Monkey's Dad's definitions
America's answer to France's Eiffel Tower, our national phallus. Unlike the Eiffel, this monument to cultural pride is fluid in its location, arising in Newtown, El Paso, Parkland, Orlando, Las Vegas and who-knows-where next, making it easy for foreign tourists to get a taste of our country's zest for a liberty that shall not be infringed.
Jacques, he send me une Carte Postale from Etats Unis, photo only of guy in a cap rouge, Making America Great, holding straight up, his erection shape like AR-15, The Rifle Tower. From cold dead fingers we will take it? Non merci. Mon Dieu.
by Monkey's Dad September 9, 2019
Get the The Rifle Towermug. Dictating while driving and doing her nails, her text said that she was happy with her new high bridge Toyota Penis. Could she give him a shocking lisp? If he would pick up a few ripe tornadoes and parrots she could cook his favorite vaginal soup.
He didn't even try to translate. Once again she had crossed the border into the Spell-Czech Republic.
He didn't even try to translate. Once again she had crossed the border into the Spell-Czech Republic.
by Monkey's Dad December 10, 2020
Get the Spell-Czech Republicmug. He figured their server - "My name is Jason and I'll be taking care of you this evening" - having spilled water all over the table, and their laps, having left chunks of cork in their wine, having believed that 'medium-well' and 'medium rare' were indistinguishable and trying to persuade them of same, and having asked, "You two really a couple? ... Hot chick like this actually went out with you???" before turning to her and asking what she was doing next weekend, and lastly, sneezing on their desserts... deserved an appropriate tip, he calculated Jason's gratchooity, rounding it down to the closest dime.
by Monkey's Dad December 1, 2022
Get the gratchooitymug. By late August, as America geared up for voting-by-mail in the November presidential election, countless mail sorting machines had been not only removed from Post Offices across the country, they had been destroyed.
by Monkey's Dad August 19, 2020
Get the mail sorting machinesmug. The precise one-year interval between mass shootings in America, beginning with the onset of the Covid pandemic.
Between 3/16/20 and 3/16/21, mass shootings in America stopped. It was the Covid cease-fire year, and who can answer why they resumed with such force.
by Monkey's Dad April 16, 2021
Get the Covid Cease-Fire Yearmug. A self-consciously hyper-feminized young woman
"The Girlie Bird catches the worm" muttered Tiff to herself, as she put the final touches on her makeup, earrings, hair, stilettos, cleavage and hemline, before heading to the bar.
by Monkey's Dad November 30, 2019
Get the Girlie Birdmug. A society's fear of itself.
'Love Thy Neighbor' seemed an outdated notion, a souvenir of a vanished world, everyone now sheltering indoors, regarding their neighbors as a threat, overtaken by suisociophobia.
by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020
Get the suisociophobiamug.