Whalefro 

A Whalefro is a young white male that believes he is of another ethnic group. They often have hair that resembles ‘Guile’ from the Street Fighter computer games or that of a Lego man. They find themselves attractive and can often be found moisturizing and adoring their naked form in the mirror. You can interrupt this preparation, you will be forced to look away or get an eyeful of wang should you try and interrupt and preening Whalefro.

The most common trait of a Whalefro is to belittle others of the same ethnicity. A Whalefro will typically do this by making outrageous statements and using racial slurs not intended for the race of people they are insulting. Whalefro’s are known to be very fond of large women that come from a different racial background than their own.

A Whalefro has several mating calls. The most overused of these is the kissing of teeth. If a Whalefro wishes to make a particularly strong ‘shout out’ for a mate, they will kiss their teeth whilst using both arms and hands in grandiose fashion to point at said victim. Once a Whalefro senses victory is the sexual stakes, they will become smug and then stupidly begin to speak thus scuppering any chances they had of success. The phrase that normally signals failure usually begins “Yo girl”.

A Whalefro enjoys alcohol but are known to suffer with terrible hangovers. A Whalefro cannot typically ingest more than 2 Shandy Bass drinks without vomiting violently the next day. When jettisoning booze, a Whalefro will often sound like a gobbling Turkey earning them a further nickname, normally along the lines of ‘Reverse Paxo’.

A Whalefro likes to unwind with video games. A favourite of most Whalefro’s is the Mario Kart series. When playing a game from the series, they will whine incessantly about playing the rainbow road course, this is because Whalefro’s believe they are of colour. Whilst they are sombre in their natural state, a Whalefro is very apt to become angry at any individual who defeats them at their favourite game especially if they are part of the same bloodline. A Whalefro is normally an anomaly in their bloodline, they are typically unlike their siblings. Their love of computer games extends to playing pub games. It is very typical to visit pubs and bars in the UK and find the name ‘Whalefro’ on the high score board. Word Soup is normally the most common game to find a high score by a Whalefro.

Whalefro’s are commonly not very good sleepers. To help them get to sleep they will listen to whale song and various sounds of the ocean to help them drift away into the land of nod. Whalefro’s are known to like gentle guitar music playing over their whale song along with seagull squaks, waves on the ocean shore as well as sea captain and pirate utterances. Their love of all things in the water extends to their homes where they will keep many fish. Every single Whalefro known to man will have at some point had a fish called “Bitey”.

A whalefro enjoys sport and has been known to try his hand at golf or football (normally while wearing shorts so tight that you can see their protruding anal gland) . His excitement levels can increase dramatically, especially when claiming for a foul from the referee. His scream for HANDBALL can only be heard by canines. They are also known lovers of pornographic imagery. Normally hidden away underneath their hammock or sleeping dock, pornographic material is normally found alongside toilet roll and a feather duster (reasons unknown).

“That guy is such a Whalefro, I was in the kebab shop and he started calling me a snowball”

“I thought I’d done brilliantly on the IT box but lo and behold, a Whalefro had gotten there before me with the word ‘testicles’. Drats!”

“Old Whalefro crashed and burned with that fat chick. He was doing okay then he busted out the ‘Yo Girl’ and teeth kiss. He should go back to playing the Wii and eating his Munch Bunch yoghurts”

Whalefro by takerdemon August 20, 2009