When you wait so long for your Uber that you shit your pants. There are two kinds of Uber shitters...those that will still get in the car with their shitty pants and that those that refuse to get in, out of respect for the upholstery.
After a big meal and several draft beers, Ryan and his crew needed an Uber to take them to the club. Their driver, Omar, was still 10 minutes away when Ryan started having terrible shit pains. Rather than risk missing the ride and disappointing his crew, he decided to hold it in till they got to the club....bad decision. With Omar but minutes away, Ryan dropped an Uber shit straight through his underwear and into his pants. The Uber pulled up to the curb and now it was crunch time. Ryan refused to get in the car, it was a matter principle. His crew jumped in and swore they would never tell anybody about the incident. Ryan stood alone on the sidewalk and called his mom to bring him pants and underwear.
by El Conquistador January 29, 2019
A large load of jizm delivered to the back of ones throat, covering the uvula and tonsils in warm, thick, well churned sperm milk. Not to be confused with the low fat version, I Can’t Believe it’s not Tonsil Butter.
Stuck at work late at night, Cody and Ryan needed a quick snack. All they had in the fridge, of course, was some cheap canned biscuits and eleven jars of grape jelly. Cody started to cry as his hunger pains told him that would not be enough to satisfy him. Ryan wanted to help his friend, so he offered to whip up a fresh batch of tonsil butter for Cody. He gladly accepted Ryan’s generous offering of tonsil butter with enthusiasm. Cody was so moved he was speechless. With a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat, he gave Ryan a big bear hug. Of course Ryan, always the giver, didn’t know who was more satisfied; Cody for the receiving or himself the giving.
by El Conquistador February 20, 2020
Performing a violent hand job on the gentleman to your left and the gentleman to your right, all while throating a third gentleman in the middle. Basically a modified Angry Pterodactyl with a hands free tonsil punch.
A poem dedicated to our friend Fast Pat, because we know he can take a joke.
Reach to your left and grab Cody by the root.
Wrap your fingers around like you wanna play a flute.
Riggs is here now and he wants to play too.
Two at a time ain’t no challenge for you.
Hold up, you’re not done working.
There’s more to an Angry Triceratops than just a bunch of jerking.
Doty is on deck and he’s full to the rim.
He hasn’t had booger since booger had him.
So plant two lips and work down to the scrotum.
You’ve been dreaming of this ever since you know’d him.
Now get to beating, like those dicks owe you money.
Beat ‘em so angry, they start cummin’ runny.
Don’t forget the middle man, he’s not there for the show.
It’s all about suction, they just call it a blow.
Breathe through your nose and don’t stop till it pops.
Show us why you’re the best, Angry Triceratops.
Reach to your left and grab Cody by the root.
Wrap your fingers around like you wanna play a flute.
Riggs is here now and he wants to play too.
Two at a time ain’t no challenge for you.
Hold up, you’re not done working.
There’s more to an Angry Triceratops than just a bunch of jerking.
Doty is on deck and he’s full to the rim.
He hasn’t had booger since booger had him.
So plant two lips and work down to the scrotum.
You’ve been dreaming of this ever since you know’d him.
Now get to beating, like those dicks owe you money.
Beat ‘em so angry, they start cummin’ runny.
Don’t forget the middle man, he’s not there for the show.
It’s all about suction, they just call it a blow.
Breathe through your nose and don’t stop till it pops.
Show us why you’re the best, Angry Triceratops.
by El Conquistador July 29, 2023
I love it when my GF holds my runt ball in her mouth and hums the national anthem. God bless America!
by El Conquistador July 10, 2017
by El Conquistador July 13, 2017
When having sex with a chick and you are doing her from behind, right before you "finish", you take a flag with your name on it and stick it into her ass hole and as you finish you yell out "I'm the man on the moon!".
Guy1: "Last night I conquered new territory, I took that fine ass home and planted my flag!"
Guy2: "Dayam man! You pulled a man on the moon on her ass!"
Guy2: "Dayam man! You pulled a man on the moon on her ass!"
by El Conquistador November 09, 2004
A German smear is made by dipping two fingers in shit, doesn’t matter whose it is, then giving yourself a Hitler mustache with it. Now grab your lover and plant a big sloppy kiss.
Ryan would do anything for Cody, so when Cody asked to try the German smear, Ryan pooped his right there. #truelove
by El Conquistador April 01, 2018