Mike and Mike the Accountants 's definitions

cruise cumtrol

During the act of male masturbation, cruise cumtrol is the task of maintaining one's erection either whilst browsing pornographic videos, while the video is loading/buffering, while the video is streaming mundane content (see "fap forward"), during the awkward scrotum vag exclusive shots, etc. If performed correctly, cruise cumtrol requires minimal lubrication due to the speed of the stroke, and increases the intensity of one's orgasm. The inconvenient truth of the matter is that the cruise cumtrol stage of masturbation often lasts the majority duration of the masturbatory session but significantly enhances the size of the male's warm gooey bukake mess.

Mike 1: Dude I had like a 40 min fap sesh last night

Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!

Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...

by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 7, 2017

stiff piss

When a male attempts to urinate standing up while his penis is erect. In most cases he must squat, bend, etc. in efforts to get his penis as close as possible to the bowl without actually touching it leaving him in a peculiar and uncomfortable position. This normally occurs in conjunction with morning wood, or immediately after ejaculating.

Mike 1: I'll brb dude, I gotta take a stiff piss.
Mike 2: Why the fuck is your dick hard?

by Mike and Mike the Accountants May 26, 2017

bang blabber

The stupid shit people say whilst in the act of intercourse, presumably to arouse their partners. Examples include "Your dick is so hard/big", "you're so wet", "you feel so good inside of me", "you're gonna make me cum so hard", etc. This occurs exponentially more frequently in adult films-likely for the viewing pleasure of the audience.

Mike 1: Yo I slayed this slam piece over the weekend
Mike 2: How was it?
Mike 2: Pretty awesome, but her bang blabber was fucking annoying

by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 10, 2017

muddy snapper

The act of a male inserting his penis into a women's vagina after pulling it out of her anus. Presumably there is fecal matter on the man's penis, which ultimately makes its way to the woman's vagina.

Mike 1: Some bitch wanted me to pound her ass last night.
Mike 2: How'd it go?
Mike 1: Pretty nasty in fact, she tapped out after like 3 seconds but I made sure I got my nut by giving her the old muddy snapper. I then doused my cock in Clorox.

by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 15, 2017

thinking outside the box

The thoughts a male has during intercourse to delay his impending ejaculation. Examples include sports, work, movies and his grandmother's loose, grungy, mothball ridden cunt.

Mike 2: Dude I came in like .08 seconds last night, my wife was pissed.

Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 29, 2017

cuntorsion

This act normally occurs during heterosexual intercourse performed in the "reverse cowgirl" position, but can occur in the midst of other positions. While the man's penis is inside the woman and she moves too far one way (typically towards the man's feet), causing an outstretched, uncomfortable sensation for the man.

Mike 2: Me Julie was riding me reverse cowgirl last night and gave my dick a serious case of cuntorsion the way she was movin.

Mike 1: Weird, that never seems to happen to me...

by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 14, 2017

easter egg cunt

When a man attends Easter Sunday mass, (most often against his will by force of family, significant other etc.) he will quickly become incredibly disinterested and will look elsewhere to pass the time. It is at this moment that he realizes all the female parishioners dressing in their " Easter Sunday best" (i.e. dressing as promiscuously as possible despite the irony of attending church). It is important to note that this is one of the first times all year where the temperature permits the wearing of scantily clad clothing. After this phenomenon has been noted by the male, he will then begin to seek out the best looking women among the parish whom are dressed slutty as fuck, and begin to daydream about fucking the shit out of them. It is by this, and only this process, that the man is able to maintain his sanity during the mass. In some cases, the male might even take mental images for his spank bank.

Mike 1: Easter's coming up man, my lady's gonna make me go to church. Shit.

Mike 2: At least you have the easter egg cunt to look forward to!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 14, 2017