Definitions by Drex Johnson
Midnight Randyvous
The act of meeting for sex at a time best chosen for its deliberate inconvenience for any other activities, thus getting round and avoiding the usual boredom, expense and interrogative shit of a "date"..
My therapist told me my low levels of respect for women probably stemmed from my habit of only ever agreeing to meet them for a midnight randyvous, after spending several hours priming them for action via MSN and other forms of internet self-abuse
Midnight Randyvous by Drex Johnson July 21, 2011
badger queen
Rather less attractive than a "cougar", the badger queen spends her time, money and energies trying to persuade men to have a relationship with her by offering a range easy sexual services...
She thinks she is entitled to anything she wants, your cock, anyone else's cock, her ex-husbands home, kids and wallet, a made-up job created at tax payers expense, 24 hour police protection, children (anyone's.. as long as she gets paid for "looking after" them)..
Usually securely employed in (overpaid) menial state sector work, such as nursing, and claiming vast amounts of welfare money too as a result of having pushed out a fanny turd or two.. She has protected status in a feminist dominated society and mistakes this for respect..
Usually seriously overweight and often drunk, she mistakes the lumps of dough hanging off her chest for attractive breasts and likes to find ways of presenting these amorphous heaps to the attention of potential victims..
She tries her best to hide the apron of lard that overhangs a vagina that looks like a cold congealed doner kebab wedged between a sumo wrestlers thighs..
She is trapped in this deluded lifestyle for the foreseeable future and the best she can hope for is a sad "fuck-buddy", while she tries to come to terms with her inability to persuade any bloke with a shred of self-respect to take her and her STD's on..
She thinks she is entitled to anything she wants, your cock, anyone else's cock, her ex-husbands home, kids and wallet, a made-up job created at tax payers expense, 24 hour police protection, children (anyone's.. as long as she gets paid for "looking after" them)..
Usually securely employed in (overpaid) menial state sector work, such as nursing, and claiming vast amounts of welfare money too as a result of having pushed out a fanny turd or two.. She has protected status in a feminist dominated society and mistakes this for respect..
Usually seriously overweight and often drunk, she mistakes the lumps of dough hanging off her chest for attractive breasts and likes to find ways of presenting these amorphous heaps to the attention of potential victims..
She tries her best to hide the apron of lard that overhangs a vagina that looks like a cold congealed doner kebab wedged between a sumo wrestlers thighs..
She is trapped in this deluded lifestyle for the foreseeable future and the best she can hope for is a sad "fuck-buddy", while she tries to come to terms with her inability to persuade any bloke with a shred of self-respect to take her and her STD's on..
Hey, John, I had a date tonight with this woman who looked worth a poke on the face pic, but, well, when I saw the body and heard what she had to say, it was clear she was a rancid badger queen.. I went to the gents, did a runner, and never looked back!
badger queen by Drex Johnson July 18, 2011
gash master
A large and useful tool that can always do the job to satisfaction..
Gent with a reputation for satisfying the ladies sexually..
Gent with a reputation for satisfying the ladies sexually..
Step aside", said the tall dark stranger.. Gripping his robust and solid tool in both hands.. "Gash master will show you how its done!
gash master by Drex Johnson June 20, 2011
one-eyed-bed-snake
The blind organ of masculinity commonly found nestled between a gentlemans thighs that often wakes early in the morning independantly of its owner..
Gravitates towards madams dick-ditch if she should bed down with sir..
Gravitates towards madams dick-ditch if she should bed down with sir..
The one-eyed-bed-snake was on fine form this morning, but my wife was having none of it so I had to use my hand..
one-eyed-bed-snake by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010
fingering the dog
lazy around and doing nothing of note other than surfing the web, watching crappy TV or abusing house pets etc..
"Hey William, you really aught to come train in the gym and get yourself ready for the beach, instead of spending all your free time fingering the dog.."
fingering the dog by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010
dog snot
The clear fluid that dribbles from the eye of a gentlemans pleasure pole prior to the big unloading..
So called because it is similar in taste and consistency to the stuff that leaks out of Fido's nose..
Useful for lubricating the mammaries as you thrust the man-meat between them before giving madam a pearl necklace..
So called because it is similar in taste and consistency to the stuff that leaks out of Fido's nose..
Useful for lubricating the mammaries as you thrust the man-meat between them before giving madam a pearl necklace..
Madam: "Have you cum?"..
Sir: "Not yet darling.."
Madam: "Whats that mess on me tits then?"..
Sir: "That's just dog snot dear.. Tadpole soup will be delievered shortly..
Sir: "Not yet darling.."
Madam: "Whats that mess on me tits then?"..
Sir: "That's just dog snot dear.. Tadpole soup will be delievered shortly..
dog snot by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010
Jug Surfing
Riding astride the chest of a large breasted milk maid prior to releasing a portion of tadpole soup twixt the humps and over the face..
Miss Jones's tits are made for jug surfing! What greater pleasure can a gentleman have than to get his solid masculinity in the trough between the soft pulpy wonders and thrust away till the cream beans come out to play!
Jug Surfing by Drex Johnson March 8, 2010