Drex Johnson's definitions

one-eyed-bed-snake

The blind organ of masculinity commonly found nestled between a gentlemans thighs that often wakes early in the morning independantly of its owner..

Gravitates towards madams dick-ditch if she should bed down with sir..

The one-eyed-bed-snake was on fine form this morning, but my wife was having none of it so I had to use my hand..

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

dog snot

The clear fluid that dribbles from the eye of a gentlemans pleasure pole prior to the big unloading..

So called because it is similar in taste and consistency to the stuff that leaks out of Fido's nose..

Useful for lubricating the mammaries as you thrust the man-meat between them before giving madam a pearl necklace..

Madam: "Have you cum?"..

Sir: "Not yet darling.."

Madam: "Whats that mess on me tits then?"..

Sir: "That's just dog snot dear.. Tadpole soup will be delievered shortly..

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

Jug Surfing

Riding astride the chest of a large breasted milk maid prior to releasing a portion of tadpole soup twixt the humps and over the face..

Miss Jones's tits are made for jug surfing! What greater pleasure can a gentleman have than to get his solid masculinity in the trough between the soft pulpy wonders and thrust away till the cream beans come out to play!

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

Midnight Randyvous

The act of meeting for sex at a time best chosen for its deliberate inconvenience for any other activities, thus getting round and avoiding the usual boredom, expense and interrogative shit of a "date"..

My therapist told me my low levels of respect for women probably stemmed from my habit of only ever agreeing to meet them for a midnight randyvous, after spending several hours priming them for action via MSN and other forms of internet self-abuse

by Drex Johnson July 21, 2011

psycholojism

The language used by amateur (and sometimes professional) psychologists and sociologists to talk bollocks in order to invalidate an opponent in a debate, court, or forum..

A load of head-jism..

"The shrink told the court I was a psychotic, manic, schizo, narcissistic, empathy devoid and unsuitable human being for anything worthy of respect.. But frankly, thats just a load of psycholojism, commonly known as 'bollocks'..

I told the judge to shove it up his fucking arse.. I guess that proved a point.."

by Drex Johnson November 12, 2011

Shag Dodger

A person who avoids their obligations in the bedroom (or any other place where sex can be expected to happen)..

Drex was most put out at the expectation that he should shaft Big Lady after she had made him another fine meal..

All he really wanted to do was go to sleep, but the thought of her labelling him a "Shag Dodger" in the morning was too depressing to contemplate so he reluctantly Rogered her brains out several times..

by Drex Johnson September 30, 2014

fingering the dog

lazy around and doing nothing of note other than surfing the web, watching crappy TV or abusing house pets etc..

"Hey William, you really aught to come train in the gym and get yourself ready for the beach, instead of spending all your free time fingering the dog.."

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010