assential 

Combination of "ass" and "essential" together. Having a physical characteristic that makes a person's ass the best part of the person.

(tongue in cheek) Her assential qualities make up for her lack of personality.

assential by doradothedog May 19, 2010

assential errand 

During 'shelter in place', essential errands are allowed. Does that mean booty calls are permissible? We shall call it.. . an assential errand.

..But officer, I'm trying to complete an assential errand.

assential errand by dualitysillusionlovestruth March 20, 2020

Man Essentials 

The premier place for closet homosexual males to stare at men's underwear bulges online.

I secretly love staring at men's underwear ads when my girlfriend is away. Not only am I the Man Essentials President, I'm also their #1 client.

Man Essentials by GetOutOfTheCloset November 8, 2011

Shat-in-absentia 

The punitive act of 'leaving-behind' a large, commode-filling mass of fecal material that, through time, evaporation and vacancy creates an extremely unpleasant next-occupant arrival surprise; especially useful for time-share condos, infrequently accessed guest homes and seasonal-use facilities.

I'll never again be the first to enter THAT condo...the last renters shat-in-absentia. When I opened the door it was like being punched in the face by a shit-bag fist. Nas-T....

Shat-in-absentia by YAWA August 21, 2016

essential oils 

What anti-vaxxers use to efficiently and effectively accomplish nothing. Quickest way to deny your children their right to healthcare (which is an actual human right, Article 25), killing your children in the process. Normal people use this to moisturize their skin.

Karens usually find their little bottles of nothingness on Facebook in a group full of other soccer moms who have also successfully been tricked by an MLM.

Karen: Honey, our little girl apparently contracted measles, and I don't even know how!

Bob: Did you get her vaccinated?

Karen: Of course not! I just used some essential oils that I found on Facebook.

Bob: You're such a psychopath. Now I'm grateful that you divorced me and took the kids, because now I can't be held liable. I hope YOU get measles now.

Karen: Well, I'd rather have her die than get infected by the lies of the government.

essential oils by derpsderps February 12, 2019

essentialist of the essential

Essential workers that are so badass and fearless they are viewed by society as having a fucking legendary and almost mythical status. Someone who never surrenders, backs down, or calls in sick despite the danger.

JerDawg is totally the essentialist of the essential. He's so badass and fearless that even the gangsters in his neighborhood are forced to show respect!

essentialist of the essential by calling them out April 20, 2020

Essential employee

A person that wants to stay at home in quarantine due to COVID-19 but can't due to the fact they cannot telecommute and there are no legal protections in place for the employee. So, she/he has to make a choice between (A) working for money with the increased risk of exposure, (B) staying at home and burning PTO until it runs out, or (C) leaving the company and having no income. Those living paycheck to paycheck (for whatever reason that may be is inconsequential at this point), wind up putting themselves and their family at greater risk because they have to keep a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and food on the table.

John wanted to stay at home during the COVID-19 quarantine across America, but he was told he was an essential employee and could lose his job if he didn't show up for work. Having no savings, John swallowed his pride, went to work, got infected with COVID-19 by a fellow employee in the same situation, and died.

Essential employee by Sausage75 March 24, 2020