Monkey's Dad's definitions

Guitnarcolepsy

Falling asleep whilst playing the guitar, a nocturne in the key of Z.

Happens every time. He starts to practice and is soon having a rest, a clear case of guitnarcolepsy.

by Monkey's Dad January 19, 2023

Undustrialized Nation

A country in which manufacturing and the provision of goods and services has come to a halt.

For the moment, America, like many other countries, was an undustrialized nation, most of its commerce shut down in the face of the coronavirus pandemic.

by Monkey's Dad April 4, 2020

#tags? #what tags?

The tags which mysteriously no longer appear under definitions and usage, on Urban Dictionary entries.

He looked at his hundreds of long-standing definitions. "Where are my tags?" he asked. #tags? #what tags? he answered himself. "There were never any tags on Urban Dictionary. You must have been dreaming."

by Monkey's Dad August 2, 2020

26/11 and 9/2

The ratio of Republicans to Democrats in each house who have tested positive for coronavirus as of 12/17/2020.

26 Republicans vs 11 Democratic House members, 9 Republican vs 2 Democratic Senators have tested positive for coronavirus. Who can guess which party denied the danger of the virus, denied the reality of the pandemic, denied the importance of masks and social distancing? ... 26/11 and 9/2 ... Anyone?

by Monkey's Dad December 18, 2020

Don't Ask

A thought which often escapes idiots staring at a stranger struggling to walk. "What happened to you?" they say, before launching into the saga of their torn knee ligament, oblivious to the possibility that their prey has been disabled for decades and doesn't wish to answer appallingly inappropriate questions, nor needs your brilliant advice.

Don't ask, she thought. Don't fucking ask.

by Monkey's Dad April 16, 2023

hypoinsomnichondriac

A person who lies awake worrying about all the maladies, disorders and syndromes they may have, present and future.

The messages flooded in at bedtime, from her brother, her cousin - who was a doctor, mind you - studies and statistics forwarded by so many well-intentioned friends, warning of sicknesses which awaited her, if she didn't already have symptoms, which she suddenly realized she probably did have, recommendations for pills, and more pills, changes in diet, which, omg, she vowed to try, promising another sleepless night as a hypoinsomnichondriac.

by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020

who appointed you?

Asked of anyone who steps up to fill a leadership vacuum, by those who are just standing around complaining and looking lost.

Often followed by the word "God", in a variety of ways.

"Who appointed you? God?"

"Who appointed you God?"

"Who appointed you?"

"God, actually. Get over it."

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020