An essay is a long-winded response sent via text message. These long responses characteristically come from people who express interest in a text message conversation, although this interest is in some cases overzealous.
When you have to use four messages to fit everything into your text, you are writing an essay.
by textking June 19, 2009
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a form of writing which will most likely ruin your life.
P1: "how did you go on the English essay?"
P2: "I think I failed"
by querky June 17, 2015
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An impossibly difficult written task set by extremely evil, cruel, and nasty teachers (or teachers' bosses - some teachers don't like essays either!) to do for homework,usually due for a week after they are set.
Essays are possibly the worst torture ever due to their immense difficulty to accomplish for a certain young goldfish who may or may not be writing this definition when they are supposed to be doing their Citizenship essay on bullying that is already 15 days overdue!

and I can't do it! Help me!!!!! :-(
by Goldfish United! February 26, 2009
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A person who takes forever in describing something, a story, directions, etc. when it could've been easily understood in two sentences.
Girl: Hey, hows your day been going?
Boy: Oh, its been okay. When I woke up, I didn't have any toothpaste so I had to open a new tube and then I realized I didn't like that flavor so I went into my parents room and borrowed theirs and then my dad started yelling at me for making him late and....
Girl: Woah now, take it easy there essay.
by auuuudddddd. August 14, 2009
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The process during which a writer is writing an essay.

Syn: essay-writing
-"Hey, wanna go out tonight and grab some brewskies?"
-"Sorry man, I'm essaying all night. It's 2000 words, and it's due in the morning."
by youtube.com/loser078 March 24, 2008
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A short piece of writing with an average of 5 paragraphs that school children write to improve their experience in writing, grammar and reasoning. They get annoying and laborious once you reach middle school.

The topics that teachers give their students for essays are usually boring and irrelevant topics that are more enjoyable for adults, and sometimes they are actually some of the most impractical subjects to write an essay on.

The most common type is the argumentative essay. The total amount of written material from every argumentative essay a child has had to write that does nothing to enhance their knowledge or skill would probably rival that of the Marvel Universe, DC Universe, Star Wars Universe and Old and New Testament combined. I honestly think it's why kids get so pissed on the internet; because they've been trained to react defiantly to any sort of controversy. I usually title my argumentative essays with "Argumentative Essay Number" followed by a massive number like 40 billion or something.
I have to write an essay on the plot structure of Twelfth Night.

Kill me.
by UsefulInfoBeing June 2, 2016
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Verb - to be essayed
To be given a long winded response equal in length to a small essay, usually in defense of an imagined slight due to miscommunication on a web forum.
In response to his sarcastic joke, John got essayed by the original poster.

"You just got essayed!"
by Jhaelrnya February 24, 2009
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