Loopydave's definitions

Brown Goliath

A massive dump. A shit of biblical proportions

Rupert had to ask his wife Mary to inspect his anal sphincter for damage after heaving out a Brown Goliath that morning

by Loopydave October 24, 2019

chutney lobster

When messy anal beads are pulled out and have two massive lumps of feces on the end resembling a dripping chutney smothered lobster

Rupert was quite appalled at turning Mary on with anal beads when he pulled out a chutney lobster

by Loopydave October 18, 2018

polish the lighthouse

The act of masturbating whilst in the bath, ideally with the waterline sitting right at the base of your cock.

Whist Mary was away at bingo Rupert took the opportunity to bathe and polish the lighthouse

by Loopydave August 18, 2018

googling rehabs session

A drink and/or drugs session so severe it the following afternoon you are shivering looking up local rehabs on google

Rupert realized things were getting quite out of hand after another googling rehabs session...

by Loopydave January 25, 2017

clown's pastie

An absolute disgusting crispy semen coverered bulbous labia example of a slags pastie aka a drunkards late night meal. Most likely diseased, and wears fake prada and orange makeup.

Rupert phoned the clinic with much hesitation about his blistered knob and his wife's clown's pastie

by Loopydave December 17, 2018

dribbling clam

A sopping wet vagina, as wet as an otters pocket due to arousal. Not to be confused with venereal discharge.

After seeing Mary's dribbling clam, Rupert realised no extra lubrication was required.

by Loopydave January 17, 2011

gypsies eyelash

I detached pubic hair caught between the glans and the foreskin, resembling the crooked eyelash of a gypsy

No Rupert, I'm not putting that into my mouth unless you have a through Gentleman's Wash and remove the three Gypsies Eyelash sobbed Mary

by Loopydave November 23, 2016