Drex Johnson's definitions

Midnight Randyvous

The act of meeting for sex at a time best chosen for its deliberate inconvenience for any other activities, thus getting round and avoiding the usual boredom, expense and interrogative shit of a "date"..

My therapist told me my low levels of respect for women probably stemmed from my habit of only ever agreeing to meet them for a midnight randyvous, after spending several hours priming them for action via MSN and other forms of internet self-abuse

by Drex Johnson July 21, 2011

Jug Surfing

Riding astride the chest of a large breasted milk maid prior to releasing a portion of tadpole soup twixt the humps and over the face..

Miss Jones's tits are made for jug surfing! What greater pleasure can a gentleman have than to get his solid masculinity in the trough between the soft pulpy wonders and thrust away till the cream beans come out to play!

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

ball bagged

The status of once proud and fearless gent of integrity who has lost his freedom and right to roam by submitting to the manipulations of a "ball bagger"..

This sad turn of events often happens to men in the prime of their lives, and could be a reaction to the stresses of "freedom" and the poor quality of casual pick-up material on offer these days..

Usually such specimens of men are rarely seen outside of the work environment or at family gatherings usually arranged by their miserable and deeply insecure female "owners". Any attempt to assert their previous rights to roam are met with histrionics, prolonged sulking, sex strikes and threats of "violence by proxy" often involving family members or friends of the ball bagger, the police, or family courts..

A ball bagged man is the butt of many jokes, as he lives in a form of comfortable castration rather like a neutered housepet.. But never has any real fun anymore, because his balls, are in "she who must be obeyed"'s handbag..

Bill realised, as he looked in the mirror at a body that was once lean and athletic but now looks as sad and sorry as the heap of lard sulking on the sofa that had ball bagged him into this pathetic life, that he was not really able to escape now. The price would be too high and he didn't want to end up unable to see his child, even though that was what had trapped him in this situation in the first place..

by Drex Johnson July 22, 2011

one-eyed-bed-snake

The blind organ of masculinity commonly found nestled between a gentlemans thighs that often wakes early in the morning independantly of its owner..

Gravitates towards madams dick-ditch if she should bed down with sir..

The one-eyed-bed-snake was on fine form this morning, but my wife was having none of it so I had to use my hand..

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

dog snot

The clear fluid that dribbles from the eye of a gentlemans pleasure pole prior to the big unloading..

So called because it is similar in taste and consistency to the stuff that leaks out of Fido's nose..

Useful for lubricating the mammaries as you thrust the man-meat between them before giving madam a pearl necklace..

Madam: "Have you cum?"..

Sir: "Not yet darling.."

Madam: "Whats that mess on me tits then?"..

Sir: "That's just dog snot dear.. Tadpole soup will be delievered shortly..

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

FTP

Face, Tits, Pussy.. The basic "big 3" pics required before a gentleman decides if it is worth having a midnight randyvous with any lady in question that he may have found while browsing the internet on his wankport..

Until this File Transfer Protocol has been completed, risk of disappointment is often too high to make it worth considering making the trip..

Richard always insisted on getting the FTP shots from any lady he was considering meeting, but often he would blow his load immediately he saw them and then decide she was too much of a cheap slut anyway.. So perhaps it was counterproductive in a strangely unexpected way.. Wankers remorse..?

by Drex Johnson October 19, 2014

Grimsby trawler

A rough looking heavy-set dumpy whore who is unlikely to appeal to the average punter. Occasionally seen plodding the beat in red-light areas late on, looking desperate and dejected holding a carrier bag and with her over-sized dugs resting on her cannibal cooking pot sized belly half exposed..

Sir was on tour again last night and the streets were somewhat empty of prime stock.. However, a Grimsby trawler was seen moving slowly down the main drag and Richard wondered what her price might be..

Such an act would surely be considered a charitable deed, but alas, as he returned, his chances of having his bell chewed were negated as she was no longer apparent.. Some other sexual philanthropist had snaffled the beast..

by Drex Johnson October 28, 2019