douchebaggery in the 3rd degree

This is the highest, and most egregious, of degrees in which a person can commit douchebaggery. Different from douchebaggery in the 1st and 2nd degrees, all innocence has gone out the window with this one. It is the most blatant act of which a person can perform. Typically, one who commits such an act has ridden the slippery slope of douchebaggery all the way to the bottom, and now they rest themselves in the staunchest pool of disdain by their peers. Selfishness, greed, talking loudly in libraries, and snaggled teeth are the trademarks of the 3rd-degree douche. Penalties in this case are most severe, and may include any (or all) of the following:
-2 swift kicks in the giblets; once for being dumb, and once for being ugly
-Pepper spray
-Upper decking
-A rancid fart on the pillow, resulting in;
-Pinkeye

Note: Generally, in cases of 3rd degree douchebaggery, the Court of Public Opinion is actually the one who brings the douche up on charges, not any one individual. For this reason, an accusation in this degree alone is enough evidence for a conviction. DO NOT associate with these offenders, lest ye be accused of douchebaggery in the 2nd degree at a minimum! (This is because you should know better by now that this person is a total doucher!!!!!)

*No adequate, all-encompassing, example currently exists for douchebaggery in the 3rd degree. By now, you'll know who they are.

by Sir Scoofsalot February 9, 2015

douchebaggery in the 1st degree

This is the first, and least offensive, degrees on the scale of douchebaggery in which a person can commit. It's observed by the violator's general ignorance to the fact that he/she has even committed such a crime at all. Usually the offense is innocent enough in nature, and independent of any other incident(s); perhaps, even the only such occasion that the individual has performed. The litmus test for 1st-degree douchebaggery can be performed by noticing if the individual is instantly self-aware of the incident, and if they are quick to apologize for it.

Shrek: "Man, Jeff bailed on me last weekend when we were supposed to go kayaking. He said he had accidently double-booked himself, and that we could re-schedule. That's some serious douchebaggery."

Scuff: "Hmmm. No man, normally Jeff is pretty straight-up about things. I think this is just a simple case of douchebaggery in the 1st degree."

Shrek: "I think you're right. How findeth the Court of Public Opinion, Jeff, on the charge of douchebaggery in the 1st degree?"

Bystanders: "GUILTY!!!"

Shrek: "Motion carries. Sentencing tomorrow at noon."

Note: If the Court of Public Opinion has found the defendant to be guilty of a prior charge of 1st-degree douchebaggery, it may very well be possible that the current charge in question escalates to the next-highest level in magnitude; douchebaggery in the 2nd degree. In addition, the prior conviction also gets elevated to this new, and even more egregious level based on principle alone.

by Sir Scoofsalot February 9, 2015

mutually assured douchebaggery

The point at which you and another person get so passive-aggressive to each other that it doesn't matter who started it, because at this point you're both just plain douchebags.

Person A turns down the thermostat. Person B waits for A to leave, turns it back up. Repeat until one has to leave out of frustration. This is the point of mutually assured douchebaggery.

by thatguy20 July 6, 2012

Tim's douchebaggery

An act of a Chief executive officer, Head of marketing or a Financial officer in a company, that sets prices for their products exceedingly high to extract maximal value from customers, knowing that the company they work for is a monopolist within a very narrowly defined market and thus subjected to limited actual competition, while making it hard for authorities to enact anti-monopoly policies and lower prices for consumers through regulation.

Wow, the prices of these laptops are so high, they border on Tim's douchebaggery!
Such unusually high profits for a company in that market must surely be a sign of Tim's douchebaggery.

by slice17 October 21, 2021

congenital douchebaggery syndrome

Congenital douchebaggery syndrome (CDS) is a devastating affliction affecting persons in positions of perceived, rather than genuine, importance. Most sufferers of CDS are unaware of their affliction, and can do little to mitigate the symptoms. Symptoms include, but are not limited to:

* A pervasive need to appear valuable to every situation
* Desire to assert superiority over all others at any junction
* Ability to create "facts" out of thin air and whole hardheartedly believe them
* Insistence on including oneself in discussions despite having nothing of value to add
* Determination to "help" everyone, especially those who don't need any help the afflicted could conceivably provide

CDS awareness is spreading. General understanding of CDS as an affliction can help in the survival rate of CDS, as associates of CDS sufferers may look upon the afflicted with pity and be less likely to murder them in the break room.

"Did you hear that BS Jerry was spouting at the team meeting?"
"Oh, don't take that to heart, he has congenital douchebaggery syndrome. He can't help it."

by Foxydot March 26, 2015

Douchebaggery

Behavior and tendencies associated with known douchebags.

Schuyler has really taken a turn for the worse in resorting to such douchebaggery.

by Silliman Wright September 25, 2010

Douchebaggery

The doing or performing of shinanigans. Usually done with friends to other friends. (Verb)

guy knocks friends hat off.
Friend: Dude, why must you perform this douchebaggery

Freind 1: should we perform douchebaggery at lunch today?
Friend 2: lets &%*#^@! do it!!!

by Tico Mann October 31, 2009