Urban Dictionary

We debated and created a perfect system of government, but it was all just mental masturbation, really.

Person1:"We need a new fork. This one fell on the floor."

Person2:"I'll ask the waiter to get a new one on his how is everything check."

Robbie: "Did Justin ever make good on that golf wager you two made"

Randy: "Wouldn't know, he hasn't talked to me in weeks and he won't return my emails."

Robbie: "Sounds like you are the victim of a strategic friendship default."

I really needed to hear from Felicia on this issue, but all I got was a Reply-None at 4:59.

Mike was driving us to Jake's party and he farted, trapping us in his clutch oven

Friend1:Hey man cant you just wear those boxers?
Friend2:(sniff test)yeah i can get a couple more uses out of those

Guy #1: Dude, you've gone through the deck 3 times already. Give it up, you've lost.
Guy #2: ...So I have. I'm in solitaire denial again.