TP malfunction

Digital penetration of the toilet tissue usually caused by not using enough squares or just generally being a cheap fucker.

Times were tough so as a cost saving measure I only used two squares of toilet tissue per wipe. Next thing I know I'm washing poo off my finger tips. This was not my first TP malfunction.

by Bugsy McDingle November 28, 2012

flatubate

The art of masturbating while enveloped in a self inflicted Dutch Oven. Often done on cold, lonely nights when you couldn't even score with the leftover fatties at the pub. After twelve pints of Guinness and 2am Taco Bell, flatubating is an obvious way to regain some dignity after failing to score. The added benefit is that it's cheaper than buying condoms or cologne. You're having sex with someone you already know. And who doesn't enjoy the smell of their own farts?

"Dude, even that fat ugly chick turned me down. I'm gonna load up on Pintos and Cheese, go home and flatubate in my own king size bed."

by Bugsy McDingle January 11, 2012

Polish Soda Fountain

Popular fraternity hazing ritual where seniors stand in a line and drop pants. The new guy is expected to blow them all. They pee in his mouth, hence the name "Polish Soda Fountain".

The new guy was excited to join Delta Tau Chi but didn't expect the Polish Soda Fountain to leave such a bad taste in his mouth.

by Bugsy McDingle November 28, 2012

Safety Scotch

Similar to Safety Beer but for those with more serious drinking problems. It's Saturday night and you haven't made plans yet so you stop by the liquor store and buy a bottle of Glen Parker to get you through any after hours activities. Real men plan ahead and buy a 12 pack of Glen Parker which could eliminate the need to make extra trips to the liquor store for bottles of Scotch on following weekends.

"Anyone getting together for Rock Band or a toga party later tonight? I'll stop by Spec's and pick up a bottle of Glen Parker Safety Scotch just in case."

by Bugsy McDingle November 03, 2011

Polish Tooth Whitening

The act of ejaculating in a chicks butt, dipping your index finger in and having a good swirl (best done left handed). After mixing in the bung hole for a while, you remove your finger now basted in the semen entrenched fecal potion. This is done doggie style so the chick is clueless when you reach around and stick your index finger in her mouth and give her a good Polish tooth whitening. Finish off by wiping your dick on her curtains.

When money is tight or you are too cheap to by generic whitening strips, it's always prudent to give your girlfriend with discolored teeth a good old fashion Polish Tooth Whitening the next time she gets a rogering from behind.

by Bugsy McDingle November 20, 2012

Polish Salad Bar

Eastern European open air market where amateur porn directors go to find new talent. These aspiring stars are inexperienced and usually unattractive women but are known to give incredible head jobs for just a few Euros and the promise of future parts in mainstream porn. The selection of aspiring porn actresses are often withered drug users and past their sexual prime much like the rotten vegetables found in a Polish farm market.

Hey Baby, I am making a movie and you are so beautiful. Would you like to make some easy money and try out this Polish Salad Bar for the camera back at my hotel?

by Bugsy McDingle November 27, 2012

Texas Wet Step

Involves wearing a Texas catheter (condom style urinary catheter) and concealing it in your pants, sock and shoe. A hole is cut in the soul of the shoe permitting exit of the catheter tube. Ideal for work when you are unhappy with the general environment. One can soil the elevator carpeting on the way up and mingle around the office during the day causing the unpleasant aroma of urine. It can be utilized at will but don't cause suspicion by drinking water all day long.

I was written up and got a pay cut all in the same day so later that week after a trip to the medical supply store, I did the Texas Wet Step for some discrete revenge.

by Bugsy McDingle December 07, 2012