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A particularly gloopy or gelatinous sample of jizzum.

Can be used as a verb (to splarch) to indicate that someone has ejaculated.
"My mate just blew his load in the sink, fucking splarch everywhere."

"Ahwhhhh I just wanna splarch all over that pasta sauce"
by ThatGoodD December 28, 2015
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Splarch is a word to replace a noun in any given sentence. It was originally used in a sentence by the Litwinovich and Guinesso Family. More than often, splarch is used to confuse elders and sound like a fairly grotesque word. One can use splarch to replace any noun whatsoever...cat, dog, faucet, DNA, book, etc.
Parent: Hey, can you get me a bagel?
Teen: Is it in the splarch or the freezer?

Kid: Can I have a towel, I'm gonna jump in the splarch.

Friend: hey, I just got the new Google app!
Friend 2: Oh, come on! That app's a peice of splarch. (as to replace "junk")

Person: he is such a splarch-gargler.
by Wa-Tah! July 05, 2013
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when one pukes with their hand over their mouth causing multiple high pressured streams of puke to spew from their mouth.
Carlie splarched all over Bret and Colin’s jean jackets last night.
by splarch9000 November 24, 2017
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