Why Myspace Sucks and So Do You:

1) Cool New People - No. These schmucks are not "Cool." The fact that they are the first thing you see when you log on is a fucking travesty. Why anyone would label these folks "Cool" is beyond our comprehension. At this point we wanted to turn back, but we forged on through the terror in the name of science.

2) Your Goddamn Pictures - "Hay guyz i hav this gr8 idea i think i shud take a pikkchur of myself in da mirrur holding teh camerah at a weiurd angle isnt that original guyz? Am i rite?" Believe it or not, we've caught on to your little tricks. We know that you are fat, ugly, have one eye, and shitty skin, and the crappy emo picture isn't fooling anybody. If you have the inclination to be really artsy, alternative, and original, and if you feel that taking a photo of yourself in the bathroom mirror is the way to do it, at least have the decency to wipe your dried jizz off the mirror. Oh but wait, there in the "View more pics" section you have those cute pictures of you and your buddies with beer in your hand. OMG GUYZ ITS BEER AND WE'RE LIKE 2TALLY UNDERAGE HOW BADASS ARE WE. Grow the fuck up, no one cares. And then you selfish bastards crop your friends out of the pictures so we all know who the attention whore is. We can clearly see their shoulder floating next to you.

3) About Me - Chances are no one comes to your MySpace to learn about how you "dont hav much 2 say" about yourself. These over-glorified AIM profiles contain some of the most useless crap ever to bombard our eyes. If you feel it is appropriate to contribute any information to this section, you're wrong. Save everyone the trouble of reading about your generic, pointless life and do something more productive. Like getting hit by a bus.

4) Friends - This monstrosity of a feature is used for two things:
a. Listing and cataloguing your already existing friends, as to create such riveting conversations like, "Hay why haven't you added me yet?" These conversations don't limit themselves to the internet either, people actually talk about this shit in real life. There is something inherently sad about that.
b. Meeting random people to list as your "Friends." For fuck's sake, do you really need the internet to meet people? Especially those with a name like xXforbidDEn___aDdictionXx? There's a reason these people are on the internet and not hanging out with all the kewl friends that they have.

Maybe we're missing something, but is there actually a point to leaving a Comment on someone's page saying "ooo great site keep it up!"? And no, the fact that you've added infinite smilies or a lame animated gif saying something to the effect of "KEEP ON TRUCKIN" doesn't make it any better. The worst part is that this useless banter can go on for pages. We don't need to hear about that great party last weekend. Or how you have this really unsightly rash. There are other forms of communication for that. Forms of communication such as THE PHONE or INSTANT MESSENGER or ANYTHING WHERE YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT MADE PUBLIC. Frankly, you disgust us.

5) Music - This is the section* where you feel the need to either tell us that you like to listen to "whatevers on tha radio" (Hinting that you are a complete douche lacking any personality at all. But we pretty much knew that already, seeing as you have a MySpace) or try to impress people with your vast list of bands that no one has ever heard of. And then someone came up with the brilliant idea to put music videos in the music section! Thanks buddy, I was really looking forward to spending 15 minutes waiting for your Snoop Dogg video to load so i could have those beats drilled into my head while browsing for things to make fun of you about. And if that's the best picture of yourself you can find, I pity you. Next time don't get hit in the face with a shovel.

* Having 3 generic songs from some crappy band in tight girl jeans and titling it "MySpace Music" does not redeem this category at all. Don't even try it. Oh, and as if it wasn't bad enough already, there are "MySpace Music" concerts being organized right now. If there is any indication of the lameness that is MySpace, you need not look any further than its creator.

6) Tom - How does a lonely, single nerd become the antichrist of the internet? He creates a worldwide network for people just like him, with no friends, and automatically puts himself on everyone's "friends" section. Now, we're by no stretch of the imagination saying it would be acceptable, but it would be understandable if he did this on the side. However, it's pretty certain that MySpace is the extent of his sad pathetic life. When you start throwing parties in the name of the most unholy creation of all time, it's pretty safe to say your life peaked in 6th grade when that girl asked you to the dance as a joke. He is responsible for the thousands of obscenely lame people thinking that they are awesome and popular just because they have a MySpace.

7) Having Celebrities and Porn Stars As Your Friends - Now, it was much debated whether or not to put this in the Friends section, but the final decision was that this abomination deserved its own. We already know of your sad state purely by the fact that you have a MySpace, but if you're pitiful enough to go and add some well-known douchebag to your list of "friends" then you should stop reading this right now. There is no hope for you. Honestly. Could you possibly be dumb enough to really think that this is funny? Or is it even worse, and you actually believe that Paris Hilton has a MySpace? Nice going dumbass, because not only can Paris Hilton read, she also needs the internet to meet people. And by the way, you're not fooling anybody into thinking that you and all those "tootally hawt bikini babez" on your friends list go out and paint the town red on Friday nights.

