Fearman's definitions

batman

Invented by Bob Kane in 1940. Coolest superhero in American comic book history (the Incredible Hulk probably comes in a discreet second). Batman's real-life alter ego is billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne. When summoned to crime-ridden Gotham City by the Batsignal (a batlike silhouette within a searchlight beam, shining onto those perpetually dense clouds) he proceeds to de-scum the place like nobody else. Often has at least one delightfully camp side-kick, but generally works best alone.

Unforgettable scene from Tim Burton's 1988 movie ..,

(BATMAN dangles HOOD over side of 23-storey building)

Batman:
I'm not going to harm you. I want you to do something. I want you to tell all your friends who I am.

Hood (howling in fear):
WHO ARE YOU?!?

(Batman pulls the Hood in about an inch from his masked face.)

Batman:
I'm Batman.

(He throws the Hood down on the flat roof behind them. Long before the criminal has regained a fraction of his composure, Batman has disappeared into the shadows.)

by Fearman October 23, 2007

like a crystal cow in knackerland

Used of something or someone unsuited to a given environment, placed there hopefully for well-intended reasons but left defenceless. From a decision by the relevant authorities in Dublin, Ireland in recent years to mount life-size statues of cows in various media and colours in outdoor locations throughout the centre of the city. The cows were soon vandalised, including one dainty little critter with an elaborate design of cut glass that was left, as you do, in one of the less salubrious areas of the city centre and promptly smashed.

She left little Johnny off at school to face the roughest class in the place, like a crystal cow in knackerland.

by Fearman February 10, 2008

Bard Brain

An aficionado of the works of William Shakespeare of Stratford-on-Avon, England, 1564-1616. Self-explanatory, not meant to denigrate.

Bard brains everywhere will appreciate the local production of Hamlet, from December 16th at the Town Hall.

by Fearman August 7, 2007

incest

Fun for all the family. After all, the family that lays together, stays together.

Incest. Because sometimes narcissistic manipulation of your rugrats just ain't enough.

by Fearman March 25, 2008

Ireland

Twentieth largest island on the planet. West of Great Britain. Home to Brendan Behan, U2 and the original Guinness brewery. Used to get most of the rain in Europe, now thankfully changing due to global warming, proving that it is an ill wind and all that. Exports include the above rock group, an above average slice (for the island's population) of the world's greatest writers, the above dark beverage with a creamy head on, oodles of women with unwanted pregnancies, a few deliveries of Semtex, milk, beef, and formerly, streams of missionaries. Currently is the grip of a "tiger economy" which doesn't seem so feline if you leave out the wobbly property market. Wouldn't be such a bad place if it wasn't for Limerick and a couple of places in the Six Counties.

Ireland. Last chance to make a will before the Atlantic.

by Fearman December 26, 2007

so many puppies, so little time

Expression of repressed rage and anger at the world. Taken as a lament that with so many puppies (vulnerable shitheads/valuable commodities/etc) in the vicinity, one does not have the time or freedom to exercise one's creative vigour in destroying the whole goddamned lot of them.

Twenty CVs sent out, nineteen Dear John letters, one ignored. No money. So many puppies, so little time.

by Fearman January 7, 2008

Westboro baptist church

A significant proportion of the population (not many, but enough people) spend their school days whipping other kids, sneering in their faces, tearing up their copybooks, beating up anyone they can while still looking righteous and popular and generally doing everything they can to crush the spirit out of anyone they can get away with so treating. Fortunately, most of them have the grace to leave this childhood unpleasantness behind in due course, and become people of fairness, maturity and integrity who are man or woman enough to, at the very least, apologise to their former victims. And mean it.

And then, alas, there are a pathetic few like the Phelps clan.

Various forms of behaviour unworthy of the most intelligent species on the planet are exemplified, to take two examples, by schoolyard bullies, and by the Westboro Baptist Church.

by Fearman August 6, 2007