Loopydave's definitions

plum slap

The act of gyrating your body whilst kneeling over your partners face and slapping them in face with freshly shaved testicles

Mary lay there pretending to be happy but inside disgusted and humiliated as Rupert repeatedly gave her a plum slap

by Loopydave February 3, 2019

clown's pastie

An absolute disgusting crispy semen coverered bulbous labia example of a slags pastie aka a drunkards late night meal. Most likely diseased, and wears fake prada and orange makeup.

Rupert phoned the clinic with much hesitation about his blistered knob and his wife's clown's pastie

by Loopydave December 17, 2018

trumpeter's lips

When the anal sphincter is puckered and slightly open due to a state of extreme fear, resembling a trumpeter's lips

It was a bleak winter's day on the somme, rifle in hand and with the trumpeter's lips Rupert knew he would be going over the top today and meet his demise on foreign soil

by Loopydave December 1, 2018

chutney lobster

When messy anal beads are pulled out and have two massive lumps of feces on the end resembling a dripping chutney smothered lobster

Rupert was quite appalled at turning Mary on with anal beads when he pulled out a chutney lobster

by Loopydave October 18, 2018

gentleman fat

The sperm of the wealthy, elite high class men in society. Stud fees for the sperm are incredibly high due to the lower classes hoping that some quality genetics might alter the course of a mongoloid family for a one off fee. Also seen on the faces of high class prostitutes.

Rupert had finally realized his most deviant sexual fantasy had finally come true when he looked in the face of Mary with her gentleman fat beard

by Loopydave September 5, 2018

beer child

The bloadted round belly heavy beer drinkers get resembling a pregnancy , usually after about four pints into a session. Particularly a problem for alcoholic male to female transsexuals who want to pass as female without looking like they are with child.

Mary: "That lady looks heavily pregnant"
Rupert: "No, it's a tranny with a beer child"

by Loopydave September 1, 2018

polish the lighthouse

The act of masturbating whilst in the bath, ideally with the waterline sitting right at the base of your cock.

Whist Mary was away at bingo Rupert took the opportunity to bathe and polish the lighthouse

by Loopydave August 18, 2018