Yeah, no I'm gonna do an exodus one.
God "Hey! Hi! Moses!"
Moses "Um... Yes? Can I help you?"
God "Yeah, actually. I need you do to me favor."
Moses "Who... Exactly are you?"
God "Oh! Oh, right. Yeah, I'm the guy. I made all the stuff. What are you calling me nowadays? Elohim? Ha! I'm asking but... Well... You know."
Moses "OH! Oh! That- I... Yes! Yes, what can I do for you, lord? Anything!"
God "Yeah, hey, go tell Pharoah to give me all the Jew-slaves... Make him give me the Jew-slaves.... And those cows. I want the cows too."
Moses 😨 "Wh... What? How? I can't..."
God "No... You can. Tell him to give me the slaves or I'm going to kill all of his kids. Or wait, no! I'm going to kill all of the kids not just his- NO WAIT! Even better! The first born sons of every man and woman in Egypt! THAT'S who I'm going to kill. All the first born sons."
Moses 😱 "I can't tell him that! He's going to kill me! Why would he even believe me!? Why can't YOU just tell him!?"
God "Hey! Hi! Moses!"
Moses "Um... Yes? Can I help you?"
God "Yeah, actually. I need you do to me favor."
Moses "Who... Exactly are you?"
God "Oh! Oh, right. Yeah, I'm the guy. I made all the stuff. What are you calling me nowadays? Elohim? Ha! I'm asking but... Well... You know."
Moses "OH! Oh! That- I... Yes! Yes, what can I do for you, lord? Anything!"
God "Yeah, hey, go tell Pharoah to give me all the Jew-slaves... Make him give me the Jew-slaves.... And those cows. I want the cows too."
Moses 😨 "Wh... What? How? I can't..."
God "No... You can. Tell him to give me the slaves or I'm going to kill all of his kids. Or wait, no! I'm going to kill all of the kids not just his- NO WAIT! Even better! The first born sons of every man and woman in Egypt! THAT'S who I'm going to kill. All the first born sons."
Moses 😱 "I can't tell him that! He's going to kill me! Why would he even believe me!? Why can't YOU just tell him!?"
God "No... No, I don't really feel like it. I want you to do it... So... You're doing it. Hey, and tell him about the frogs. But no, you're fine. Go tell him the thing. Here- Go, take this magic stick."
*Hands Moses stick*
Moses "Um... Frogs?"
God "He's not going to want to do it so I'm gonna make it rain frogs.... And crickets... And I'm going to turn all the water into blood... And, like, 7 other things... Gonna do a bunch of stuff..."
Moses 😨
God "..... Oh, damn it. Is the times broken? Did I... Hold on a second- Er... Heheheh... Nevermind. Hmm... No... The times is on.... Huh... So... You're just standing there I don't understand what's happening right now."
Moses 😨
God "Okay... Go do the thing. I don't think I could have been any more clear about this. Times is on so why-uh... Are you not doing the thing?"
Moses 😨 *Walks off*
God 😮 💨 "I gotta get a better handle on this 'times' thing man... Is it moving? Is it not? I can't tell the fucking difference... 😮 💨 Yep... Yepyepyep... HEY! DON'T FORGET THE COWS!"
EXODUS
*Hands Moses stick*
Moses "Um... Frogs?"
God "He's not going to want to do it so I'm gonna make it rain frogs.... And crickets... And I'm going to turn all the water into blood... And, like, 7 other things... Gonna do a bunch of stuff..."
Moses 😨
God "..... Oh, damn it. Is the times broken? Did I... Hold on a second- Er... Heheheh... Nevermind. Hmm... No... The times is on.... Huh... So... You're just standing there I don't understand what's happening right now."
Moses 😨
God "Okay... Go do the thing. I don't think I could have been any more clear about this. Times is on so why-uh... Are you not doing the thing?"
Moses 😨 *Walks off*
God 😮 💨 "I gotta get a better handle on this 'times' thing man... Is it moving? Is it not? I can't tell the fucking difference... 😮 💨 Yep... Yepyepyep... HEY! DON'T FORGET THE COWS!"
EXODUS
by Hym Iam October 25, 2023
Like... A lot of people are doing the shit you're doing my guy. I also insert responses to multiple people at the same time. You have a tendency to undermine the shear volume of input I receive on a daily basis.
Hym "Really, guy you're adding people daily. And every response is something I've heard someone say! I'm actively talking on every position that is thrown at me. Words out of somebody's mouth. Heard by me. Said to me. Insinuating that I'm just making up positions that nobody holds is insulting. Why is that something you're assuming?"
by Hym Iam June 04, 2022
I'm laughing because you are letting this nigga PRETEND TO BE ME and he's sexually defrauding Swedish girls and revenge porning all your little YouTube friends you fucking idiot! That's YOU! That you doing that!
Hym "Oh, the laughing? Clearly it's the pressure building up in my fucking skull, you bitch! The bacteria is activating the laughing neurons! I try to type 'Oh no! What a tragedy!' And instead I get 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' It's the strangest thing!
by Hym Iam January 26, 2025
Hym "Do you want to know what I'm laughing about? Piers Morgan's wife needing a 'break!' A break to do what exactly? Get pumped by a fat cock? Probably! If you told me she WAS getting piped... I wouldn't doubt it for a second. Ha! I haven't seen her though. Is she fuckable? I don't care enough to Google it but... I don't know. A break. Why would you need a break from that guy, I wonder?"
by Hym Iam January 10, 2025
Hym "Yeah, you're laughing but I don't see talking about that school shooter who said on camera he was going to shoot up a school 2 years before he did it and how you sent the FBI to his home but weren't able to do anything... Is it because the video of him saying he would shoot up a school was illegally obtained? Were you doing to him what you are doing to me? I don't think you'll be laughing when you have to answer these questions. And you sure as hell weren't laughing on Jan 6th were you? I think you need to give me my money and make a concerted effort to snuff out what is happening to me before you accidentally murder more of your own kids and then GO BACK TO DAY DRINKING AND NAPPING ON THE JOB WHILE YOU WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME WITH HEARINGS ABOUT UFOS YOU FAT CLOWN."
by Hym Iam May 23, 2025
Yes. So scared that you had to both keep provoking me and fucking the retard and the retard had to be in my emails because reasons and NOW... You have to do what you're doing because you're just so scawd.
Hym "You are a lying piece of shit that is trying to steal my accomplishment from me and diminish my rights NOT BECAUSE it keeps your kids safe but because it allows you to keep pretending to be better than someone you are not better than. You want the piece of shit breeders to dictate whether or not people get rights completely arbitrarily. That isn't scared."
by Hym Iam January 10, 2025
Hym "It's always been about what I'm saying it's always been about you lying piece of shit. You tell these incest cult freaks to shut the fuck up. You tell the shit-lib hippy hivemind to shut the fuck up. And you force those YouTube freaks to tell the truth. And you do it immediately. You remove these piles of sentient waste out of my life. PERMANENTLY. Or I will do I for you."
by Hym Iam April 14, 2025