beer child

The bloadted round belly heavy beer drinkers get resembling a pregnancy , usually after about four pints into a session. Particularly a problem for alcoholic male to female transsexuals who want to pass as female without looking like they are with child.
Mary: "That lady looks heavily pregnant"
Rupert: "No, it's a tranny with a beer child"
by Loopydave September 01, 2018
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rolled up phone book

An arse splittingly wide shit, usually the result of stuffing yourself the day before with kebab, steak, fine cheeses, etc... and dehydration caused by excess alcohol.
Rupert howled, when the morning after the pickles and cheese party he had to pass a rolled up phone book
by Loopydave May 12, 2020
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chopped up gorilla

The pubic region of a dark haired lady, who never maintains her ladygarden, when on her period.
Rupert was aghast when he was Mary's snatch for the first time during rag week, her lack of maintenance of her pubic mound resulted in what looked like a chopped up gorilla
by Loopydave April 11, 2024
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Brown Goliath

Rupert had to ask his wife Mary to inspect his anal sphincter for damage after heaving out a Brown Goliath that morning
by Loopydave October 25, 2019
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polish the lighthouse

The act of masturbating whilst in the bath, ideally with the waterline sitting right at the base of your cock.
Whist Mary was away at bingo Rupert took the opportunity to bathe and polish the lighthouse
by Loopydave August 18, 2018
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paul daniels weed

Extremely strong dense nuggets of cannabis. So called because when you put a tiny nugget in a grinder and grind then open it you are shocked by the amount of ground cannabis in there and shout out "Magic!", the catchphrase of the late and annoying twat of a magician Paul Daniels
Rupert realized he had bought paul daniels weed when after a single blunt he could barely move and feasted on Rice Crispies
by Loopydave February 21, 2019
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nodding dog

A woman, usually drunk and ugly, performing oral sex in the back seat of a car. In reference to the bobble head 'nodding' characters British people would put in the rear window of there car, often a Churchill Dog.
Office manager Rupert received the full nodding dog treatment from the drunk PA Mary in the taxi on the way home from the office party.
by Loopydave March 15, 2019
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