Jumpingrat's definitions

A clear bag of smashed assholes

Very bad, Very foul. Something that one would generally not wish to see. What's worse than A bag of smashed assholes? A clear bag of them. To increase the level of effect a weight is sometimes given, such as 5 Lb. bag or 10 Lb. bag.

Usually used to describe how one feels. Particularly after a night of drunken debauchery.

"Did you guys see Joe come into work this morning? He looked like a clear bag of smashed assholes".

by Jumpingrat September 5, 2008

beef curtains

Large labial lips. May hang down like two flesh curtains, hence the "beef" part. Usually pretty dryed up and very nasty.

At the beach there was no hiding Mary's beef curtains, as they hung out the sides

by Jumpingrat December 9, 2008

who pissed in your coffee

When someone is in a particularly foul mood first thing in the morning. Many people will have a cup of coffee before anything else is taken care of. Therefore their coffee must have been pissed in to start their day off so badly.

Joe: "Hi Jack! Wonderful day isn't it?"
Jack: "Ah fuck yourself you fucking fuck!"
Joe: "Well who pissed in your coffee this morning asshole!"

by Jumpingrat March 29, 2007

Doppelbänger

A simple solution to a complex dating dilemma: Joe asks Cindy out on a date. Cindy agrees on the condition that Joe will find a date for her mentally retarded cousin Patti. Joe hasn't gotten pussy in 972 days, so he lies to his good friend Bob and says that Patti is a super hot nympho with no gag reflex. Bob is elated until the date, at which time he discovers that Patti is not as advertised. Bob has standards and will not lay pipe in Patti's retarded twat, but he is a good friend and knows that Joe has not seen pussy for 972 days so he does what any good friend would do... Bob calls in his doppelbänger - who takes one for the team - allowing his good friend Joe to FINALLY see a patch of snatch, Cindy is overjoyed that her horny, helmeted cousin finally got some trouser snake, and everyone goes home happy!

Tommy: I heard you banged out Yeasty Yolanda at the party last night!
Bob: Ohhh HELL NO! I had to call in my doppelbänger to do the dirty deed.

by Jumpingrat October 29, 2019

A boil on the ass of society

Someone who is literally a pain in the ass. Not only to one or several people but to society as a whole.

"Stop with your complaining, you are quickly becoming a boil on the ass of society".

by Jumpingrat September 3, 2008

Jesus nut

Anything that holds together a critical assembly, such as a main roter on a helicopter. If the nut, bolt ect. in question fails then the equipment will catastrophically fail and everyone in/around it will be on their way to see Jesus.

"Tighten that damn Jesus nut down good cause I ain't in the mood to see him today".

by Jumpingrat September 4, 2008

baby's arm clutching a plum

A very large penis. About equivilent in size to a baby's arm, the the head being the size and general color of a plum.

Mary: Did you see the size of that thing?
Jane: Oh my...It was...
Mary: As big as a baby's arm clutching a plum.
Jane: Yes, Yes it was.

by Jumpingrat November 10, 2008