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According to what school tells you: A great man who accidentally discovered America when no one else could find it.

Reality: A greedy piece of genocidal shit who wasn't the first person to find America, the Native Americans discovered America before anyone else and after the Native Americans found America, vikings discovered America, and a several explorers found it too. But for some reason, Columbus ends up taking all the credit for something the Native Americans discovered.To add insult to injury, he ends up enslaving a bunch of Native Americans to take to Spain as slaves (this is 100% true) and his Spanish sailors and him killed approximately 8 million Native Americans (also true) Talk about some major bullshit.
Teacher: And that's how Christopher Columbus discovered America when no one else did.
4th grader: *raises his hand*
Teacher: Yes, Timmy?
4th grader: Didn't the Native Americans discover America first?
Teacher: Nope, it was Columbus!
4th grader: I'm pretty sure it was the Native Americans.
4th grader: But-
Teacher: THAT IS IT! YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE "Columbus discovered America, not the Native Americans." 50 TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by Valintino the Big Surpremo August 31, 2010
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1.An Italian sailor who is wrongfully given credit for "discovering the New World."Most of our high school history textbooks make him out to be a hero, when really, he was a greedy and genocidal maniac who enjoyed raping children. He killed, with the help of his Spanish sailors, around 8,000,000 people in less than 10 years- and that was just on Haiti.

1. In fourteen hundred and ninety three
Christopher Columbus stole all he could see.
by anonymous subway rider November 06, 2007
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When you take a monster shit and it touches dry land. i.e. the dry part of the toilet.
Dude I just dropped a Christopher Columbus in that bitches toilet. She's going to have to use the other end of the plunger to get that mother fucker down.
by Drew Pesak April 01, 2010
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Definition 1: To Christopher Columbus is to hostilely or non-hostilely acquire something by force or without permission, very much like a dictator.

Definition 2: To be a stinky, smelly bastard

Example 1: Carlos is sitting at the dinner table eating his jam-covered English Muffin.

Juan comes over, picks up the English Muffin and eats it while staring Carlos in the face

"Yo homie, you totally just Christopher Columbused my muffin!"-Carlos
"Yeah, well maybe you should have thought of that before you Christopher Columbused my girlfriend!"-Juan

Example 2: The New World was Christopher Columbused, hostilely, by Christopher Columbus
by Pterodactyl, Meghan April 10, 2008
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Christopher Columbus was an Italian navigator in the service of Spain who opened the New World to exploration. On October 12, 1492 he landed on San Salvador Island in the Bahamas with 3 ships he commanded; the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa María. This day is known as Columbus Day. Americans observe Columbus Day on the second Monday in October (the same day as Thanksgiving in Canada).
Christopher Columbus was born on 1451 in Genoa, Italy and died on 1506 in Valladolid, Spain. His name is Cristóbal Colón in Spanish and Cristoforo Colombo in Italian.
by Layko June 05, 2007
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An action taken on by a member of the male gender in which the male inserts his penis into the vagina of a virgin girl. Since Christopher Columbus sailed the seas and was the first to discover America it is only proper to name a sex act after him.
Garrett is a sexually frustrated boy who wants to have sex with Kristina; Kristina knows this. However, Garrett thinks he is being slick and sly and hiding his fantasies very well.

Olivia: What is Garrett's deal? he seems really weird around you...

Kristina: Yea, I know... He wants to Christopher Columbus my Vagina.

Olivia: HOLY SH*T, I will not let him be your first!... I'll knock him out for you.
by Sokeefe5 December 24, 2008
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