Definitions by Bayesoir

Cornish cruncher 

An act of felatio delivered to a Cornishman, featuring the sporadic use of teeth on the member. As such, a Cornish cruncher is best delivered by someone with protruding front teeth.

"I tell you, boy. That wench Vicky gave me a right Cornish cruncher last night. Lovely jubbly..."

Cornish cruncher by Bayesoir December 31, 2019

Lardon 

The erect phallus of an overweight male.

That Dan, he might be a bit of a fat get, but let me tell you, he's got a reyt lardon...

Lardon by Bayesoir December 31, 2019

Cumpot 

A female native to The Lake District region considered of ill repute due to her constant craving for sexual gratification.

That Anna Friel's character in 'Dark Water' was a proper cumpot, lad.

Cumpot by Bayesoir December 31, 2019

Weighting game 

The process of dieting and associated weekly contest at Slimming World and related organisations to see which fatty has lost the most timber.

How's the diet going, Anna?

Sound, yeah. I'm off to Slimming World tonight to partake in the weighting game. See how much I've lost.

How much you've put on, more like (unspoken)

Weighting game by Bayesoir December 30, 2019

Faternity 

A society at American universities for obese cunts.

Hey, Tyler. How's it going, big guy?

I'm great, Crawford. How about you?

I'm really great man, I'm off to the faternity tonight. You should come join. It's a great set of guys, all of whom are larger than life. Just like us. How about it, dude?

Sounds great, man. See you there...

Faternity by Bayesoir December 30, 2019

Fatsman 

A competent scorer of runs in the game of cricket, who also carries a substantial amount of weight.

Notable examples include Andrew 'Freddy' Flintoff, David Boon and Ian Botham.

That Freddy Flintoff is a reyt fatsman. Can score runs like nobody's business, but could do with cutting down on't pies and pints...

Fatsman by Bayesoir December 29, 2019

Fatronising 

Someone who is both overweight, yet also patronising and an expert in condescension.

That Tom Watson used to be such a fatronising cunt.

Fatronising by Bayesoir December 28, 2019