Benedict XVI

(As of 2007) current occupant of the Throne of Peter. Talks a fair amount about gays in rather shrill tones. Likes to hide behind other powerful men before coming into the limelight, as he did as the author of many of Karol Wojtyla's bulls. Really has a fabulous wardrobe. Last seen slinking around St. Peter's in a pair of ruby slippers, just like Judy. Has a birth name meaning rat-catcher, good job he got his current post so he can shed that skin and emerge from his chryalis transformed into a beautiful butterfly. Most beloved closet queen on the planet. After all, he may come from the backwoods of Deutschland, but deep down he knows, there's no place like Rome, there's no place like Rome (click click) there's no place like Rome.

Benedict XVI, I've got your number.

by Fearman August 21, 2007

necrocam

1. Internet movie made on a shoestring in the Netherlands about a group of three beautifully morbidly obsessed (or perhaps just eternally curious) teenagers who vow that the first of them to die will have the process of his/her decomposition broadcast on the Web from a camera installed in his/her well-lit coffin. Darkly witty, even if its reputation seems to exceed its availability.

2. Any similar setup in real life (or real death, I suppose). Unclear at the time of writing if anyone has actually done this, although there is at least one fake version on the Web. In theory there may or may not be cybernetically accessible environmental controls, more than one camera, et cetera.

I managed to download Necrocam a few years back. Gross, but intriguing.

Pamela says she wants necrocam coverage when she dies. Everyone to their own taste.

by Fearman April 10, 2008

ego-warrior

Species of environmental activist (Gimius Limelitius), that sadly is nowhere near the endangered list. Considers itself waaay above any kind of requirement to deal in accurate information, to think rationally, or to treat the opposition fairly. Exists across a range of habitats, including fields of actually or allegedly transgenic crops (preferred activity: uprooting), banks of TV cameras (preferred activity: indulging in purple and impassioned pleas to rest of population that generally involve mentioning children) and rooms set aside for public debate with scientists (preferred activities: screaming, name calling, pulling hair and storming out in a huff). Its favourite habitat, though, is up a tree, preferably as high a tree as possible and especially one that stands along the route of a planned motorway. The species reproduces itself by way of books and websites featuring the kind of fuzzy logic once associated with the likes of Charles Berlitz. It associates mostly or entirely with its own kind and its only predator is Homo Scientificus Rationalis, or so it claims. Often covered in carbuncles, some of which may be mistaken for quartz crystals, and may smell musky or musty, depending on the weather. Claims to be herbivorous. Among biologists, opinion is divided between whether this species represents part of the order of mammals, or that of reptiles. Others say there is just something fishy about it.

Look at those ego-warriors, uprooting your man's sugar beet and claiming to be out to save the Earth.

by Fearman August 19, 2007

modernist

Any writer at the age of twenty. Their head is not together enough to write about anything, but they write just the same. Unfortunately some of them are taken too seriously. Was a lot worse in the 1920s, obviously enough.

Sally doesn't know one end of a pen from the other and tells everyone she's a modernist.

by Fearman January 25, 2008

Heston over your firearms

To die. Derived from "hand over your firearms", and the quote from the late Charlton Heston, "you can have my gun when you prise it from my cold dead hands".

First you marry, then you have 2.7 kids, then you eat quiche, then you Heston over your firearms.

Both my grandfathers had Hestoned over their firearms before I was born.

by Fearman April 13, 2008

racist

1) Anyone who claims that people of different skin colours can't get their asses out of bed in the morning. Typically someone who can't be bothered getting his or her own ass out of bed in the morning.

2) Term thrown back at anyone who DARES to criticise Jews or Moslems.

He's a racist. Every time he goes to the Social Welfare offices, which is often, he makes a point of sneering at all the Blacks and Pakistanis who are reduced to the same situation.

You DARE criticise the Taliban? You Racist!

You DARE criticise the State of Israel? You Anti-Semitic racist pig!

by Fearman September 06, 2007

achocalypse

And yea, I saw descend from Heaven a great brown horse; and the brown horse came down to earth with a crisp clopping bumpy motion and burst open in a shower of delicious brown squares; and all the people gathered around were crying hallelujah with chocolate smeared on their faces until the very cracks of doom.

The above was from the Achocalypse of Saint John the Chocoholic.

by Fearman May 24, 2008