Monkey's Dad's definitions

Narcissistic personality order

Because the narcissist has no disorder.

"As you insisted, I went to the therapist. She told me I have narcissistic personality order, which she said very few individuals have. I described our relationship and she wants to see you three times a week."

by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020

carnivirus

Virus afflicting carnivores, slaughterhouse workers and meat processors, potentially transmitted to humans by animals.

He knew they were getting sick and dying in disproportionate numbers, but he would think about the carnivirus after he finished his bucket of spicy wings.

by Monkey's Dad May 20, 2020

dawth

'died and went to heaven', an acronym for the state of happiness beyond words.

Looking at her across the table, staring into her phone as she'd done all through dinner, the joy he felt in being with her on their first date was inexpressible. He texted 'dawth' to her, heard the thrilling 'ping' and thought she might look up and meet his eyes, but... whatever.

by Monkey's Dad July 26, 2022

coronawalrus

A thick-skinned survivor who, having seen it all, feels immune.

He had been a war orphan, a soldier, a refugee, a patient given no chance of survival, a coronawalrus without fear, volunteering to help others.

by Monkey's Dad March 24, 2020

pundemic

A highly infectious contagion in which unfortunate word games spread from one victim to another until the entire nearby population is groaning in pain.

Jack suddenly shouted, "Can February March? No, but April May", laughing uproarious at his own stellar wit. Stan replied, "Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy" smirking at his one-upsmanship, neither hearing the quiet groaning coming from each side of the table - a tragic symptom of the viral pundemic. It was irreversible. Sue chimed in, "Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak."

by Monkey's Dad June 8, 2021

9 minutes of silence

Observed by many, across America, to honor the life of George Floyd, murdered by asphyxiation.

In the sunlight of a spring afternoon, they stood together, side by side, and held a vigil - 9 minutes of silence - the time that George Floyd was pinned to the street and asphyxiated by the kneeling weight of a Minneapolis cop.

by Monkey's Dad June 2, 2020

2020WTF

A vanity license plate, issued in Maine.

She stared numbly through the rain coursing down her windshield, wondering if she were dreaming. There it really was, on the car in front of her, the truth of her life this year, the truth of everyone's life. 2020WTF.

by Monkey's Dad December 7, 2020