Loopydave's definitions

polish the lighthouse

The act of masturbating whilst in the bath, ideally with the waterline sitting right at the base of your cock.

Whist Mary was away at bingo Rupert took the opportunity to bathe and polish the lighthouse

by Loopydave August 18, 2018

plum slap

The act of gyrating your body whilst kneeling over your partners face and slapping them in face with freshly shaved testicles

Mary lay there pretending to be happy but inside disgusted and humiliated as Rupert repeatedly gave her a plum slap

by Loopydave February 3, 2019

beer child

The bloadted round belly heavy beer drinkers get resembling a pregnancy , usually after about four pints into a session. Particularly a problem for alcoholic male to female transsexuals who want to pass as female without looking like they are with child.

Mary: "That lady looks heavily pregnant"
Rupert: "No, it's a tranny with a beer child"

by Loopydave September 1, 2018

gentleman fat

The sperm of the wealthy, elite high class men in society. Stud fees for the sperm are incredibly high due to the lower classes hoping that some quality genetics might alter the course of a mongoloid family for a one off fee. Also seen on the faces of high class prostitutes.

Rupert had finally realized his most deviant sexual fantasy had finally come true when he looked in the face of Mary with her gentleman fat beard

by Loopydave September 5, 2018

dealt a beadle

Dealt a bad hand in life. Unlucky. Originating from the famous late British television comedian Jeremy Beadle who was born with a small, deformed hand.

Jeez mate, this just aint right. I got ADHD, bipolar and a personality disorder. I've been dealt a beadle.

by Loopydave June 1, 2018

rhyl spice

Ultra strong synthetic cannabis blends or powders openly sold on the streets of the North Wales drugs haven known as Rhyl (where addicts come to die). Leaves users sitting in their own shit and rocking

Rupert realized he had overdone it on Rhyl Spice when he looked at the clock and was unable to tell the time his head was so fucked

by Loopydave April 6, 2019

snail's doorstep

I filthy, over used, unwashed vagina, resembling the doorstep of a snail.

Rupert realized the prostitute had not used feminine wipes before his visit after seeing her snail's doorstep

by Loopydave February 20, 2017