Fearman's definitions

Tom Cruise

I'm in love (yippee!!!) and I hate psychiatrists (fucking nut jobs, all of them, ALL OF THEM), who are out to control the world (trembles for a few moments) and drop hydrogen bombs on everybody (BIG ones, yeahhh). Hey, have you seen my girlfriend? (BOINNNGGG!!) I'm wild! You're cool, too! (Pulls hair out, laughs.) No, seriously? Oh. (Grows sullen.) Oh. (Grows REALLY sullen.) Oh. Why would you want to do that to me? No, seriously, why would you want to do that to me? Why? Why? Why would you want to do that to me? (Jumps up on couch, pulls dramatic stance, couch falls backward, he crawls up to kneel on the front of the seat.) They've hated me ever since I played a veteran of the Great Galactic War between the Thetans and the Engrammatised Ones. (Goes boggle-eyed, cackles, shrieks ...,) We're all going to be bigger than Oprah! (YAY!) And it makes me sick, you know that? Why isn't everyone looking at me RIGHT NOW? And you know what? I'm NOT GAY!!! Mimi! Ha! Nicole! Ha! Penelope! Ha! Katie, aww, KATIIEEE!!! Ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa! Here, I can lick my own balls, seriously. Just watch me ... (Licks own balls, audience stampede out of the auditorium.)

The above was a party political broadcast on behalf of Tom Cruise.

by Fearman April 16, 2008

love

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

by Fearman February 14, 2008

Dead Pixel

A pixel on an LCD screen that stays a single bright colour irrespective of the surrounding background. Can be at least partly toned out by stroking the relevant area of the screen.

There were a couple of dead pixels on my screen last night.

by Fearman November 25, 2007

wingnutscrewballsup

Extreme form of wingnut or screwball. Used of such varied figures as Timothy Treadwell, Anne Coulter or Fred Phelps, as well as countless less famous or infamous personalities.

After decades of fad diets, an addiction to homeopathy and an unbreakable certainty that the world is jointly in the hands of the Jews, the Masons, the Rosicrucians and green lizards from zeta reticuli f, you can understand that my sister is a complete wingnutscrewballsup.

by Fearman April 5, 2008

Uranus

1. Third largest planet in the solar system by diameter and least massive of the gas giants. Discovered by Sir William Herschel in 1781. A naked eye object in good conditions if you know where and what to look for. Higher proportions of water ice, methane and ammonia in the atmospheres of Uranus and Neptune have led astronomers to class these worlds in a separate category known as the ice giants. Knocked on its side by an early impact to its current 98-degree axial tilt, Uranus rolls almost like a ball along its orbit, with first one hemisphere and then the other experiencing daylight. Uranus is known for a system of dark rings of carbonaceous material. Orbits the sun at 1.787 billion miles mean distance, or approaching twenty times Earth's distance, from the Sun. Wins the booby prize for the least photogenic planet in the system, appearing a more or less featureless cyan globe, though this may change at the equinoxes every 42 Earth years. Visited by Voyager 2 in 1986. At last count, 27 moons.

2. Romanised form of the Greek god's name Ouranos, god of the heavens.

3. No scatological jokes, please.

If you know what part of the night sky to look at, you can see the planet Uranus if you squint.

Uranus, god of the heavens.

by Fearman May 12, 2008

quoking

Vaginal smoking, as demonstrated on at least one Internet video sequence with that gorgeous woman who says "and you don't cough, and it doesn't get your teeth yellow!" If you possess a vagina you stick the cool end of the lit cigar or cigarette in and use rhythmic contractions of the vaginal or perineal muscles to suck in and expel air. Try not to burn your pubes. To anyone halfway intelligent, whatever sex appeal there may be in the practice is entirely a matter of the organ used. Not recommended if you have a non-smoking partner who fancies going down on you. Probably not much healthier than the more familiar method. A contraction of "quim" and "smoking". Verb, to quoke.

Quoking looks interesting if you have a high gross-out threshold, no interest in the quoker's health, and it still has novelty value. Otherwise, forget about it.

by Fearman February 1, 2008

denturocracy

Political system in which the person with the straightest whitest smile gets to run the country.

America is the world's premier denturocracy.

by Fearman October 30, 2007