Jumpingrat's definitions

who pissed in your coffee

When someone is in a particularly foul mood first thing in the morning. Many people will have a cup of coffee before anything else is taken care of. Therefore their coffee must have been pissed in to start their day off so badly.

Joe: "Hi Jack! Wonderful day isn't it?"
Jack: "Ah fuck yourself you fucking fuck!"
Joe: "Well who pissed in your coffee this morning asshole!"

by Jumpingrat March 29, 2007

Blowout

An uncontrolled, poorly contained and always catastrophic bowel movement. Usually the chuncky runs. So bad that even heavy pants can't hide the mess. Food poisoning or a very disagreeable meal are two main culprits for a blowout.

In line at the McDonalds:
Joe: "Oh Jesus, Oh..."
Mike: "What? What's wrong?"
Joe: "That toddler in front of us."
Mike: "Toddler? Oh my, fuck .. Oh the smell."
Joe: "Hey lady! Your little crotch dropping seems to have had a blowout."

by Jumpingrat September 14, 2008

I don't give half a fuck

To care so little about something that one half of the standard fuck will suffice. Used when you want to make clear that you truely could care less.

Mary: "Do you want to go have sushi or steak?"
Joe: "Whatever, I don't care".
Mary: "Or should we go to Benihana?"
Joe: "I don't give half a fuck! Let's just eat!"

by Jumpingrat September 2, 2008

A clear bag of smashed assholes

Very bad, Very foul. Something that one would generally not wish to see. What's worse than A bag of smashed assholes? A clear bag of them. To increase the level of effect a weight is sometimes given, such as 5 Lb. bag or 10 Lb. bag.

Usually used to describe how one feels. Particularly after a night of drunken debauchery.

"Did you guys see Joe come into work this morning? He looked like a clear bag of smashed assholes".

by Jumpingrat September 4, 2008

3rd degree blowout

The highest possible level of an uncontained explosive bowel movement, Unlike a 1st or 2nd degree episode, the 3rd degree will always make its mark down your pant leg, on your chair or in the shower. Nothing can be done but to clean up the inevitable mess.

Jim: That was some fine chili we had at dinner.
Bob: Yes it was, but it set a bit funny with me.
Jim: Set a bit funny? How so?
Bob: Well... (running to bathroom yet loosing bowel control 10 feet from his salvation).
Jim: Oh sweet Jesus in Heaven! Mary get your mom's adult diapers Bob's had a full 3rd degree blowout!

by Jumpingrat January 31, 2007

fuck a dead duck

An expression one uses when caught totaly by surprise. Or when something improbable happens.

Boss: "The customer just called me and said that their order was right on the count, good job."
Packer: "Well I'll fuck a dead duck!"

by Jumpingrat January 28, 2007