The Cactus

The delicate art of having sex 2-3 days after shaving your man-pubes, timing it so that your schlong is at the height of the prickly 'Cactus-like' phase.

Guy's Friend - "So, did you have fun with Jessie last night?"

Guy - "Yeah, I totally pulled 'The Cactus' on her, that's what she get's for never making me a sammich!

by CaptainNMorgan July 28, 2010

The cactus effect

Term to refer to a mans balls after recently being shaved, when the small prickly hairs begin to grow back and poke his penis as it hangs over them.

Guy: Damn, I got the cactus effect. Should've shaved better.
Guy 2: I know, that shit sucks. Feels like tiny needles stabbing your dick.

by PurplePagan June 7, 2007

Sitting on the cactus

When you do something so undersireable it's akin to sitting, bare assed, on a spiky plant (typically a cactus).

I sat on the cactus last night trying to catch up on the book. OR I was sitting on the cactus for 3 hours trying to finish that movie.

by S.O.K March 7, 2009

cacty the cactus

a cactus that is actually a reincarnation of our lord and savior.

yo cacty the cactus is like, jesus man

by MilesShrekDaddy September 13, 2019

cheese in the cactus

Having unprotected sex with a loose woman.

"Don't go putting cheese in the cactus."
or
"Oh dude, she's a skank ho! You didn't put your cheese in the cactus did you?"

by solarno August 6, 2008

stroke the cactus

Jerking off or stroking the male organ known as a "Penis" or "Dick"

I saw a bad ass bitch on the tv that got me super hard so I decided to stroke the cactus

by Mvrcv January 8, 2017

jeremy the cactus

Noun: The name and leader of a cult of followers that have the belief that the world was created by a cactus.

Someone: what the heck are you promoting
Me: Jeremy the cactus, who else?
Someone: who?
Me: come with me and you'll see, a world of a cactus's creation

by Hunter01 February 5, 2019