Fearman's definitions

ego-warrior

Species of environmental activist (Gimius Limelitius), that sadly is nowhere near the endangered list. Considers itself waaay above any kind of requirement to deal in accurate information, to think rationally, or to treat the opposition fairly. Exists across a range of habitats, including fields of actually or allegedly transgenic crops (preferred activity: uprooting), banks of TV cameras (preferred activity: indulging in purple and impassioned pleas to rest of population that generally involve mentioning children) and rooms set aside for public debate with scientists (preferred activities: screaming, name calling, pulling hair and storming out in a huff). Its favourite habitat, though, is up a tree, preferably as high a tree as possible and especially one that stands along the route of a planned motorway. The species reproduces itself by way of books and websites featuring the kind of fuzzy logic once associated with the likes of Charles Berlitz. It associates mostly or entirely with its own kind and its only predator is Homo Scientificus Rationalis, or so it claims. Often covered in carbuncles, some of which may be mistaken for quartz crystals, and may smell musky or musty, depending on the weather. Claims to be herbivorous. Among biologists, opinion is divided between whether this species represents part of the order of mammals, or that of reptiles. Others say there is just something fishy about it.

Look at those ego-warriors, uprooting your man's sugar beet and claiming to be out to save the Earth.

by Fearman August 19, 2007

nigyrophobia

Fear of black helicopters.

Just because you've got nigyrophobia, doesn't mean the CIA aren't operating McDonalds as a front for the Rosicrucians.

by Fearman October 30, 2007

gooboil

Utterly revolting cooked meal. Typically consists of various objects floating in a bath of reeking, bubbling goo. Hence the name.

I'm not going to one of Maisie's gooboils again. The last time I did I yarked all over the driveway.

by Fearman September 30, 2007

serendipity

Something pleasant or useful found while looking for something else. Inspired by a Persian fairy story, "The Three Princes of Serendip".

I initially wanted to date Moira, but she turned out to be an awful bore and she snorted when she laughed, which I can't stand. She did however get me in touch with a car dealer who makes really cool custom cars, top quality and dirt cheap, three of which I bought within a year. That was a real piece of serendipity.

by Fearman April 9, 2008

affluent

1. Wealthy.

2. Drunk, as in under the affluence of inkahol. (Meaning the influence of alcohol, as might be mispronounced when inebriated.) Also associated with the other meaning because either condition (ought to) make your troubles float away.

Give him five shots of whiskey and he's affluent.

by Fearman August 7, 2007

Fred Phelps

Charming Middle American country gentleman who lives with his family in a nice big house/church and preaches hatred of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, liberals, most of America and pretty much most of the planet. For some esoteric reason only his relatives want to stay in the church, and you have to be a member to marry a member, which keeps their straight teeth fluoridated and their fingers on their banjos. Fred has at least one 69 session with Satan every night, and hopes that if he does it well enough long enough he'll get his soul back. Ya gadda have faith.

That's Fred Phelps. No liberals, no gays, not a shred of what the uninformed call basic human decency, just Fred. Yeeeeee-haaay boah!

This is Fred Phelps speaking. Rumours that Saddam Hussein stole away my significant other are totally unfounded.

by Fearman November 26, 2007

couch gag

The joke towards the end of the opening credits to The Simpsons. Each week (or most weeks) something different happens when the family rush into the living room to watch the TV.

Various examples of the Couch Gag: the couch turns into a monster that swallows the family once they sit on it ... the end wall with the couch retreats down an increasingly long tunnel and they keep chasing after it ... Santa's Little Helper (their dog) is already sitting on the couch and snarls, hair bristling, as they close in ... the family crash into each other and break into little pieces on the floor with a noise like shattering porcelain.

by Fearman August 14, 2007