Jumpingrat's definitions

beef curtains

Large labial lips. May hang down like two flesh curtains, hence the "beef" part. Usually pretty dryed up and very nasty.

At the beach there was no hiding Mary's beef curtains, as they hung out the sides

by Jumpingrat December 9, 2008

baby's arm clutching a plum

A very large penis. About equivilent in size to a baby's arm, the the head being the size and general color of a plum.

Mary: Did you see the size of that thing?
Jane: Oh my...It was...
Mary: As big as a baby's arm clutching a plum.
Jane: Yes, Yes it was.

by Jumpingrat November 10, 2008

Dry inches

When a big dick meets a not so big vagina. It's not how much got in but how much was left dry in the wind, never getting wet.

Joe: How did it go last night with the skank you met?
Jim: Well it went ok I guess. I still had about 4 dry inches to go when she said it hurt.
Joe: Man 4 dry? that sucks dude.

by Jumpingrat November 1, 2010

Doppelbänger

A simple solution to a complex dating dilemma: Joe asks Cindy out on a date. Cindy agrees on the condition that Joe will find a date for her mentally retarded cousin Patti. Joe hasn't gotten pussy in 972 days, so he lies to his good friend Bob and says that Patti is a super hot nympho with no gag reflex. Bob is elated until the date, at which time he discovers that Patti is not as advertised. Bob has standards and will not lay pipe in Patti's retarded twat, but he is a good friend and knows that Joe has not seen pussy for 972 days so he does what any good friend would do... Bob calls in his doppelbänger - who takes one for the team - allowing his good friend Joe to FINALLY see a patch of snatch, Cindy is overjoyed that her horny, helmeted cousin finally got some trouser snake, and everyone goes home happy!

Tommy: I heard you banged out Yeasty Yolanda at the party last night!
Bob: Ohhh HELL NO! I had to call in my doppelbänger to do the dirty deed.

by Jumpingrat October 29, 2019

I don't give half a fuck

To care so little about something that one half of the standard fuck will suffice. Used when you want to make clear that you truely could care less.

Mary: "Do you want to go have sushi or steak?"
Joe: "Whatever, I don't care".
Mary: "Or should we go to Benihana?"
Joe: "I don't give half a fuck! Let's just eat!"

by Jumpingrat September 2, 2008

Blowout

An uncontrolled, poorly contained and always catastrophic bowel movement. Usually the chuncky runs. So bad that even heavy pants can't hide the mess. Food poisoning or a very disagreeable meal are two main culprits for a blowout.

In line at the McDonalds:
Joe: "Oh Jesus, Oh..."
Mike: "What? What's wrong?"
Joe: "That toddler in front of us."
Mike: "Toddler? Oh my, fuck .. Oh the smell."
Joe: "Hey lady! Your little crotch dropping seems to have had a blowout."

by Jumpingrat September 14, 2008

A clear bag of smashed assholes

Very bad, Very foul. Something that one would generally not wish to see. What's worse than A bag of smashed assholes? A clear bag of them. To increase the level of effect a weight is sometimes given, such as 5 Lb. bag or 10 Lb. bag.

Usually used to describe how one feels. Particularly after a night of drunken debauchery.

"Did you guys see Joe come into work this morning? He looked like a clear bag of smashed assholes".

by Jumpingrat September 4, 2008