The Sphincter Scale is simply a scale which measures the forces and effects caused when one passes wind (FARTS).
The scale is divided into 10 categories... with 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest.
1: Slight perp... sometimes silent. Usually detected within 30 seconds by a well trained nose. Best released by lifting one half of the arse and slowly allowing gas discharge. Usually has the smell of a warm biscuit.
2: Gas Shot... Can be heard if not carefully released, detection time is same as above. Very little Vibration if arse is firmly planted on chair / bench / sofa. Usually let off in queues, usually in Banks or where people are buying a Lottery ticket.
3: Flustered Fart... Can be heard in quieter surroundings, usually let off when walking. Never detected by its owner, but by the next poor soul who stops nearby the release site. Best dropped when walking away from a cash machine.
4: Parppp... Definitely detectable by anyone in close proximity. Higher volume output than that of the afforementioned scale factors... Can be used to show off to mates, or to be kicked out of bed by the missus. Slight vibration occurs if directly aimed onto a spring based matress.
5: Trump... Most commonly heard in working mens clubs, and changing rooms. Men find a sense in pride in dropping these, although women (other than wives married over 5 years) find this type of fart impossible to acheive in the presence of any person. Vibration can be felt on laminated flooring upto 2 metres from the epicentre.
6: Barp!... Highly flammable and detectable by all within a 5 metre radius. Requires round neck jumper to be substituted for gas mask for at least 120 seconds after the release. High level of Turdulence which can be easily felt if sharing a pub bench with the offending Barp!'er.
7: Serial Barp!... Not advised unless alone, or with person you dislike. A series of loud farts are released with no shame involved. Can lead to a spurt of bum gravy from the offenders rectum if not carefully released. Tremors from a serial barp can be felt many metres away. If dropped whilst bathing, can create high numbers of methanic bubbles and extremely obvious vibrations detectable by anyone situated in the room directly below the bathroom.
8: Bottoms Up... A fart of unprecented excellence, high in stink factor and low in shame factor. Only achievable by overweight men and lesbians. Requires offender to take a shite minutes afterwards, as the forces required to create a bottoms up fart can push faeces towards the anal opening and out into the offenders underpants. Skid marks inevitable.
9: Anal Lacerator... Highly potent, the force involved in releasing a fart of this magnitude are immense. Offenders are advised to use caution, examples could be by pulling down their clothing to avoid causing permanent material damage to their garments or wearing someone elses underwear. Painfully released and extremely high decibel count (over 80dB) and best dropped during football matches or when in a jacuzzi, although lifting of the arse is advised to avoid excessive vibration to the tile work.
10: The Ultimate in Fart Technology... This fart is only available to those who eat Mexican & Indian Cuisine. The gaseous effects of which can contaminate a room for upto 30minutes from the time of release. Causes eyes to water and throats to dry up. Offenders require dark underwear to cover up excessive stains. Vibrations of a fart of this power can cause tables and chairs to shake momentarily. Not advised during family barbecues and wedding ceremonies. Offending persons usually have homosexual tendencies or large thick stools which tend to be unflushable.
The scale is divided into 10 categories... with 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest.
1: Slight perp... sometimes silent. Usually detected within 30 seconds by a well trained nose. Best released by lifting one half of the arse and slowly allowing gas discharge. Usually has the smell of a warm biscuit.
2: Gas Shot... Can be heard if not carefully released, detection time is same as above. Very little Vibration if arse is firmly planted on chair / bench / sofa. Usually let off in queues, usually in Banks or where people are buying a Lottery ticket.
3: Flustered Fart... Can be heard in quieter surroundings, usually let off when walking. Never detected by its owner, but by the next poor soul who stops nearby the release site. Best dropped when walking away from a cash machine.
4: Parppp... Definitely detectable by anyone in close proximity. Higher volume output than that of the afforementioned scale factors... Can be used to show off to mates, or to be kicked out of bed by the missus. Slight vibration occurs if directly aimed onto a spring based matress.
5: Trump... Most commonly heard in working mens clubs, and changing rooms. Men find a sense in pride in dropping these, although women (other than wives married over 5 years) find this type of fart impossible to acheive in the presence of any person. Vibration can be felt on laminated flooring upto 2 metres from the epicentre.
6: Barp!... Highly flammable and detectable by all within a 5 metre radius. Requires round neck jumper to be substituted for gas mask for at least 120 seconds after the release. High level of Turdulence which can be easily felt if sharing a pub bench with the offending Barp!'er.
