Fearman's definitions

three-scallop problem

A problem whose solution is very obvious to everyone else, but which for some reason they refuse to divulge to someone who needs to find these things out. From the movie Demolition Man, starring Wesley Snipes and Sylvester Stallone, where in a future world of perfect primness no-one has the nerve to explain to Stallone's defrosted cop the purpose of the three seashell-shaped markings in every toilet.

They're not telling me what's up with Diane these days. It must be a three-scallop problem.

by Fearman January 25, 2008

third arm

Somebody who considers themself so tied to someone else that they are only there to do the other's bidding. A slave. By analogy with an actual third arm, with which the owner of the arm could hope to do so much more, but which has no independent life of its own.

Mary is trying to treat Jimmy like her third arm again. She won't even let him go out for a night with the lads.

by Fearman March 28, 2008

hexploitation

Genre of movies/TV series/books and so on in which witchcraft/mystical/occult-related stuff is served up in as twee and New Agey a manner as possible for the consumption of the trendy.

Harry Potter is NOT hexploitation. Anything with Fairuza Balk in it might be.

by Fearman August 10, 2007

Christian Atheist

Someone who thanks God they're an atheist.

So, we know you're an atheist, but we still want to know ... are you a Christian atheist or a Muslim atheist?

by Fearman November 25, 2007

jigsaw morality

"Moral" argument against gay or lesbian sex on the grounds that "the parts don't fit", as though bodies were supposed to be parts of a jigsaw.

Rome and Topeka have chimed in again with their discussion on how the seam line doesn't match up. More jigsaw morality.

Oops ... I just realised, our parts don't fit, umm, let's call it off. Hey, hold on, I know ... wanna go bowling?

by Fearman January 15, 2008

Bjork

Pixie-like rock starlet born in Iceland in 1969 or some such. Died in a car crash in 1990. All subsequent appearances, including those in concert before half the population of Iceland, have been computer-generated. IT'S TWOOO!!!

Bjork is appearing in concert tonight. Every last pixel of her. Gorgeous.

by Fearman November 22, 2007

do a Begbie

To toss/drop a beer glass over the side of a balcony on pub customers below, esp. if this results in injuries downstairs. May be accidental, but strictly speaking is intended to provide a pretext for the dropper to come downstairs, claim to be upset, and escalate the punch-up. From the stunt pulled by Francis Begbie in the 1996 classic movie, Trainspotting. At its classiest when the glass is thrown nonchalantly over the shoulder, like a pinch of salt.

That fellah over there with the scars down one side of his face is leaning over the rail with his Erdinger glass in one hand and has a look of sick anticipation in his eyes. I suspect he may be about to do a Begbie on the broad with the big boobs and the red T-shirt.

by Fearman April 10, 2008