18 definition by Billy BullSchitter

Miriam, (we will say Miss Smith) demands to know when you are going to pay her child support so she can purchase a new car for herself. Mrs. Smith, "Keith, I want my money now, all of it, or you are going to jail”. Keith, “but I will lose my job and I am paying the best I can”. Miss Smith, “who gives a shit!” “I want my money now, and I want that solid gold crown tooth that you had taken out of your mouth, that you had since you were a child, I want that, it was to be mine, you own me.” Tom, "who is that ugly mean bitch." Keith, "that is my x-wife, she is such a worthless bitch! She never does anything to earn money, just takes it from the kid’s child support money and uses it for herself. Tom, you were actually married to that? Tom, I agree, she comes across as a stupid worthless bitch. Tom, I bet you are glad to be out of that marriage." Keith, "Yes, I am glad I only have to put up with that shit from a distance, that worthless bitch!

(Saturday)
Todd: Can I borrow your new wheelbarrow?
Carmen: Ok, be sure to clean it out before you bring it back, it’s new!
(Three weekends later)
Carmen: Todd, where is my wheelbarrow you borrowed, can you bring it back?
Todd: Yea, I brought your wheelbarrow back, it’s in my truck but you will have to go get it out my back hurts. I have been riding the tow motor all week at work, and I had to watch my momma cut my grass this morning, so my back hurts; my back is fucked.
Carmen: What is that in my wheelbarrow? I said; clean it before you bring it back.
Todd: Well hell Carmen, I can’t do everything, and I can’t get that out, that is dried concrete. Me and my buddies went to drink some beers, smoke some weed, and I forgot about it. Just use it like that.
Carmen: Todd, you owe me a new wheelbarrow, that one is completely fucked with that dried concrete in it and it was brand new.
Todd: Hell, Carmen you know I can’t afford a wheelbarrow that is why I borrowed yours. It is your fault is it fucked anyway, you let me borrow it!

Tommy: "You ok in their… Won?"

Won: "Oh yes yes, me mighty fine, it is my ass that is the problem, and I am in a state of constipated and my ass is full of Asteroids and feels like it is Chocked Full O' Nuts”.

Jim: "What's the hold up with you two guys in this restroom; it’s time to watch the game."

Tommy: "Oh, it's Won; again, he say's his butt is so clogged up with Asteroids that he just can't shit and is in a lot of pain.

Jim: "What?"

Joe: "Oh, hell you guys, I have been telling you for years that Won is just full of shit."

Jim: “What a crock of shit, we are going to miss the game.”

Bobby: “Who gives a shit?”

Tommy: “Well, evidently Won does!”

Examples of a crock of shit: “you can keep your doctor’s if you want”, “it is not going to cost any more tax money then you already pay”, “only citizens of the United States will be allowed to receive...”

Example: Billy bob, " I am so packed into this Tuxedos that it is so tight and their are so many people in this sheep barn at this wedding reception of Becky Lue’s, that I am simply becoming Sardineized. I can't take it any more, this starched pink lacey shirt makes me feel so gay, and I even had to use deodorant to come to Becky Lue's party. I have got to get out of here. I just need to get out of this monkey suit, get me some beers, and go fish'n.

Mountain Man: Now, let's you just drop them pants.
Bobby: Drop?
Mountain Man: Just take 'em right off.

Bobby: “I have no date for this weekend and I really need to fuck a girl”.

Bubba: “Well fuck ewe then, the barn is full of a bunch of new female sheep.”