to be seen as Pharmageddon.

by Monkey's Dad July 6, 2020

99-43-28-14

The number of days it took the United States to add one million cases of Covid-19 to its total. 99 for the first million, 43 for the second, 28 for the third, 14 days for the fourth million, the fruits of heedlessly 're-opening'.

He stared at the numbers. 99-43-28-14. Not a football play. Not the combination to a safe. It was the exponential, viral spread of the disease. He understood that they could reasonably expect the next million cases to accrue in a week.

by Monkey's Dad July 22, 2020

one foot on the boat, one on the dock

The delusion of stability, an instant before everything goes to hell.

The deal was set, he'd committed to buy, still not sure when his financing would be approved, but hey, if you have one foot on the boat, one on the dock, what can go wrong?

by Monkey's Dad April 24, 2023

Social-distance Drinker

Someone who only drinks alone.

For years he had only drunk in company, politely, and certainly had never taken a drink by himself, one of the warning signs of alcoholism, or so he had read. Now though... now it was different. Alone all day and night in his apartment, evening couldn't come fast enough as he looked forward to his first glass of wine, and his fourth, a social-distance drinker for the new era.

by Monkey's Dad April 3, 2020