The correct answer to “Fuck, Marry, Kill” in regards to the Paw Patrol, if you’re a girl. See also: Everest, Skye, Rubble (guy answer).
Girl 1: Rocky’s a scrappy tough guy, like he’s the junkyard dog bad boy of the group, and I think I could change him. Definitely fuck. Everest is super hot and a lot of fun. She can teach me how to ski and I feel like she’d keep me safe, so marry for sure. And Rubble’s a dumb fucking idiot, so I’d drop him off at the all-kill animal shelter ASAP.
Girl 2: Yes, I agree. Rocky, Everest, Rubble (girl answer).
Girl 1: Why did you mutter “girl answer” under your breath?
Girl 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
Girl 2: Yes, I agree. Rocky, Everest, Rubble (girl answer).
Girl 1: Why did you mutter “girl answer” under your breath?
Girl 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
by CountOlaf69 October 15, 2024
When you defecate into a teapot while tea or coffee is brewing, with the express purpose of tricking someone into learning what your poop tastes like. Often accompanied by a nursery rhyme of the same name.
Woman A: I’m a muddy teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout, “I’m full of shit, kids!”
Woman B: What are you doing squatting on my stovetop?
Woman A: Your stove’s burners are burning my feet. I’m suing you now.
Woman B: This will financially ruin me. I need some freshly-brewed tea to help me relax.
Woman A: *grins*
Woman B: What are you doing squatting on my stovetop?
Woman A: Your stove’s burners are burning my feet. I’m suing you now.
Woman B: This will financially ruin me. I need some freshly-brewed tea to help me relax.
Woman A: *grins*
by CountOlaf69 August 17, 2024
A phrase dating back to ancient times and used by many cultures, meaning that one often releases a fart before pooping. Most frequently used as a warning to young children who still sometimes poop in their pants.
Ancient Mayan child: *farts*
Ancient Mayan father: “Son, heed this papyrus. It was left by our ancestors to warn us that a fart comes before the storm. You must seek a toilet before it is too late.”
Ancient Mayan child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Pilgrim child: *farts*
Pilgrim mother: “As the good lord has taught us, child, a fart comes before the storm. You must seek out a toilet before you soil your pantaloons.”
Pilgrim child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Modern child: *farts*
Modern father: “Seek out and sit upon thy toilet, young one, lest ye fill your britches with turd of brown. For as the Bard once wrote, a fart cometh before thy storm.”
Modern mother: “You’re gonna make him weird if you keep talking to him like that.”
Modern child: *exits the room to find a toilet* “Just kidding!” *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Ancient Mayan father: “Son, heed this papyrus. It was left by our ancestors to warn us that a fart comes before the storm. You must seek a toilet before it is too late.”
Ancient Mayan child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Pilgrim child: *farts*
Pilgrim mother: “As the good lord has taught us, child, a fart comes before the storm. You must seek out a toilet before you soil your pantaloons.”
Pilgrim child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Modern child: *farts*
Modern father: “Seek out and sit upon thy toilet, young one, lest ye fill your britches with turd of brown. For as the Bard once wrote, a fart cometh before thy storm.”
Modern mother: “You’re gonna make him weird if you keep talking to him like that.”
Modern child: *exits the room to find a toilet* “Just kidding!” *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
by CountOlaf69 July 14, 2024
The correct answer to “Fuck, Marry, Kill” in regards to the Paw Patrol, if you’re a guy. See also: Rocky, Everest, Rubble (girl answer).
Guy 1: Everest’s like a hot snowboarding chick, she’s probably kind of slutty and kinky, so definitely fuck. Skye’s a sweetheart, and super pretty. Obviously marry. And Rubble’s a dumb fucking idiot, so I’d drop him off at the all-kill animal shelter ASAP.
Guy 2: Yes, I agree. Everest, Skye, Rubble (guy answer).
Guy 1: Why did you mutter “guy answer” under your breath?
Guy 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
Guy 2: Yes, I agree. Everest, Skye, Rubble (guy answer).
Guy 1: Why did you mutter “guy answer” under your breath?
Guy 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
by CountOlaf69 November 27, 2024
When you sneak a woman onto an airplane in your carry-on or checked luggage for the express purpose of engaging in consensual in-flight sex through a hole previously created in the side of said luggage.
Flight attendant: “Excuse me, sir, but please remove your penis from that luggage. I’m worried you’ll get sperm on your travel items.”
Frequent flyer with his penis in a piece of luggage: “Thank you for your concern, but there are no travel items in here, only my wife. We’re muffin smuggling as a means of keeping our marriage strong.”
Flight attendant: “I see. It’s important to do things as a couple. Can I get you a ginger ale?”
Frequent flyer: “Yes. Can I have also have an extra pack of cookies?”
Flight attendant: “No.”
Wife, from within the luggage: “I love when we muffin smuggle.”
Frequent flyer, his penis still in a piece of luggage: “Me too, dear.”
Pilot: “We’ll be landing in 15 minutes.”
Flight attendant: “Sir, I’m going to need you to exit the overhead compartment and return to your seat.”
Frequent flyer with his penis in a piece of luggage: “Thank you for your concern, but there are no travel items in here, only my wife. We’re muffin smuggling as a means of keeping our marriage strong.”
Flight attendant: “I see. It’s important to do things as a couple. Can I get you a ginger ale?”
Frequent flyer: “Yes. Can I have also have an extra pack of cookies?”
Flight attendant: “No.”
Wife, from within the luggage: “I love when we muffin smuggle.”
Frequent flyer, his penis still in a piece of luggage: “Me too, dear.”
Pilot: “We’ll be landing in 15 minutes.”
Flight attendant: “Sir, I’m going to need you to exit the overhead compartment and return to your seat.”
by CountOlaf69 June 22, 2024