After all this research, you'd think that we would have found a slight glimmer of appeal in the abyss that is MySpace. We did not. MySpace represents all that is evil and corrupt in this world, and it baffles us why you all have this "omg addiction" to it. We hate MySpace with a firey passion, and are in full approval of a support group for each and every MySpace member. And by support group, we mean chainsaw to the face.
Myspace in it's entirety sucks asshole
by Boon McBoon climbs a shroom April 24, 2006
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A place where 15 year old girls go to pretend they're 19 only to end up getting raped by 40 year old men who go there to pretend they're 17.
some preppie username like calibunny87: "Liek omagawd rtfm lol liek myspace sooo kewl dewd omg heerz my pixxx, r ent thei gr8?" =3-(o ;| }<:\

I swear to god im 17: (While fapping his dick off) "yeah, where do you live?"
by 53 September 17, 2005
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a place to write pointless, overly wordy, bad descriptions of your daily life as if anyone is interested in the food stuck in your teeth. Pretentious, presumptuous hacks writting to prove people will read anything, find anything worth commenting on in order convey to the writer that everyone else is indeed interested in the food in their teeth.
myspace is a place to publicly describe and defend ones own lack of integrity, a place for irresponsible, reckless judgment of others, a place to gather support for your position by describing one biased angle of a lie.
A complete lack of self awareness is required to continue on as a myspace addict.
The very best feature of myspace is definitely emo scenesters that claim to be about personal health, environmental and political causes, bettering the world, loving others while they gather and hoard comments, friends, post new pictures, post lame lists and excruciating detailed accounts of their daily life, try and look thinner, thinner, thinner, hotter, sexier, ego stroking all day, everyday. While endlessly claiming global love, local truth and a committed desire to evolve and enlighten others.
"Oh my god I was flossing my teeth this morning and I just couldn't figure out what it was I pulled out from between my teeth and gums, is is chicken? It couldn't be chicken, I don't eat meat, maybe it's tofu? I showed it to my roommate and she thought it was cheese, then I remembered I had baked bread and brie last night, so that must be it. Then I thought wow I better run to my computer and blog about this experience on myspace."
by thetruthlovesme July 18, 2005
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Myspace is absolutly nasuating in every aspect of the word. Besides the fact that it celebrates a mass collection of emo/scene kids, this disgusting site is primarily used for insecure girls to post pictures of their half naked bodies. They do this in hopes of recieving countless comments on "how hott they are," from as many random people as possible, not ever considering the fact that all of these ego boosting comments are only placed for one of 2 reasons: 1.) The party posting the comment is hoping to recieve an equally flattering comment in return 2.) The party posting is in fact a pedophile/ pervert/ horney teen hoping to "get some"/ social outcast using flattery as a means of making new friends/ or dunb teen bimbo trying to appeal to the "boys" by commenting on how hott her female friend is. Im so sick and tired of seeing a group of teen girls in a photo, complete with an alcoholic beverage in thier hand, all dressed in some sort of skany theme outfits. It seems as though they are pretending to be Paris Hilton "out on the town," "at a major event" where they all have to dress alike, in skank gear of course, because god knows all we need is to see more 17 year old tits, asses, and "drunken lesbianism." And what is the deal with all these dumb broads taking pictures of themselves? I can just picture these idiots sitting in their rooms for hours, trying to get the "perfect pic" to put on their myspace intended to rack in the compliments. How low have these people gotten? Also, so many of these bitches claim to be "models." Give me a fucking break. The internet has clearly gone to far, playing with the minds of the insecure, the weak, and the young. Get some self confidence people! Love yourself, quit myspace.
Like Oh my gosh girlzz, we so have to dress up in our like, really sexy duplicate outfits this weekend cause a like 26 year old guy is having a like totally awesome house party and he wants all us highschoolers to cum! We have to make sure to remember our cameras, and make sure to be like posed and making a sexy, seductive face at all times, because we have to have hot pics to put on our myspace so everyone can see how cool and hott we are! And oh my gosh, like, dont forget to have a beer in your hand, because everyone needs to know how hardcore we are! Like, Oh my gosh, like underage drinking makes us like so cool. We have to stand next to random hott guys and take pictures so we can look like we hang out with really cool people! Maybe we can even dance on a table and show our boobies! Everyone will c how hott we are! Thank god for myspace, because now everyone can see how cool we are!
by Cyndi Lynne January 05, 2006
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online website for making 'friends', and over 70% people up there will have the following things in their profiles:

1. has 'tila tequila' as their friend
2. the music they like include: my chemical romance, the used, green day, killers, or kottonmouth kings
3. they all hate drama and fake people
4. have a music video playing on their page
5. your computer is more likely to freeze when log on people's pages if you have an older model due to the over-decoration.
6. we will see this "This profile was edited with Thomas' myspace editor" somewhere in their profile

that's all I can think of right now
70% of myspace people have some taste of music.......
by vinny May 23, 2005
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A place where you meet I-whores and fuck the living shit out of them through your PC's monitor.

When a MySpace I-whore tells you their age, add 25 to it and you should be close. Also, change the gender.
18/F/Cali ~ Hey you got a My Space?

Normal human ~ Fuck off you fag.
by Stevie B the bounty hunter November 09, 2005
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People shouldn't be so hard on Myspace. It's a good site. It’s basically a form of natural selection that helps to lower the population of stupid little spoiled rich shallow teenage girls, by having them raped and killed by internet predators.
Stupid little whore gets murdered by a myspace pedophile.
Her fault.
She should have learned how to use the internets properly.
by FlyEvolution February 20, 2006
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