When a male attempts to urinate standing up while his penis is erect. In most cases he must squat, bend, etc. in efforts to get his penis as close as possible to the bowl without actually touching it leaving him in a peculiar and uncomfortable position. This normally occurs in conjunction with morning wood, or immediately after ejaculating.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants May 26, 2017
The "judgement call" a man must make in the moments preceding impending orgasm whilst having unprotected sex, regarding the placement of his ejaculatory load. Despite the agreement, discussion, etc. that he and his partner may have had before and during sex, the man has the ultimate power whether to pull out or not, and where to ejaculate should he indeed pull out. Scrupulous and complex calculations are performed by the man during these nanoseconds. These calculations weigh factors such as chance of child conception, partner reaction and, ultimately, satisfaction.
Mike 1: Dude I had to make a hard cumdgement call whether to pull out or not. By my calculations, the best move was to splooge on her face.
Mike 2: Was she on birth control?
Mike 1: Yea but who cares?
Mike 2: Was she on birth control?
Mike 1: Yea but who cares?
by Mike and Mike the Accountants March 17, 2017
When one skips the first few minutes of a pornographic video (in most cases, free and online) that set up the plot of the porn. These few minutes are often filled by poor acting and frequently face plot issues such as hesitancy toward incest, sexual ultimatums, school girls offering sexual favors to their teachers, etc. Some pornographic sites have recently begun to do everyone a favor and provide bookmarks in their videos so that one may "fap forward" precisely to the sexual content.
Mike 1: Yo I was hesitant to click on this 50 minute porno on Brazzers last night but it was totally worth it!
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 28, 2017
The stupid shit people say whilst in the act of intercourse, presumably to arouse their partners. Examples include "Your dick is so hard/big", "you're so wet", "you feel so good inside of me", "you're gonna make me cum so hard", etc. This occurs exponentially more frequently in adult films-likely for the viewing pleasure of the audience.
Mike 1: Yo I slayed this slam piece over the weekend
Mike 2: How was it?
Mike 2: Pretty awesome, but her bang blabber was fucking annoying
Mike 2: How was it?
Mike 2: Pretty awesome, but her bang blabber was fucking annoying
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 10, 2017
The thoughts a male has during intercourse to delay his impending ejaculation. Examples include sports, work, movies and his grandmother's loose, grungy, mothball ridden cunt.
Mike 2: Dude I came in like .08 seconds last night, my wife was pissed.
Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!
Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 29, 2017
Common among older men, this refers to a condition in which one's urination stream is halted briefly every few seconds, then quickly returns to normal pressure. This cycle can occur several times during urination, depending on the volume of liquid being released. Contracting a busted stick shift can be caused by several medical conditions, but is most prevalent as a result of enlarged prostate gland complications. The term is derived from the ebb in motion caused when shifting gears using a manual transmission car. The change in acceleration revolving around this phenomenon is often embellished by poor driving and or broken (i.e. busted) stick shift. For the sake of this definition, the "stick" refers to the man's penis.
Mike 1: Dude that director that was pissing next to me had a totally busted stick shift.
Mike 2: O yea? He should consider masturbating more, I hear it clears prostate complications
Mike 2: O yea? He should consider masturbating more, I hear it clears prostate complications
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 07, 2017
The act of a male inserting his penis into a women's vagina after pulling it out of her anus. Presumably there is fecal matter on the man's penis, which ultimately makes its way to the woman's vagina.
Mike 1: Some bitch wanted me to pound her ass last night.
Mike 2: How'd it go?
Mike 1: Pretty nasty in fact, she tapped out after like 3 seconds but I made sure I got my nut by giving her the old muddy snapper. I then doused my cock in Clorox.
Mike 2: How'd it go?
Mike 1: Pretty nasty in fact, she tapped out after like 3 seconds but I made sure I got my nut by giving her the old muddy snapper. I then doused my cock in Clorox.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 15, 2017