7: Serial Barp!... Not advised unless alone, or with person you dislike. A series of loud farts are released with no shame involved. Can lead to a spurt of bum gravy from the offenders rectum if not carefully released. Tremors from a serial barp can be felt many metres away. If dropped whilst bathing, can create high numbers of methanic bubbles and extremely obvious vibrations detectable by anyone situated in the room directly below the bathroom.
8: Bottoms Up... A fart of unprecented excellence, high in stink factor and low in shame factor. Only achievable by overweight men and lesbians. Requires offender to take a shite minutes afterwards, as the forces required to create a bottoms up fart can push faeces towards the anal opening and out into the offenders underpants. Skid marks inevitable.
9: Anal Lacerator... Highly potent, the force involved in releasing a fart of this magnitude are immense. Offenders are advised to use caution, examples could be by pulling down their clothing to avoid causing permanent material damage to their garments or wearing someone elses underwear. Painfully released and extremely high decibel count (over 80dB) and best dropped during football matches or when in a jacuzzi, although lifting of the arse is advised to avoid excessive vibration to the tile work.
10: The Ultimate in Fart Technology... This fart is only available to those who eat Mexican & Indian Cuisine. The gaseous effects of which can contaminate a room for upto 30minutes from the time of release. Causes eyes to water and throats to dry up. Offenders require dark underwear to cover up excessive stains. Vibrations of a fart of this power can cause tables and chairs to shake momentarily. Not advised during family barbecues and wedding ceremonies. Offending persons usually have homosexual tendencies or large thick stools which tend to be unflushable.
Guy 1: Mate I dropped a corker last night on our lasses face when she wa asleep. Set her alarm to go off straight after aswell. Must've measured a 8 on the Sphincter Scale!
Guy 2: Mint lad... did she say owt?
Guy 1: No mate, shes not moved since.
Guy 2: Mint lad... did she say owt?
Guy 1: No mate, shes not moved since.
by DeV1Se October 17, 2006
by Scott E. Irish January 3, 2006
1) A delicate and imprecise act in which the partner about to engage in anal drilling for rectal exploration (in order to look for alternative energy sources; get your mind out of the gutter, people) gently massages his or her arsehole to stimulate, making small circular motions. Lubrication is strongly recommended, especially if you plan to dive in there later on using something else
2) A pain relieving cream for the anus once used in Southeast Asia; was taken off shelves for good in 1997 following a class-action lawsuit stemming from complaints that the directions didn't clearly state the cream should be taken OUT of the can when applied.
3) A grunge band from Seattle. Just not one of the good ones, like Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains. And no, they're not around anymore.
2) A pain relieving cream for the anus once used in Southeast Asia; was taken off shelves for good in 1997 following a class-action lawsuit stemming from complaints that the directions didn't clearly state the cream should be taken OUT of the can when applied.
3) A grunge band from Seattle. Just not one of the good ones, like Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains. And no, they're not around anymore.
Steve: So, you tried anal with Maggy?
Joe: Yeah man, but don't worry; I was all about setting the mood with a good, spiritual sphincter rub. That, and playing the very best of Hall and Oates in the background.
Joe: Yeah man, but don't worry; I was all about setting the mood with a good, spiritual sphincter rub. That, and playing the very best of Hall and Oates in the background.
by Snipediddy August 23, 2005
When a man puts his hard cock in another persons anus and fucks it without going too far into the rectum so as to surf the anal sphincter.
Sphincter surfing works best when the penis is pulled out of the anus then put back in again repeatedly in fast succession.
by Dontbeusinyourrealname November 26, 2010
The ripping or tearing sound that is caused by a quick release of gas from the anus, otherwise known as a fart.
I thought Jason tore his pants today at work but I later realized it was his clapping sphincter as the pungent odor tickled my nose hairs.
by Wes L November 12, 2005
1) literally the act of deep penetration through any orfice, that is deep enough to contact a sphincter of any kind.
2)A meaning of severe mis-fourtune or bad luck, extremely worse than just being screwed, or fucked, or fucked dry.
2)A meaning of severe mis-fourtune or bad luck, extremely worse than just being screwed, or fucked, or fucked dry.
A)Holly shit man, did you see that girl get sphincter fucked, i can't believe she took all 14 inches of that!
B)Damn IRS, they really sphincter fucked me this year!
by IrishEyez October 13, 2005
1) My sphincter lilly hurts after pounding out a hot stack.
2) You drank all of my soda, you sphincter lilly! :(
2) You drank all of my soda, you sphincter lilly! :(
by Rundas October 28, 2011