47 definitions by Carl J. Maltese

Bill Frist

This millennia's Perpetual Poster Boy for birth control, incest, congenital mental impairment, miscegnation, sexual debauchery, beastaltiy and animal cruelty.
Also: He is the Incredible Christ Appointed Doctor who was able to determine that Terri Schiavo was responding to visual stimuli simply by watching a video of her for a whole hour! When Miss Shiavo finally did pass-away, her autopsy revealed there was no way she could have been responding to visual stimuli. She was blind.

Be sure to read Bill Frist's self-published genealogy "Assholes beget assholes"...uh, I mean "Good people beget good people."

by Carl J. Maltese November 12, 2007

taser

Although the word "taser" is not an acronym, one particular model is labeled as: TActical System of Electrical Response.
Sort of completes the pantheon of great acronyms. Or somthing like that.

Scenario 1-
Police Officer: "Halt eveil-doer, lest I be forced to use my TActical System of Elictrical Rosponse upon ye!"

Criminal: "Huh?"

Scenario 2:

Police officer: "Freeze scumbag!!" -sound of taser firing-

Criminal: "AAAaaagghhhh!"

by Carl J. Maltese March 25, 2007

jerry falwell

See Also: The Good Year Blimp with a southern accent; Vague on eight of the Ten Commandments; Oliver North's bend-over buddy; Proud owner of several Swiss bank accounts; Jerry the Blob; Xenophobe; Persecutor; Book burning money worshiper; First against the wall when the revolution comes.

"It's time for the Old Time Persecution Hour with Jerry Falwell!"

by Carl J. Maltese May 6, 2007

tea dumping psychos

One of the many colourful slang terms that the British have for Americans.

"The damn tea dumping psychos! Five-thousand-pounds worth of tea thrown right off the bloody ships! The bloody crates are all completley soaked through, making the tea totally unfit for drinking. Even for Americans."

by Carl J. Maltese March 27, 2007

Creationism

Creationism explained:
God + Adam + Eve -times- Cane -minus- Abel + Seth -divided by- Lilith -times- Eve's sister-in-law -divided by- dinosaurs -times- 42 -times- E=mc2 -divided by- Infinity + H2O -times- Monosodiumglutinate -minus- The Monolith + hot air + the sound of a honking horn + The Secret Ingredient -minus- your opposable thumb = ALL THAT IS AND EVER SHALL BE! AMEN!

I hope that clears things up for you.

According to the Religious Right, "evolution" was just Darwin trying to explain his wife to his friends and the idea caught on! "Creationism" is, of course, the ONE TRUE and ONLY explanation for human existance. Anybody who says otherwise should have their opposable thumbs chopped off!

by Carl J. Maltese October 2, 2007

bloodskank

Any sleazey looking, and knowingly disease infected girl/guy whoring themself on the streets.
Whoring on the streets usually limits access to soap and toothpaste.
"blood:" syn. w/ blood born diseases.
"skank:" syn. w/ dirty, unwashed, & skin conditions.

"I made the mistake of picking-up a sleazy bloodskank whoring herself for crack money. Now, all the soap and toothpaste in creation won't clean my disease infected crotch!"

by Carl J. Maltese March 23, 2007

salvation army

A great place to find rather interesting...albeit used...books, CD's, cassette tapes, record albums, 8-track tapes, DVD's, 12" laser discs, VHS video tapes, BETAMAX video tapes, and obsolete electronic equipment.
A lousy place for finding clothes, furniture, or anything else that might be useful for day-to-day living.

"The Salvation Army thrift store is having another book sale, four for a dollar. Unfortunatley, they're also having a used underwear sale too...."

by Carl J. Maltese September 29, 2007