Drex Johnson's definitions

gutted salmon

A large juicy and succulent vagina with mouth-wateringly sweet pink and fleshy lips..

Not so appealing to vegans and vegetarians..

More a gourmet dish for the committed practicing Vaginarian..

Must be eaten fresh, or it rapidly becomes a musky mackerel, which is not quite so fresh, or even worse, a rancid pilchard..

Big lady was a strange name for a woman who was only slightly above average height and was not really more weighty than the average western factory farm fed female.. (220lbs)..

But it became clear on webcam that her diet of cakes and lard had somehow enabled her to showcase a gutted salmon to her fans the likes of which is rare seen online and that a gent could definitely lose his head in when searching for his wrist watch in the morning after the pleasures of the night..

by Drex Johnson October 18, 2016

Common Universal Natural Tendency

How to say "Cunt" without making it obvious..

I was going to ask my girlfriend if would be OK for me to spend an evening out on the town getting shitfaced with the lads, but the Common Universal Natural Tendency of a woman does not approve of a man enjoying himself without her being there..

by Drex Johnson September 30, 2014

fingering the dog

lazy around and doing nothing of note other than surfing the web, watching crappy TV or abusing house pets etc..

"Hey William, you really aught to come train in the gym and get yourself ready for the beach, instead of spending all your free time fingering the dog.."

by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010

FTP

Face, Tits, Pussy.. The basic "big 3" pics required before a gentleman decides if it is worth having a midnight randyvous with any lady in question that he may have found while browsing the internet on his wankport..

Until this File Transfer Protocol has been completed, risk of disappointment is often too high to make it worth considering making the trip..

Richard always insisted on getting the FTP shots from any lady he was considering meeting, but often he would blow his load immediately he saw them and then decide she was too much of a cheap slut anyway.. So perhaps it was counterproductive in a strangely unexpected way.. Wankers remorse..?

by Drex Johnson October 19, 2014

Midnight Randyvous

The act of meeting for sex at a time best chosen for its deliberate inconvenience for any other activities, thus getting round and avoiding the usual boredom, expense and interrogative shit of a "date"..

My therapist told me my low levels of respect for women probably stemmed from my habit of only ever agreeing to meet them for a midnight randyvous, after spending several hours priming them for action via MSN and other forms of internet self-abuse

by Drex Johnson July 21, 2011

Grimsby trawler

A rough looking heavy-set dumpy whore who is unlikely to appeal to the average punter. Occasionally seen plodding the beat in red-light areas late on, looking desperate and dejected holding a carrier bag and with her over-sized dugs resting on her cannibal cooking pot sized belly half exposed..

Sir was on tour again last night and the streets were somewhat empty of prime stock.. However, a Grimsby trawler was seen moving slowly down the main drag and Richard wondered what her price might be..

Such an act would surely be considered a charitable deed, but alas, as he returned, his chances of having his bell chewed were negated as she was no longer apparent.. Some other sexual philanthropist had snaffled the beast..

by Drex Johnson October 28, 2019

gash master

A large and useful tool that can always do the job to satisfaction..

Gent with a reputation for satisfying the ladies sexually..

Step aside", said the tall dark stranger.. Gripping his robust and solid tool in both hands.. "Gash master will show you how its done!

by Drex Johnson June 20, 2011