Jumpingrat's definitions

fuck a dead duck

An expression one uses when caught totaly by surprise. Or when something improbable happens.

Boss: "The customer just called me and said that their order was right on the count, good job."
Packer: "Well I'll fuck a dead duck!"

by Jumpingrat January 28, 2007

3rd degree blowout

The highest possible level of an uncontained explosive bowel movement, Unlike a 1st or 2nd degree episode, the 3rd degree will always make its mark down your pant leg, on your chair or in the shower. Nothing can be done but to clean up the inevitable mess.

Jim: That was some fine chili we had at dinner.
Bob: Yes it was, but it set a bit funny with me.
Jim: Set a bit funny? How so?
Bob: Well... (running to bathroom yet loosing bowel control 10 feet from his salvation).
Jim: Oh sweet Jesus in Heaven! Mary get your mom's adult diapers Bob's had a full 3rd degree blowout!

by Jumpingrat January 31, 2007

baby's arm clutching a plum

A very large penis. About equivilent in size to a baby's arm, the the head being the size and general color of a plum.

Mary: Did you see the size of that thing?
Jane: Oh my...It was...
Mary: As big as a baby's arm clutching a plum.
Jane: Yes, Yes it was.

by Jumpingrat November 10, 2008

beef curtains

Large labial lips. May hang down like two flesh curtains, hence the "beef" part. Usually pretty dryed up and very nasty.

At the beach there was no hiding Mary's beef curtains, as they hung out the sides

by Jumpingrat December 9, 2008

who pissed in your coffee

When someone is in a particularly foul mood first thing in the morning. Many people will have a cup of coffee before anything else is taken care of. Therefore their coffee must have been pissed in to start their day off so badly.

Joe: "Hi Jack! Wonderful day isn't it?"
Jack: "Ah fuck yourself you fucking fuck!"
Joe: "Well who pissed in your coffee this morning asshole!"

by Jumpingrat March 29, 2007

Doppelbänger

A simple solution to a complex dating dilemma: Joe asks Cindy out on a date. Cindy agrees on the condition that Joe will find a date for her mentally retarded cousin Patti. Joe hasn't gotten pussy in 972 days, so he lies to his good friend Bob and says that Patti is a super hot nympho with no gag reflex. Bob is elated until the date, at which time he discovers that Patti is not as advertised. Bob has standards and will not lay pipe in Patti's retarded twat, but he is a good friend and knows that Joe has not seen pussy for 972 days so he does what any good friend would do... Bob calls in his doppelbänger - who takes one for the team - allowing his good friend Joe to FINALLY see a patch of snatch, Cindy is overjoyed that her horny, helmeted cousin finally got some trouser snake, and everyone goes home happy!

Tommy: I heard you banged out Yeasty Yolanda at the party last night!
Bob: Ohhh HELL NO! I had to call in my doppelbänger to do the dirty deed.

by Jumpingrat October 29, 2019