The correct answer to “Fuck, Marry, Kill” in regards to the Paw Patrol, if you’re a girl. See also: Everest, Skye, Rubble (guy answer).
Girl 1: Rocky’s a scrappy tough guy, like he’s the junkyard dog bad boy of the group, and I think I could change him. Definitely fuck. Everest is super hot and a lot of fun. She can teach me how to ski and I feel like she’d keep me safe, so marry for sure. And Rubble’s a dumb fucking idiot, so I’d drop him off at the all-kill animal shelter ASAP.
Girl 2: Yes, I agree. Rocky, Everest, Rubble (girl answer).
Girl 1: Why did you mutter “girl answer” under your breath?
Girl 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
Girl 2: Yes, I agree. Rocky, Everest, Rubble (girl answer).
Girl 1: Why did you mutter “girl answer” under your breath?
Girl 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
by CountOlaf69 October 15, 2024
A phrase dating back to ancient times and used by many cultures, meaning that one often releases a fart before pooping. Most frequently used as a warning to young children who still sometimes poop in their pants.
Ancient Mayan child: *farts*
Ancient Mayan father: “Son, heed this papyrus. It was left by our ancestors to warn us that a fart comes before the storm. You must seek a toilet before it is too late.”
Ancient Mayan child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Pilgrim child: *farts*
Pilgrim mother: “As the good lord has taught us, child, a fart comes before the storm. You must seek out a toilet before you soil your pantaloons.”
Pilgrim child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Modern child: *farts*
Modern father: “Seek out and sit upon thy toilet, young one, lest ye fill your britches with turd of brown. For as the Bard once wrote, a fart cometh before thy storm.”
Modern mother: “You’re gonna make him weird if you keep talking to him like that.”
Modern child: *exits the room to find a toilet* “Just kidding!” *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Ancient Mayan father: “Son, heed this papyrus. It was left by our ancestors to warn us that a fart comes before the storm. You must seek a toilet before it is too late.”
Ancient Mayan child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Pilgrim child: *farts*
Pilgrim mother: “As the good lord has taught us, child, a fart comes before the storm. You must seek out a toilet before you soil your pantaloons.”
Pilgrim child: *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
Modern child: *farts*
Modern father: “Seek out and sit upon thy toilet, young one, lest ye fill your britches with turd of brown. For as the Bard once wrote, a fart cometh before thy storm.”
Modern mother: “You’re gonna make him weird if you keep talking to him like that.”
Modern child: *exits the room to find a toilet* “Just kidding!” *doesn’t listen; shits his pants*
by CountOlaf69 July 14, 2024
When you defecate into a teapot while tea or coffee is brewing, with the express purpose of tricking someone into learning what your poop tastes like. Often accompanied by a nursery rhyme of the same name.
Woman A: I’m a muddy teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout, “I’m full of shit, kids!”
Woman B: What are you doing squatting on my stovetop?
Woman A: Your stove’s burners are burning my feet. I’m suing you now.
Woman B: This will financially ruin me. I need some freshly-brewed tea to help me relax.
Woman A: *grins*
Woman B: What are you doing squatting on my stovetop?
Woman A: Your stove’s burners are burning my feet. I’m suing you now.
Woman B: This will financially ruin me. I need some freshly-brewed tea to help me relax.
Woman A: *grins*
by CountOlaf69 August 17, 2024
When you sneak a woman onto an airplane in your carry-on or checked luggage for the express purpose of engaging in consensual in-flight sex through a hole previously created in the side of said luggage.
Flight attendant: “Excuse me, sir, but please remove your penis from that luggage. I’m worried you’ll get sperm on your travel items.”
Frequent flyer with his penis in a piece of luggage: “Thank you for your concern, but there are no travel items in here, only my wife. We’re muffin smuggling as a means of keeping our marriage strong.”
Flight attendant: “I see. It’s important to do things as a couple. Can I get you a ginger ale?”
Frequent flyer: “Yes. Can I have also have an extra pack of cookies?”
Flight attendant: “No.”
Wife, from within the luggage: “I love when we muffin smuggle.”
Frequent flyer, his penis still in a piece of luggage: “Me too, dear.”
Pilot: “We’ll be landing in 15 minutes.”
Flight attendant: “Sir, I’m going to need you to exit the overhead compartment and return to your seat.”
Frequent flyer with his penis in a piece of luggage: “Thank you for your concern, but there are no travel items in here, only my wife. We’re muffin smuggling as a means of keeping our marriage strong.”
Flight attendant: “I see. It’s important to do things as a couple. Can I get you a ginger ale?”
Frequent flyer: “Yes. Can I have also have an extra pack of cookies?”
Flight attendant: “No.”
Wife, from within the luggage: “I love when we muffin smuggle.”
Frequent flyer, his penis still in a piece of luggage: “Me too, dear.”
Pilot: “We’ll be landing in 15 minutes.”
Flight attendant: “Sir, I’m going to need you to exit the overhead compartment and return to your seat.”
by CountOlaf69 June 22, 2024
The correct answer to “Fuck, Marry, Kill” in regards to the Paw Patrol, if you’re a guy. See also: Rocky, Everest, Rubble (girl answer).
Guy 1: Everest’s like a hot snowboarding chick, she’s probably kind of slutty and kinky, so definitely fuck. Skye’s a sweetheart, and super pretty. Obviously marry. And Rubble’s a dumb fucking idiot, so I’d drop him off at the all-kill animal shelter ASAP.
Guy 2: Yes, I agree. Everest, Skye, Rubble (guy answer).
Guy 1: Why did you mutter “guy answer” under your breath?
Guy 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
Guy 2: Yes, I agree. Everest, Skye, Rubble (guy answer).
Guy 1: Why did you mutter “guy answer” under your breath?
Guy 2: I was instructed to do so. It was a special mission from Ryder.
by CountOlaf69 November 27, 2024