Monkey's Dad's definitions

hand-to-hand wombat

When two women attempt to claw the other's eyes out, settling instead for the slapping of faces and pulling of hair, usually over a perceived insult or stolen man; typically confined to any TV show designed to condescend to women and thus reap huge ratings.

The words "bitch" and "whore" were screamed, soon followed by the inevitable hand-to-hand wombat.

by Monkey's Dad April 9, 2021

Anti-Mask League

An organization of Americans opposed to wearing masks during the 1918 Flu Pandemic, which killed 50 million people.

"The 'Anti-Mask League' protest in San Francisco was an orderly protest compared to people fighting in Walmarts today," said Dr. Howard Markel, a medical historian and a physician who leads the Center for the History of Medicine at the University of Michigan. "Today, the anti-mask sentiment has a virulence and violence of its own that we didn't see back then."

by Monkey's Dad August 16, 2020

comforting fiction

An untruth we tell ourselves, or tell others, to keep from having to face facts, and to ease us through hard times.

Just wash your hands and you'll be fine, warm weather will make it disappear, only old people can die from it... one comforting fiction after another could not disguise the truth that we were all in for a long, painful journey.

by Monkey's Dad April 15, 2020

been there, done naught

A self-aware admission that your life's journey has been hollow.

He pretended to anyone who would still listen that he had experienced and accomplished nearly everything, but in the silence and darkness, he looked back on the days and years and knew that he had been there, done naught.

by Monkey's Dad June 24, 2020

pompossified

A state in which a person is so pompous they become irreversibly rigid.

Stepping out of her limo with her nose in the air and her mink wrapped tightly around her shoulders, she looked thoroughly pompossified.

by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020

Sortaday and Someday

The days of the weekend during Covid, when time is disordered.

Sorry, not totally sure but I think I'm busy Sortaday and Someday, taking the kids shopping for 'school clothes'. ... The mall?? You're kidding, right? eBay.

by Monkey's Dad August 26, 2020

Like-ectomy

A surgical procedure to excise the insidiously invasive word "like" from an otherwise articulate person's vocabulary.

If she said, "I'm like", "he was like", or, "like, you know, like, kinda, like, pizza but without, like, any, like, crust" he would take her in for a like-ectomy, whether she... uh... liked it, or, like, you know, like, not.

by Monkey's Dad May 29, 2023