Fearman's definitions

Pass the tea, please, where's the sugar?

Horrific message often found when listening to Beatles albums played backwards. "Tea" and "sugar" obviously have multiple unspeakably depraved meanings. (How do you play them backwards, by the way? I've never managed to do it!)

On hearing that bit where gnis seltaeB eht Pass the tea, please, where's the sugar?:

Ohhh NOOOOOOOOOO, it's super teatime AGAIN, hide the kiddies!!!

by Fearman October 30, 2007

Tom Clancy

Middling quality thriller novelist who probably does his homework on the research end of things, is full of American jingoism, and avoids including sex scenes in his books because he thinks that makes them more respectable. Has had two middling good movies made of his work, The Hunt for Red October and The Sum of All Fears.

Bernie says she'd rather watch the movies they make of his books than read Tom Clancy's originals.

by Fearman May 26, 2008

Dali nap

Extremely brief nap as devised by Catalan Surrealist artist Salvador Dali. He would slide off to sleep in a chair with his arm over the side, holding a spoon over a plate on the floor. The instant he fell asleep, his hand would loosen up and the spoon would fall out and hit the plate with a clatter that woke him up again. He claimed that the brief rest thus afforded him worked wonders.

The boss is coming in the door in twenty seconds. I'd better take a Dali nap.

by Fearman December 23, 2007

Neptune

1. Officially the outermost major planet in the solar system after the demotion of Pluto to dwarf planet status in 2006. An ice giant with a cool, deep blue coloration. Similar composition to Uranus. Mean distance from the Sun 2.798 billion miles. Equatorial diameter 30,775 miles, give or take 20. Polar diameter 30,250 miles, give or take 40. Visible cloud deck is at temperatures around 218 degrees Centigrade below zero. Orbits once in 164.79 Earth years, or as of this writing just about once since it was discovered by Urbain le Verrier and Johann Gottfried Galle in 1846. Visited by Voyager 2 in 1989. At last count had 13 recognised moons. Had a dark blue marking looking remarkably similar to Jupiter's Great Red Spot, with Neptunian proportions and colour scheme, at the time of Voyager's flyby, which was promptly named the Great Dark Spot; apparently this has since disappeared.

2. Roman divinity of the sea, influenced by but not identical to the Greek Poseidon. Also a god of horses. Had a fishy lower body and brandished a trident.

Neptune is visible in a good telescope.

Capitolus strode on board his ship and set sail across Neptune's kingdom.

by Fearman May 12, 2008

shit cubed

The epitome of evil, typically someone from the gutter who is the epitome of evil.

Stalin, Hitler, Pot Pot and a few other shining gentlemen who are shit cubed.

by Fearman August 19, 2007

couch gag

The joke towards the end of the opening credits to The Simpsons. Each week (or most weeks) something different happens when the family rush into the living room to watch the TV.

Various examples of the Couch Gag: the couch turns into a monster that swallows the family once they sit on it ... the end wall with the couch retreats down an increasingly long tunnel and they keep chasing after it ... Santa's Little Helper (their dog) is already sitting on the couch and snarls, hair bristling, as they close in ... the family crash into each other and break into little pieces on the floor with a noise like shattering porcelain.

by Fearman August 14, 2007

Tom Cruise

I'm in love (yippee!!!) and I hate psychiatrists (fucking nut jobs, all of them, ALL OF THEM), who are out to control the world (trembles for a few moments) and drop hydrogen bombs on everybody (BIG ones, yeahhh). Hey, have you seen my girlfriend? (BOINNNGGG!!) I'm wild! You're cool, too! (Pulls hair out, laughs.) No, seriously? Oh. (Grows sullen.) Oh. (Grows REALLY sullen.) Oh. Why would you want to do that to me? No, seriously, why would you want to do that to me? Why? Why? Why would you want to do that to me? (Jumps up on couch, pulls dramatic stance, couch falls backward, he crawls up to kneel on the front of the seat.) They've hated me ever since I played a veteran of the Great Galactic War between the Thetans and the Engrammatised Ones. (Goes boggle-eyed, cackles, shrieks ...,) We're all going to be bigger than Oprah! (YAY!) And it makes me sick, you know that? Why isn't everyone looking at me RIGHT NOW? And you know what? I'm NOT GAY!!! Mimi! Ha! Nicole! Ha! Penelope! Ha! Katie, aww, KATIIEEE!!! Ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa! Here, I can lick my own balls, seriously. Just watch me ... (Licks own balls, audience stampede out of the auditorium.)

The above was a party political broadcast on behalf of Tom Cruise.

by Fearman April 16, 2008