God is supposedly omnipresent, which means he sees all, all the time. Fapture occurs when there are so many people simultaneously masturbating that God can no longer stand to see it all and comes back to tell everyone to knock it the hell off.
An apocalypse caused by farts. the farts that tear all the stitching out of your clothes. the kind of farts they used to wipe out the dinosaurs. the kind of farts they use to kill guys who have views like richard pryor, george carlin, and bill hicks. Can I get away with one more fart joke here? The kind of fart that makes someone kill themselves!
*loud, 2 minute fart* Stupid bitchy overly religous kids: IT'S THE RAPTURE! REPENT! REPENT!
Other kid: Fuck! Who orderedthe fucking fartpocalypse?!?